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Teen Poetry #2
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What happens when I get bored in detention...."War"
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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What happens when I get bored in detention...."War" |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
A dark shadow ever decending Covering all the land The trees, the bushes, the plants all wilt And the animals begin to starve all 'round A war decends and men fall dead And carrion eaters thrive Men, women, children, their blood all spilled The rivers flowing with red A child's cry, a woman's scream A horse falls dead by spear A bow string hums, a man falls down The battle rages near Swordsmen clash and archers loose Everyside taking tolls One side falls back, regroups his men The battle calls again His men arrayed, he prepares to die The shout of "charge!" goes out The men, they fall, and buzzards fly The mothers only cry Battle has no glory in killing men For not just men do die But hoe and justice and peace die too Yet there is nothing we can do |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
The second to last line should have a 'p' in it to make hope. Otherwise, it looks funny. The trees, the bushes, the plants all wilt And the animals begin to starve all 'round A horse falls dead by spear *cries* A war piece that mentions the noble steeds of the soldiers! Yeah! And the habitation around them! Even better. Very drear poem. But if it was written in detention, I can understand why. Very good.  ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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emptyness Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95mobile,Ala,USA |
i dont know what else to say but i like it very cool DF |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Astraea: all I can say about the 'p' is, oopie. It is supposed to be hope, guess it is just one of those little typos that happen when your typing. As for drear, well Mr. Caulter was really getting on my nearves and we had been talking about war in western civ. seventh period so.... *shrugs* emptyness: that is a lot better than what the counselers said after they got ahold of a copy of it. They think that I was in some kind of emotional trouble, the truth is I had just fogotten to take my anti-depressents the night before, and so my mind turned to this kind of thing. But thanks, I'm glad you like it. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
great poem. I can relate to what happens when I forget my chill pills  Detention always brings out the best in people doesn't it....hehe. Good work either way. ~AF~ |
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Ashiraladoni Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 52Duluth, MN, USA |
Great poem DF. I like your work. Keep it up! Ashiraladoni " To be free, or to be enslaved, that is the question." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
A great poem, and so true. Keep up the good work, and stay out of detention! LOL "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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