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The Anticipation
| Open Poetry #3 |
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The Anticipation |
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Rico Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 20 |
The Anticipation The man sits at a small cafe Breathing heavy, heart beating strong Thinking of just what he should say Wondering what exactly could go wrong He loves this woman, he knows that well Whether she feels the same for him, Or if these words will serve to repel, Is the reason he's gone out on this limb She'll walk in, and the heads will turn She"ll gracefully aproach to take her seat His stomach is making an audible churn Life without her is incomplete He tells her, things won't be the same Their lives have just been set aflame |
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| © Copyright 1999 Rico - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
If you ever have the time, I think that this poem has the potential to be even better than it already is by continuing it; I was thrown slightly aback when it ended where it did. It sounds almost incomplete. I loved what you have so far, and I think that if you kept writing from where you left you'd really have something! Just a suggestion from a humble fellow poet. Welcome to the Forum, by the way!  [This message has been edited by Emmy (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Nice piece, Rico. And I sort of thought it was a complete poem, judging by the last line 'their lives have just been set aflame'. To me that said that she reciprocated his feelings. But I'm not an expert by any means and I'm sure if you wanted to make it longer it would be just as lovely! ------------------ Denise |
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Rico Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 20 |
That is a good suggestion. (To add more to it) But on the other hand I would hate to drag on. I wrote this one to spark imagination. To picture the scene, imbody the feelings of the suitor, and to end it in such a way as to leave you thinking about the ending. I want the reader to come up with their own "happily ever after" thoughts and have warm fuzzy feelings inside. Another reason I wrote this poem was because of a story I was told by a young couple and how they met. I made the ending open as not to have a cliche ending. Thanks for the feedback! |
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