navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » These Feelings That I Hide
Teen Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic These Feelings That I Hide Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478

0 posted 2000-03-06 04:13 PM

No one knows this side of me,
the one that I won't show.
It's hard to show just who I am,
a part of me I wish I didn't know.

This side of me is so depressing,
Though no one knows I'm sad.
They'd never know just how many
suicide attempts I've had.

I'm more confused than anything,
although I don't quite know why.
So often I just sit and stare,
and wonder why I cry.

I'm more afraid than anything
to get too close to anyone.
I've been hurt so many times
that darkness covers my sun.

No one knows how much I'm hurting,
since I won't show my pain.
I smile like nothing is wrong
time and time again.

I wish that I could tell someone
exactly how I feel inside.
It gets so hard to bottle up
all these feelings that I hide.

~Kristi Lynn

© Copyright 2000 Kristi Stanczak - All Rights Reserved
since 2000-01-20
Posts 89
Bonduel, WI USA
1 posted 2000-03-06 04:17 PM

I feel the same way.  You know that.  I guess life's funny like that.  One day everyting is great and the next you don't know where you're going.  Although I haven't tried killing myself, but in a way I guess you could say I have.  The whole eating disorder thing.  But you and I know that you have to keep your head up and know that one day things will change.  I just haven't seen that day yet.
- Gina

Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

2 posted 2000-03-06 04:33 PM

This is a great poem, but such tough things that you are facing. I've felt like that time and time again. You can never seem to escape it and that's the sad thing, but it's nice to have someone to talk to so if you ever wanna talk I'm all ears! Feel free to use my email or icq #! Keep your head up kiddo  

 "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders."

Danny Holloway
Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK
3 posted 2000-03-07 10:57 AM

Not knowing if this is about you or not, It is distrubing that you struggle with feelings that cause you to want to end your life.  At times like that, it's important to have someone to talk to who won't judge but support and encourage.  I hope there is someone like that in your life that you can turn to.
The lines "i've been hurt some many times that darkness covers my sun" tells a lot about the situation.  Knowing who to trust is difficult.  Hopefully your bad experiences will help guide you on a better path in the future.
Best wishes.

since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
4 posted 2000-03-08 09:25 AM

Thanks all, for your replies.  Ya know, life is so hard for me sometimes, although I try my best not to show it at all.  
Gina:  I think we both get along so well because of being so alike in these ways.  We've both been through so much more than we should've been at our age...
Salooma:  Thanks for your support.  It means a lot to me, whether you believe it or not...
Danny:  Yes, this poem is about me, just the side of me that I don't let anyone see.  It's so hard, sometimes.  I have someone to turn to, and if not, it seems I have everyone here in Passions, right??  Thought so...
~Kristi Lynn  

since 1999-11-13
Posts 251
5 posted 2000-03-08 02:35 PM

good work!! you write with such depth and emotion. just know that you are not alone out there, people are there for you and so is God :>
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
6 posted 2000-03-08 03:42 PM

pharon~  Thank you for your reply.  I'm glad to know that people are there for me, and I'm especially glad that I have God to turn to.  If it weren't for him, who knows where I'd be right now.  Probably not here on this computer, huh?  God has definately been a big help in my life, along with certain friends I have, including a couple I've met here in Passions, whom I'd like to thank...
~Kristi Lynn    

since 1999-11-14
Posts 69
7 posted 2000-03-09 01:35 AM

I know exactly how you feel.  You put your feelings into words really well in this poem.  I think we have all felt like this some time, and it hurts the most when you don't tell anyone.  Kwep your chin up and keep writing!
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
8 posted 2000-03-09 01:11 PM

Thank you for your reply, ILoveSrfrs.  It means a lot to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way, although lately everyone seems so happy when deep down I'm having the worst time of my life...  Thank you for being there...
~Kristi Lynn

since 2000-01-31
Posts 228

9 posted 2000-03-09 03:29 PM

When I first came to Passions, I had just broken up with the love of my life who doesn't speak to me anymore. I was hurt, scared and alone. I'm not saying that my life is perfect now, but I found people here who allow me to express my feelings to htem via poetry. Sometimes, writing poems late at night is the only thing I can do to keep from slashing my wrists. I too can identify with this poem as well as many others you write. You are an extremely talented person who has so much ahead of themselves, though you may not see it now. Beautiful poem as always and if you ever want to talk, feel free to E-mail me at


 "The worst of what people do to one another is deceive.
Because when you love someone you control their version
of reality. If you lie to them that's like making them
autistic so that what they believe is reality is in fact,
not their true situation at all."

It's not the angry words that break the heart, it's the silence.

Someone said that true love is like a ghost -- often spoke of but never seen.
I've seen both and yet in my darkest hours, tend to believe that neither exits.

Junior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 39
10 posted 2000-03-09 07:54 PM

  Thank you for this poem.  You really wrote from your heart and I admire that.  You are exactly right.  So many times life can get so hard, but we always want to hide it from others.  The awful diseases of hopelessness, sadness, loneliness, and shame can soon become too much to handle.  But remember, without the rain, there can not be a rainbow.

since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
11 posted 2000-03-10 09:24 AM

Crystal and Rachella~
Thank you so much for your replies.  For me writing is basically my only way out- the only way I can express myself.  I'm glad that you both understand- it means a lot...
~Kristi Lynn  

New Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 6
12 posted 2000-03-10 11:19 PM

Hey! that poem took some time to get out into words didnt it? that stuff is really hard to talk about. you did an excellent job! is this how you are still feeling? i have been there believe me! i just got out of the crisis center about 3 weeks ago for trying to commit suicide. i was diagnosed with major depression and i am on zoloft and i have therapy once a week. so believe me when i say ive been there and i still am! its really tough stuff..... and i hate seeing other people suffering from it. i think you should get help........ from what the poem tells me. you will be happy that you got help cause you dont want to keep trying to deal with it thinking it will go away eventually......... cause guess what?? it multiples and gets worse! right when you think things cant get any worse ...... something pushes you twice as far and you wake up a mental institution! sorry im boring you with my probs?! i just hate to see people hurt! so if you want to talk to me you can email me or catch me on icq 59585297 or msn kass_baldner or yahoo kasbaldner which ever you have   i have a few lol*. your poem is great..... my advice is dont hold it in!  


"When faced with a challenge search for a way, not a way out."    -unknown

Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA
13 posted 2000-03-11 12:38 PM

This is a beautiful poem. It is very sad though. I can identify with it very well though as I am clinicly depressed. I just love your work, it is all so wonderfully written.
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
14 posted 2000-03-11 01:03 AM

please hold on to your soul. My ex-girlfriend didnt.
since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
15 posted 2000-03-13 09:30 AM

Thank you all again for your replies.  
Butterfly~  I haven't been to a crisis center- my parents wanted to put me in one, but I refused to let them.  I've been on Zoloft and saw counselors, but it didn't help me after the 3rd or 4th time I went on.  As of late, the only things that have helped me is writing my poetry, music, and a few certain friends, most of which are here in Passions.  Thanks for your support, and for being there...
DragonFang~  Thanks for your compliments on my work.  I, too, am clinically depressed, and I hate it.  Anti-depressants don't work for me anymore, and I refuse to see a counselor, because so far I've been uncomfortable with all the ones I've seen...
EagleScorpion~  I'll hold on to my soul, I promise...
~Kristi Lynn

since 2000-03-13
Posts 119
16 posted 2000-03-14 02:51 AM

Hi Angel great poem!!! Anyway if you are a teenager I think we all have our depressing times cause im not a teenager anymore I'm 21
and as a teenager I was very depressed...I attempted suicide once..I did 178 speeders and had to get my stomache pumped and spend two weeks in intensive care...on machines and stuff personally now that I look back it was very stupid of me because now I'm a very sane person and life couldnt be better, I have two little girls that I love more then anything!!! So you have a future to stay alive for!! Great work and would love to hear from you soon!!!

since 2000-02-12
Posts 238

17 posted 2000-03-14 03:18 AM

i can relate to this heaps angel. i feel at times so down and depressed and it seems that nothing can brighten my spirits. i am guilty practically all the time for bottling my feelings and emotions up, and it isn't good as you have probably already figured. holding things inside makes all the worries of the day grow, depression and hopelessness thrive on loneliness. as hard as it may be you need to find someone who you can confide in, and let your emotions flow. things do get better, as i have found, and to end your life shouldn't be an option. your day will come soon, and with the opportunities and happiness that aroise from it, i wish you all the best


since 2000-01-14
Posts 478
18 posted 2000-03-14 09:28 AM

Dana~  I know what you mean.  Yes, I'm a teenager- 18.  I've been diagnosed clinically depressed at age 15, and hey, life can be good, but there's always a part of me that's just sad and depressed.  Lately things have been pretty good, and I hope that it stays that way.  I know that there's a good future ahead of me if I let it be that way, and I tell you now that I'm trying my best.

Bec~  Thank you, too.  I have someone I can confide in, actually, a few people, some of who I met here in Passions.  (Thanks to them, by the way!)  It's still hard to do, though, which is why I write.  I know that keeping emotions bottled up isn't the right way to go about things, but sometimes it's so much easier, well, until they catch up with you...

Thank you all so much for caring, it means the world to me...

~Kristi Lynn    

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » These Feelings That I Hide

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary