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Nobody Knew Her
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Nobody Knew Her |
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Ashiraladoni Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 52Duluth, MN, USA |
*Brief explanation*: Most of my poems are thought up spontaneously, some times they make sense to people, some times they don't. Whatever I feel at a particular moment in time, I write about it. This particular prose is sort of a narrative of a young girl's life. I hope you like it. ~Ashiraladoni The days went by without a count the sun came up, crossed the lonely sky, and then set again. That's exactly how she felt. Just going along in the day, like it was regular routine. As if nobody cared about her. Her parents were professionals, gone all day. Then at night they were gone at some sort of party for a friend's friend. They didn't care. She was an only child,it didn't matter to them when she came home at 3 AM with vodka on her breath It didn't phase them when she came home with a tatoo and three new earrings. They didn't care. She sat in her room, her eyes gazing at all the things that she had once enjoyed. Her music, her flute, which now sat with a layer of dust on it. Her poems, which had been untouched for a number of years. And all the pictures of her friends, who had abandoned her for something or someone else. She picked up her notebook of poems, and wrote her final words: " They never cared. Nobody knew. Nobody cared to ask how she was doing. Nobody commented on the way she looked, or congratulated her on a fine job she did. Nobody cared. Nobody knew her." And with that, the sunset on her life for all eternity. " To be free, or to be enslaved, that is the question." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Heidi Wiitanen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
You could turn this completely into a poem, even with that prose part. Just somehow structure it in a way that fits. And the last line should read: And with that, the sun set on her life for all eternity. You have sun set as one word, alluding to a real evening sunset. If you want the sun to be setting, it's two words.  Very good. ~Astraea "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a really good poem that many teens can relate to. Keep up the good work! "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" |
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