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Teen Poetry #2
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down in the pit
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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down in the pit |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
bodies floating on a tumultous sea of tranquility --hey! Dang it! that's my notebook you're stepping on-- how an ocean so vioent in the middle could look so calm from afar --crap! gotta move slam dancers moving this way-- seemingly moved by the music on some subconscious frequency --wow, is that guy bleeding? oh man! my book bag, covered in beer and dirt-- and like a cobra it all goes still as the music stops --i'm moving! sit by the stoners they don't move around too much-- |
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| © Copyright 2000 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sara Junior Member
since 2000-02-24
Posts 27LaCrosse WI, United States |
Wow, this poem is different from the others I've read so far. I really like it, though. It's humorous and it's serious and it really works well. |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
I like this....I wish I could understand what you meant by it, but it's really creative. I like the way you just put different things together and interconnect them somehow. Great.. Salma "Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders." |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Very interesting. I am not sure what you were trying to say or describe. However, it has me thinking! Maybe you can enlighten us all and give us a little commentary on it. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
hmmm, well the pit is the place on the floor at a rock concert were people crowd surf and slam dance(basically they beat on each other) i was writing about the pit(the sea or ocean) because i always thought it looks kinda peaceful from afar, the writer is in th epit at the time, hence all the injected thoughts. rich-pa |
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Oo0ostephanio0oO Member
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194Massachusetts ~USA~ |
Until I read your reply, I would have never thought what you were actually describing, but I see it much clearer. You used a great way to express the emotion, and the words you used made it more powerful. Keep up the good work!  (:***Stephani***:) "A true friend will always stay a friend whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end." |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Ahhh... I see now. I have been in many pits before. I must say the best one I have been in was at the 1999 Van's Warped Tour. The Def Tones started playing and boom.... Best pit I have ever been in. I do not think I would have attributed your poem to a mosh-pit unless you told me in the beginning. You may want to work it into the title. Just a suggestion though. "WRITING IS EASY. ALL YOU DO IS STARE AT A BLANK SHEET OF PAPER UNTIL DROPS OF BLOOD FORM ON YOUR FOREHEAD." Gene Fowler |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
it is in the title. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
rich-pa: i know i shouldn't laugh at your injury, but i couldn't help it reading this... for some reason i find it hilarious ^_^*... i hope you had a good time at the concert anyway *hehehehehe* sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest (that knows enough to stay OUT of the pit) Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone --[billy corgan]-- |
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appaz New Member
since 2000-02-27
Posts 4 |
hmmm...you should have a poetry reading next time you are in "the pit" "The price of meat has just gone up, and your old lady has just gone down" -Frank Zappa [This message has been edited by appaz (edited 03-10-2000).] |
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