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Teen Poetry #2
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hoppy
Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271


0 posted 2000-02-12 05:49 PM


I want to remember everything about you
but you hurt me and it makes me want to forget
the things that scared my soul
Those things that haunt my mind
each night in my dreams

i don't want to remember the dream
you know the dream, the dream when we
walked hand in hand across ground of white
sky lite in red hearts lost in a sea of blue
I could see everything in your eyes except I love you
from me your eyes of blue strayed
everytime i remember i feel so alone and afraid

i walk alone a picture of you in hand
the scattered memories flood my mind again
again it hurts like the first time you left
but this time I know the ending all to well

You speek to me and all i feel is pain
if i were to feel anything it would be in vein
in reflection the irony sickens me
my heart could handle nomore so i turned and walked away


9-9-99  




 "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity."

Don't look... you might see.
Don't listen... you might hear.
Don't think... you might learn.
Don't walk... you might stumble.
Don't run... you might fall.
Don't make a decision... you might be wrong.
Don't live...you might die.

© Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved
poetry_kills
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
1 posted 2000-02-12 07:45 PM


hoppy: the poem as a whole is fairly good, but lines 7-10 stand out for me... "you know the dream, the dream when we/ walked hand in hand across ground of white sky lite in red hearts lost in a sea of blue/ I could see everything in your eyes except I love you"... this is true poetic language and frankly i think these 4 lines are a brilliant piece of writing... i somehow dont feel that the rest of the poem compliments them as much as i wish it would, but either way the poem is good... just wanted to point out those lines... very good work

sincerely,
jerome the mysterious priest

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
~Coleridge



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