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Open Poetry #3
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the dead beat
| Open Poetry #3 |
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the dead beat |
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starchild Member
since 1999-10-22
Posts 59manchester, england |
the dead beat the heavy heat the far cry from the old streets the old way the golden days the facist way the dead rage the family brutality the elite the american dream the cold sweat the heart attack the broken back the overworked the underpaid the too young to get laid the the teenage birth the hush hush the bright white snow that turns to mush the people dying on the street the blind eye the dead beat |
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| © Copyright 1999 starchild - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
this is nice. it's has good rhythm, good rhyme, yet it doesn't really stand out. doesn't grab your audience. it's title, while good, doesn't stand out. the same could be said of the rest of the poem. when I read the title, I instantly thought, "young, angry, immature, horendous". as a writer you have to try to make the reader think in good terms and not negative ones. it's just the way of the game. |
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handbagsatfiftypaces Junior Member
since 1999-11-02
Posts 12 |
Desperado you make me so angry. That is not the way of the game. Fair enough if you thought the poem was bad, but to say I HAVE to make the audience think in positive terms is the biggest pile of @#? * I have ever heard. Poetry is about, if anything, freeing yourself from all codes and rules and restrictions and conventions, you don't have to do anything. Unless of course you want to write plastic poetry, poetry by numbers where you give it good rhyme and meter and structure and punctuation and enough metaphors and similes and clever little references to other things so that pompous scholars all across the land can revel in how marvellous it is when at the end, when everything is said and done and everyone has patted you on the back for writing the way they decided was good, you are left with a heap of **** that means nothing. Well that's my two cents |
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