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Teen Poetry #2
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Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA

0 posted 2000-02-19 04:09 PM

I think this is one of my better poems I have written so I decided to repost it here for you guys to see(It is also posted in Dark Passions) Goodbye... is only the title, im not actually leaving     And also I am not actually going to commit suicide, despite the theme of the poem.     Enjoy!

Blood flows forth down fingers red.
Who will miss me when I am dead?
Not the ones that I once knew.
Friendship I have known not true.
Pain and sorrow have I known.
Only rejection was I shown.
No one came when I did cry.
Would they care if I now die?
No one tried to touch my heart,
Only did they want to part.
Was I such a horrid beast?
Love I knew not in the least.
Falling deep into despair,
I could see, they did not care.
Why did no one look and see,
What the world has done to me
Now I lay for final rest,
Gone from world that I detest.

[This message has been edited by Mistikman (edited 02-20-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Travis Welton - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

1 posted 2000-02-19 04:38 PM

Wow.....I thought that was beautiful! I loved it...I know exactly what you mean. I've felt like that before....but life goes on no matter what you do. Keep smilin'  


Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
2 posted 2000-02-19 05:54 PM

Very well-written Mistik! I think your "darker side" is a wonderful poet!  

 "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul

Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-02-19 10:26 PM

Wonderfully written Travis. The meter is smooth except for 2 places where I tripped up. If you want me to go father indepth with that..let me know.  
Junior Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 13
San Antonio,TX
4 posted 2000-02-20 01:11 AM

u have talent!!!

I'm impressed!! lol
i wish i had such depth…… i feel so shallow…… LMAO j/p
But i love that……

Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
5 posted 2000-02-20 02:08 AM

Salooma- Thank you   I shall try.

LyricFetish- Thanks, my darker side is usually stronger than my lighter side, it has more ammunition  

Marilyn- please do, I am always looking for ways to improve my poetry(especially my meter) Lemme guess, its

Surely not those that I knew


Tired of failing life's test

Am I right? I trip up a little when I hit each of those lines, more on the second than the first though. I think taking out the word that in the first one will be sufficient to fix it, what do you think? I dont quite know how to deal with the second one  

-LeAnn- Thank you, I am flattered   If you want to see real depth, check out Michael in Open #6 and Dark Passions, his recent stuff has been absolutely incredible.

Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
6 posted 2000-02-20 03:45 PM

I finally made it over here to read your work. WOW! You have great flow. Sad message though. There is One who cares. The world can be a tough place, with a lot of folk who seem not to care! Excellent writing!


There's only two ways you can go...
One way you can save your riches,
And the other will save your soul.
Rich Mullins

Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
7 posted 2000-02-20 03:56 PM

WhtDove- Thank you. It is merely coincidence that your first impression of my poetry is that it has good flow   This is the first poem I have written that has had proper meter the whole way through, thanks to the help of a certain moderator with much more skill than I. Thanks again Marilyn!!   I know the message is sad, but unfortunately some of us have to deal with those feelings every day, I guess it's just how the cards were dealt. Thanks for the support, I know I can always come here when life has me down.
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245
yellville, Ar, U.S.
8 posted 2000-02-21 08:58 AM

this was good mistik I loved it. I've felt this way many times and I agree with what u said about ur darker side being stronger than ur lighter side because I know mine is
anywhoo great poem

 To be or not to be...that is the question.[hamlet]

Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA
9 posted 2000-02-22 03:18 AM

Why thank you chic, I appreciate the support   Our darker sides can be very interesting and very scary to explore at times, but it makes great inspiration for poetry  
Junior Member
since 2000-02-21
Posts 33
Miami, Florida United States
10 posted 2000-02-22 02:58 PM

This is so good!!!!!! I can relate to this poem many times!
since 2000-01-19
Posts 194
Massachusetts ~USA~
11 posted 2000-02-22 09:54 PM

The words are so powerful. I really liked this. It's just sad that I have felt this way at one point in my life. I just hope I won't feel it again.

"A true friend will always stay a friend
whether or not you feel as though the friendship or relationship is about to end."

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