Teen Poetry #2 |
Candy in the Garden of Eden |
Ophelia Speaks Junior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 11suburbia, IL |
I cry for you no longer. keep your sugar coated kisses that freely tumble off your candy lips that smiled to kill what faith was left inside me of hollow spaces open you up and see how many ribs you are missing of how many Eves you’ve created out of the dust only to feed them the fruit of rejection with a glass of nectar and ambrosia hoping it will make you invincible from the serpents slithering about my feet but even serpents can have candy smiles too. This is for a guy who I love enough to watch him hurt me. |
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© Copyright 2000 Megan - All Rights Reserved | |||
LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina |
Woh....this is really good! I like the connections to Adam and Eve. This just speaks for itself. Way cool! "The bullets you bite from the pain you request, you're finding harder to digest" -Collective Soul |
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poetic_butterfly Junior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 25illinois, usa |
i love it soooo much! really. i think you're an amazing poet. ....the words that stand still are often the ones that move us most.... |
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Ophelia Speaks Junior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 11suburbia, IL |
Thanks guys- This was just one of those things that i started writing and had no clue where it was headed. Then it just sort of came together! Thanks for the encouragement |
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Nights Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 56 |
This was a great first post. I enjoyed reading it. Hope to read more from you "It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath..."-FTE |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
ophelia: i like this one a lot... i'm sorry i wasn't here to catch it when it (and you) first debuted on the forum... i hope to make up for it in the future the imagery is the high point of this work, i'd say... very good job sincerely, jerome the mysterious priest Disarm you with a smile And leave you like they left me here To wither in denial The bitterness of one who's left alone --[billy corgan]-- |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Wow, awesome! I love the allusion to Adam and Eve and the way you wove the 'candy kisses' and such into it. It creates a very unique and stunning image. Keep up the great work! *Krista Knutson* "Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~ |
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