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Open Poetry #1

Angel on My Shoulder©

Genea
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 321
USA

0 posted 1999-07-04 11:52 PM

Angel on my shoulder
You’re not heavy at all.
Watch over and guide me
You catch me when I fall.

Angel on my shoulder
My Father sent you here
So I will have more faith
And less worry and fear.

Angel on my shoulder
I know that you’re the one
Who leads me to heaven
When my last day is done.

Angel on my shoulder
Don’t ever go away.
I need you here with me
Today and every day.

jfreak
Member

since 1999-06-17

Posts 306
Yuma, AZ, USA

1 posted 1999-07-05 04:44 AM

This is my suggestion. That you try to expand your vocabulary. You might have made this poem a little better if you had broken out a thesarus. Don't get me wrong, it is really good poem. Structure is good, scheme is good, idea is good. Just as a poet, you should want your poem to reach out and grab someone with your words. It just seems a little too plain to me. That is all. It would be a great Hallmark card for sure though. *wink* Keep up the good work and let see if we can expand on the current skills you posses.

Jfreak

Genea
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 321
USA

2 posted 1999-07-05 12:39 PM

My gratitude for your proffer on my rune.

:-)

jfreak
Member

since 1999-06-17

Posts 306
Yuma, AZ, USA

3 posted 1999-07-06 01:24 AM

You got me, you got me.

LOL

That was a good one.

Jfreak

Genea
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 321
USA

4 posted 1999-07-06 09:18 AM

hehe.....hoped u would!
:-)

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