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Teen Poetry #2
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New Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 9
Nova scotia, Canada

0 posted 2000-03-12 09:54 PM


Lost is my heart and part of my soul,
my life is so shattered, my emotions are cold.
the core of my life is hidden so well,
surrounded by layers of personal hell.

Secrets and dreams kept in seclusion,
my existance, no more that a simple illusion.
to have been noticed in this world and appreciated
would have given me a life less isolated.

they think they really understand my feelings,
but none of them see the real pain im conceiling.
too occupied with their own to care about me,
ill wait until they suffer, then i will succeed.

I'd rather be liked for more than appearance,
my talent, my courage or being so fearless.
Im hoping one day they will open their eyes,
they'll see my real beauty, my beauty inside

-Rachel Leeman

© Copyright 2000 Rachel Leeman - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA
1 posted 2000-03-12 09:58 PM

very lovely poem. Expresses what many of us most go through every day in our lives. I really like the way you express yourself in this poem. I look forward to reading more from you. Welcome to Passions.

 "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." I am lost in my own mind.

since 2000-03-09
Posts 95
2 posted 2000-03-12 10:06 PM

very nicely done lunarflame  i can see some of that in myself   mabey thats why i like it so much and welcome to passions youll love it here  

 "scribere iussit amor" love commanded me to write

Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
3 posted 2000-03-12 10:26 PM

Absolutely wonderful work, welcome to passions!  I can relate to this very much.  Keep it up, you have a lot of talent!

 *Krista Knutson*

I do this so this world will know that it will not change me....-GB

since 2000-02-12
Posts 238

4 posted 2000-03-12 11:10 PM

this is a great poem and i like it heaps. it flows really well and i like the topic you are relaying. i can relate to...i think most people will be able to too
great first post welcome to passions
keep writing & keep smiling


since 2000-02-06
Posts 110
Clarksville, TN, USA
5 posted 2000-03-12 11:42 PM

First of all, Welcome to Passions.  

This was a beautiful poem and I think one reason for that is the fact that it's subject is one that many people can relate to.  Good job, hope to see more of your work in the future

since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now
6 posted 2000-03-13 12:03 PM

Welcome to Passions!

...and especially to the Teen Forum.

I love the poem; it's very lovely.  But you have your punctuation starting and stopping here and there.  Keep it consistant or drop it completely.  Unless that's the way it's supposed to be written?  Otherwise, easy to relate to.  Good work.


[This message has been edited by Astraea (edited 03-13-2000).]

since 2000-03-13
Posts 119
7 posted 2000-03-13 06:03 AM

hi lunarflame im new here too!! anyway great work!! Its a shame people endure such things to have written great poetry though.. 8o)
dunno how to do those smiley's yet everyone else does

Junior Member
since 2000-03-11
Posts 19
Sydney N.S.W Australia
8 posted 2000-03-13 08:28 AM

im in love with your poem
welcome 2 passions(can i say that? its my 1st day here 2)

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
9 posted 2000-03-13 06:14 PM

To me, good poetry provokes my emotions.  You have succeeded in doing that.
Nice work.

Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
10 posted 2000-03-14 02:14 PM

Welcome to Passions. I can relate to your words. I enjoyed the form and presentation of this piece but you need to take another look at your capitalization and punctuation. Otherwise a well written piece.  
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
11 posted 2000-03-14 03:47 PM

First of all, welcome to Passions!  

Next, I loved your poem-
It describes how I feel so often,
and it does it so well.
I look forward to seeing more from you,
hopefully soon.  
~Kristi Lynn

since 2000-01-19
Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~
12 posted 2000-03-14 05:12 PM

Welcome to Passions Rachel! I liked your poem alot. Keep up the good work, and I'll keep replying.  

"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."

since 1999-12-02
Posts 148
Fredonia, NY USA
13 posted 2000-03-15 09:26 AM

    welcome to passions!  This was a really great first post.  I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

since 2000-03-08
Posts 52
Duluth, MN, USA
14 posted 2000-03-15 11:29 AM

Great poem! it's easily to relate to because some times we all feel misunderstood in our day to day lives. Welcome to Passions and I look forward to reading more of your work!


 " To be free, or to be enslaved, that is the question."

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