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Open Poetry #1

A falling star

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-08-20 10:51 PM

The clouds were twirling, changing form
The stars were smothered all around
And silence screamed inside the storm
The sky was blending with the ground

The world was shocked to see this sight
And people stunned with sudden change
My pen could not portray this night
And not a word stayed on my page

The rain was pouring with great pressure
It silenced screams and cries and hoots
The evil moon observed with pleasure
As trees were overturned with roots

The thunder barked along with hounds
And lightning lit up skies afar
And through the barricades of clouds
I caught a glimpse of a falling star

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I fell in love and kept on falling

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

1 posted 1999-08-20 10:55 PM

Wow, wonderful!!! I love storms...don't you?? Great work!!

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

"If I could be an angel, I'd make your every wish come true. But I am only human, just a woman lovin' you..." Trisha Yearwood

Starith
Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 176
Leesburg, FL USA

2 posted 1999-08-21 12:02 PM

"My pen could not portray this night
And not a word stayed on my page"

love those lines ... good work

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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

3 posted 1999-08-21 01:42 PM

Thanks for your comments, someone proposed to me to take the second stanza out, what do you think?

Sue
Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 383
France

4 posted 1999-08-21 04:15 PM

I like the second stanza very much, but I'm not sure if it fits with the rest of the poem. Maybe you could use it in another context?

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

5 posted 1999-08-21 08:11 PM

THanks Sue! I agree with you now that I've read it over.

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I fell in love and kept on falling

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