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Open Poetry #3
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my finest work please read
| Open Poetry #3 |
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my finest work please read |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa 
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The words repeated in my head I had been practicing for days and yet these words could not be said lost among my hearts delays. the silence fell on both our ears why did you still seem so content struggling just to face my fears it seemed like hours came and went. when somehow in your gazing eyes amiss my most unveiling hour I felt an inner passion rise and granted on myself the power to tell you everything I felt you smiled at me and brought me near I kissed your lips and felt mine melt as you whispered in my ear. your softly spoken loving words were the sweetest sounding ever said, and ever since the day I heard, your words repeated in my head. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Beautiful!!Well done!  ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Wow, I truly enjoyed this. Your rhythm and rhyme are excellent. I also liked many of the lines, (but some of them could be better). I also liked the ending, but it would even be much better and much more realistic if you included the words that she told you in the poem. Just my opinion. Thanks for a great read. |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
her words were thank you =) ill put them at the end "thank you" master |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Very sweet piece Kevin that I enjoyed reading. Welcome to Passions! ------------------ A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire! [This message has been edited by Pepper (edited 11-02-1999).] |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
thanks for the welcome pepper =) and the compliments plus i want to keep this on top =) |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very sweet, indeed! Welcome to Passions, Kevin! ------------------ Denise |
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Patrick B Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 58uk |
well done,good work |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Nicely done |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
thanks again guys i love feedback |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Fine work, kevin, Welcome to Passions. A simple thank you can be one of the most heartfelt gifts to the reciever, well done. Michael |
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Dolphins3 Member
since 1999-09-30
Posts 135Wisconsin |
Beautiful Poem Kevin. I enjoyed it very much. =) |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
mike? =) thanks i think |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
oops i put that under the wrong post |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Very, very sweet. I liked this very much. ------------------ ...Living is ever like crossing rivers; finding a new life on each shore ... RJG |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
Very enjoyable and "readable". I like it! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you've had some pretty good stuff over time |
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