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Teen Poetry #2
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Lay Still This Night - reposted from a few months ago
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Lay Still This Night - reposted from a few months ago |
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Astraea Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 378California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now |
Yes, I'm impatient; I should probably have waited a few more months to see if I could have fixed some of the errors I know are there. Just wondering how the reactions would be now.  Lay still this night when the stars sing quietly while the watchdog sleeps as the blanket of night settles The pit I've fallen endless To fight, eternally helpless my grip loosens my will fades my heart slows O why can't you let me lie still this night? With hunger in your eyes masked with clouds With open arms to forgive silent to not condemn With a gentle smile on your lips the cool winds soften O let me lie still this night! Let your ghost rest once Let my soul go on Let go of me Why must you haunt me so? Creeping closer, you reach out to hold, help to comfort, soothe to plead, rest to cry, forgive I scream silently Begging you with tears I collapse in fear Pleading with sobs I break from a shell Blocking memories in walls I keep my sanity Shivering, shuddering, quaking you touch my heart with forgiving confidence Broken, crying, waking you hold me close gentle, solid tenderness Alone, lost, empty, you whisper in my ear an angel's echo And when I rock, holding myself hating myself wishing everything would fade My words unlock what you mean to assume: "Let me lie still this night! Let all the pain leave me empty, empty from all given and gotten, let me suffer alone! "Let me lie still this night, without screaming memories to pain. Let the needles of my own pierce, let your haunting leave me be!" You smiled and I feel darkness close over me ever more Tears were in your eyes The arms tightened Your words shook "Let this be the night you lie let my words carry you thus and my haunting kill you no more: I forgive you "Let your heart grow warm again let the guilt lift placed by your own hands and so let my words be a sun: I forgive you "Let the tears stop flowing let your eyes dry now and so let my light guide: I forgive you" You left; I cried deeper still than before You had so much more to give! I took it all it away You had so much more to say I stole your breath You had so much more to live I killed you Your hand's touch burned the night you lay still The next dawn silent when your breath ceased And with your last you wrote with shakes Poetry I couldn't forget in death my lock my key my death my life Saying with all the friends in the world In one burst of goodness Your last was to me in pen: I forgive you O let me lay still this night when no memories haunt me so When I could have saved you and did not fight and do such With your goodness and feeling innocence lost I took from a world with ignorance turning away taking back ignoring you For that I pay still more to give until I die But the years have taken I have but one wish selfish Let me lie still this night "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness." "Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things." |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
i enjoyed your poem quiet a bit, only long poem i've read in a while that held my attention. It was very full of emotion, the part i liked best was the desciption of night's hold on you. Vivid imagery, the only probalby was i had a hard time getting started but after the first few lines it just took off. very nicely done NEW POETRY FORUM NOW OPEN "If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity." SUBMIT YOUR POETRY HERE, AWSOME PAGE. NEW POETRY FORUM ADDED Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. THE PAGE OF PURE POETIC EXPRESSION!! |
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The Haunted Poet Junior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 37Sumner Washington |
Very well written poem if you ask me! I loved the haunting of the soul idea and such. I salute you! And the key to getting responses so quickly I guess is to respond to other poems..... I think..... |
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Jer Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443USA |
Great job. I remember when you first posted this. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
*wipes away a tear* how melancholy, yet how very touching this poem is... also very readable and easily understandable... i commend you astraea... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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