Our fates were tangled... - pipTalk Forums

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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-10-29 10:40 PM

Our fates were tangled, we were blessed
But soon our time expires
‘Till then don’t cry, nor fake your jest
Let life stay as it is
Don’t put your palm upon my chest
We’re like electric wires
Don’t close your eyes and do not rest
Or else we’ll meet in bliss

A single touch and flames will rise
We’ll start eternal fires
A single gaze and in your eyes
My hopeless stare may freeze
And love may come in a disguise
Into immortal lyres
My soul will pour out only lies
And endless love may cease

------------------
I fell in love and kept on falling

Rico
Junior Member

since 1999-10-29

Posts 20

1 posted 1999-10-29 10:50 PM

Beautiful! loved the word choice

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

2 posted 1999-10-29 11:09 PM

Thanks Rico!

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

3 posted 1999-10-29 11:58 PM

Any suggestions on how to make this better?

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

4 posted 1999-10-30 01:51 AM

I love it just the way it is

SO, I'm no help

------------------
Cast your eyes on the ocean,
Every man goes down to his death bearing in his hands only that which he has given away...
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

5 posted 1999-10-30 08:32 AM

Thanks anyway!

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

6 posted 1999-11-02 06:21 PM

Wouldn't change a word.Awesome!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

7 posted 1999-11-02 07:35 PM

Beautiful just the way it is......

------------------
A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extrordinaire!

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

8 posted 1999-11-02 09:47 PM

Thank you!

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

9 posted 1999-11-02 10:29 PM

I love the last line epecially, Master

I've read a couple other of your poems, you write love very well...One would hazard a guess that this is from experience. If so, thanks for letting us in ever so briefly.

Corinne

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

10 posted 2004-04-25 09:55 PM

awesome!

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