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Open Poetry #3
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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 1999-11-02 05:22 PM


The words repeated in my head
I had been practicing for days
and yet these words could not be said
lost among my hearts delays.
the silence fell on both our ears
why did you still seem so content
struggling just to face my fears
it seemed like hours came and went.
when somehow in your gazing eyes
amiss my most unveiling hour
I felt an inner passion rise
and granted on myself the power
to tell you everything I felt
you smiled at me and brought me near
I kissed your lips and felt mine melt
as you whispered in my ear.
your softly spoken loving words
were the sweetest sounding ever said,
and ever since the day I heard,
your words repeated in my head.



© Copyright 1999 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
Watcher666
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606

1 posted 1999-11-02 05:27 PM


Beautiful!!Well done!

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Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Master
Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867
Boston, MA
2 posted 1999-11-02 05:29 PM


Wow, I truly enjoyed this. Your rhythm and rhyme are excellent. I also liked many of the lines, (but some of them could be better). I also liked the ending, but it would even be much better and much more realistic if you included the words that she told you in the poem. Just my opinion. Thanks for a great read.
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
3 posted 1999-11-02 05:33 PM


her words were thank you =)
ill put them at the end "thank you" master

Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
4 posted 1999-11-02 05:42 PM


Very sweet piece Kevin that I enjoyed reading.
Welcome to Passions!
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A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!


[This message has been edited by Pepper (edited 11-02-1999).]

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
5 posted 1999-11-02 06:08 PM


thanks for the welcome pepper

=)

and the compliments

plus i want to keep this on top =)

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

6 posted 1999-11-02 08:11 PM


Very sweet, indeed! Welcome to Passions, Kevin!

------------------
Denise


Patrick B
Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 58
uk
7 posted 1999-11-02 08:25 PM


well done,good work
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
8 posted 1999-11-02 10:45 PM


Nicely done
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
9 posted 1999-11-03 12:21 PM


thanks again guys
i love feedback

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
10 posted 1999-11-03 02:25 AM


Fine work, kevin,
Welcome to Passions.
A simple thank you can be one of the most heartfelt gifts to the reciever, well done.


Michael

Dolphins3
Member
since 1999-09-30
Posts 135
Wisconsin
11 posted 1999-11-03 08:04 PM


Beautiful Poem Kevin. I enjoyed it very much. =)
Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
12 posted 1999-11-03 08:08 PM


mike? =)
thanks i think

Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa
13 posted 1999-11-03 08:09 PM


oops i put that under the wrong post

Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho
14 posted 1999-11-05 03:21 AM


Very, very sweet. I liked this very much.

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...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG

redwriter1
Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480
Franklin, TN
15 posted 1999-11-05 01:45 PM


Very enjoyable and "readable". I like it!
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
16 posted 2004-04-18 10:10 PM


you've had some pretty good stuff over time
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