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Teen Poetry #2
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Title (this one is actually sort of sweet, so I hear)
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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Title (this one is actually sort of sweet, so I hear) |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV 
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Your kisses on my skin, Keeps me from remembering when. He stole my heart and tore it in two, You were always there when I needed you. I look down at my hand and see the ring, And I can't help but sing. I’d like to be in your arms, Where I can resist all harms. I love you more everyday, Even now it’s hard to say. The ring that told everyone, I was loved by someone. You gently touch my face, All alone we are in this space. No longer am I in a shell, You took me out of that hell. You’ve helped me far more than anyone knows, My true friends say it actually shows. *how was i to kno that today id meet someone like you? how was i to see the light with him in my path and you too far to touch?* |
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| © Copyright 2000 Tamma M. Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mistikman Senior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 682San Jose, CA, USA |
Yes it is very sweet  Bravo, on an excellent poem. Having someone to catch you when you fall is a wonderful thing indeed.I am not a poet, I am merely one who speaks in emotion |
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Penelope Junior Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 31 |
Beautiful poem, and a beautiful love. It's wonderful to have someone like that in your life. -Penny My advice in life is; talk to yourself, you never know what you'll learn. |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
tamma: this is a very sweet poem and very well-written also... might i suggest, however, that you change "All alone we are in this space." to "all alone here in this space"... i think it flows better grammatically that way... just a slight suggestion to a wonderful poem... sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Oh my, I can relate to this one very much. You have me in tears, but tears of joy of course. I think you did a great job portraying your feelings. I do agree with jerome the boy with no brain though, that one line would sound better like that. Just my opinion. Great Poem, Keep it up .~Susie~ |
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chic Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 245yellville, Ar, U.S. |
wow  BRAVO!!!! this is a great poem and it is very sweet as u were told correctly and i agree with Jerome and Angel that sentence flows better with the poem, but then again it's ur poem and u can do with it as u see fit Pat urself on the back tamma it's great |
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sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
As does angel, jerome, and my sister say. a very sweet poem. I sound like a rerun saying this too, but that one line would sound better if you changed it..but as my sis said, it is your poem, and you deserve a pat on the back... *PAT* *PAT* |
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