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Teen Poetry #2
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Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797

0 posted 2000-02-04 08:42 PM

I pain I felt has left me,
Leaving me happy.
I smile now for the tears have gone,
Dried up to nothing.
Whenever I think of you the laughter comes,
How much of a fool was I?
Who cares about it anyway?
I had a blanket over my eyes,
Shielding me from the truth.
The truth of what you were,
And what still is to come.
Your hatred became my hatred,
I was so alone and so angry.
But now it is all gone because you are,
And there can't be anything better than that.
I know that you will read this,
I hope you know what I am feeling now.
For my dear are nothing anymore,
And I can't believe that I stayed with you.
So I can leave now smiling,
Smiling because I don't love you,
And I don't think I will ever.
You're a beast, a creature that drains,
You fed off me.
The blanket has been pulled off me,
And for once I can see clearly.
You are just a nothing,
And I think that you know that too.

© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Dusk Treader
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN
1 posted 2000-02-05 02:28 AM

Ouch.. some harsh feelings here.  He doesn't sound like the person to love, but make sure that hatred doesn't set in for that is something you don't want.  Nice writing here.

 In flames I shall not be consumed, but reborn. -- Abrahm Simons

Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549
new orleans
2 posted 2000-02-05 08:22 PM

anonymous: i really like the second half of this poem... i dont feel that the first half gives the reader the foreshadowing that i wish was there... also, you might want to expand on the blanket metaphor a little more (since that is the title of the piece and all)... i think with a little work this can be transformed from a simple expression of feeling to a true work of poetic art...

jerome the boy with no brain

 A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

since 1999-12-02
Posts 443
3 posted 2000-02-05 08:56 PM

Good job... but don't get caught up in the hatred like Dusk Treader commented. Also... that first line "I pain I felt has left me,". Was that a typo? I think you meant to say... "The pain I felt has left me,". In all, good job.
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