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Teen Poetry #2
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since 1999-11-09
Posts 378
California! Yeah! Okay, I'm done now

0 posted 2000-02-03 11:22 PM

Yes, I'm impatient; I should probably have waited a few more months to see if I could have fixed some of the errors I know are there.  Just wondering how the reactions would be now.  

Lay still this night
        when the stars sing quietly
        while the watchdog sleeps
        as the blanket of night settles
The pit I've fallen endless
To fight, eternally helpless
        my grip loosens
        my will fades
        my heart slows
O why can't you let me lie still this night?

With hunger in your eyes
        masked with clouds
With open arms to forgive
        silent to not condemn
With a gentle smile on your lips
        the cool winds soften
O let me lie still this night!
        Let your ghost rest once
        Let my soul go on
        Let go of me
Why must you haunt me so?

Creeping closer, you reach out
        to hold, help
        to comfort, soothe
        to plead, rest
        to cry, forgive

I scream silently

Begging you with tears
        I collapse in fear
Pleading with sobs
        I break from a shell
Blocking memories in walls
        I keep my sanity
Shivering, shuddering, quaking
        you touch my heart
        with forgiving confidence
Broken, crying, waking
        you hold me close
        gentle, solid tenderness
Alone, lost, empty,
        you whisper in my ear
        an angel's echo
And when I rock, holding myself
        hating myself
        wishing everything would fade
My words unlock what you mean to assume:

        "Let me lie still this night!
        Let all the pain leave me empty,
        empty from all given and gotten,
        let me suffer alone!

        "Let me lie still this night,
        without screaming memories to pain.
        Let the needles of my own pierce,
        let your haunting leave me be!"

You smiled and I feel darkness close over me ever more
        Tears were in your eyes
        The arms tightened
Your words shook

        "Let this be the night you lie
        let my words carry you thus
        and my haunting kill you no more:
        I forgive you

        "Let your heart grow warm again
        let the guilt lift placed by your own hands
        and so let my words be a sun:
        I forgive you

        "Let the tears stop flowing
        let your eyes dry now
        and so let my light guide:
        I forgive you"

You left; I cried deeper still than before
You had so much more to give!
        I took it all it away
You had so much more to say
        I stole your breath
You had so much more to live
        I killed you

Your hand's touch burned
        the night you lay still
The next dawn silent
        when your breath ceased
And with your last
        you wrote with shakes
Poetry I couldn't forget in death
        my lock
        my key
        my death
        my life
Saying with all the friends in the world
        In one burst of goodness
Your last was to me in pen: I forgive you

O let me lay still this night
        when no memories haunt me so
When I could have saved you
        and did not fight and do such
With your goodness and feeling
        innocence lost
I took from a world with ignorance
        turning away
        taking back
        ignoring you
For that I pay still
        more to give until I die
But the years have taken
        I have but one wish
Let me lie still this night

 "Sometimes stars can only be seen in darkness."

"Sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things."

© Copyright 2000 Tiffany - All Rights Reserved
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271

1 posted 2000-02-04 01:59 AM

i enjoyed your poem quiet a bit, only long poem i've read in a while that held my attention.  It was very full of emotion, the part i liked best was the desciption of night's hold on you.  Vivid imagery, the only probalby was i had a hard time getting started but after the first few lines it just took off.  very nicely done


"If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity."


Don't look... you might see.
Don't listen... you might hear.
Don't think... you might learn.
Don't walk... you might stumble.
Don't run... you might fall.
Don't make a decision... you might be wrong.
Don't might die.


The Haunted Poet
Junior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 37
Sumner Washington
2 posted 2000-02-04 10:50 PM

Very well written poem if you ask me! I loved the haunting of the soul idea and such. I salute you! And the key to getting responses so quickly I guess is to respond to other poems..... I think.....
since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
3 posted 2000-02-05 01:37 PM

Great job.  I remember when you first posted this.
Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
4 posted 2000-02-05 09:08 PM

*wipes away a tear* how melancholy, yet how very touching this poem is... also very readable and easily understandable... i commend you astraea...

jerome the boy with no brain

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #2 » Lay Still This Night - reposted from a few months ago

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