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Teen Poetry #2

Kisses

potrygirl
Junior Member

since 2000-02-16

Posts 23
Peoria, Arizona, United States

0 posted 2000-02-18 05:15 PM

Thanks Again for your input!!

Kisses

Your kisses put my head in the clouds.
Your kisses conect me to a world where I leave
     everything behind.
Your kisses overtake me build me up and let me
     down again.
Your kisses have the power to make a bad day good or
     a good day fantastic.
Your lips contain such passion, fire, and flame.
That I need not any further I crave not anymore
     because you give me more them I could ever
     want or need.

-Stacye Walters-

P.S. Thanks for the editing help and that last line idea i like wish i would of thought of it.

[This message has been edited by potrygirl (edited 02-18-2000).]

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

1 posted 2000-02-18 06:53 PM

Well, it seems this guy is a great kisser!

I think you meant to say "have" instead of "has" in the fourth line. Also, I think your last sentence would work better if you changed the order to something like "I no longer must know such craving". Just a few suggestions. Interesting topic by the way.

"The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul

Danny Holloway
Member Elite

since 2000-01-15

Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK

2 posted 2000-02-19 12:31 PM

I also liked the topic and your expressions.
Your on your way to being a good poet. Keep
writing!
Danny

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