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Open Poetry #1
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The Ravin' Toerag
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The Ravin' Toerag |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Once upon a midnight snoozing After a night of heavy boozing With Poetwheel, my buddy, and old Long John at the bar Suddenly, within mid-stumble, thought I heard a little mumble, "What the world is that?", I grumbled Standing near the kitchen door. 'Tis the breeze and nothing more. Once again I tried to rise up, Trying hard to get my thighs up I heard that distant sound come somewhat louder than before. "What the hell is happening here? Could it be Wheel with a beer? That's it! A nightcap for good cheer. Here I opened wide the door….. Toerag sat…..and nothing more. "Toe!", I cried. "What brings you here Upon the steps of Balladeer And why the hell are you dressed in a red Christian Dior? Oh, dear Toe, please don't look so sad. Looks like you're going to go mad. Please tell me now, my useless gonad What brings you here to my back door?" Quoth the Toerag…"please…..no…more" "Why, Toerag, boy, my little cretin, We know you've taken quite a beatin' First by Balladeer and then by Wheel, three times more, But you're the one who drew your guns and blasted me with witless puns Now YOU'RE the one who lies undone Impaled on my rhyming sword." Quoth the Toerag…"please…no…more" "HAH! You will find no pity here! No brainless little ditty here. Pure poetry comes out from each and every single pore. So hold on to your mindless chatter in your head until it splatters And you go mad as other hatters Who had come to win before!" Quoth the Toerag…."please…no…more" And poor Toerag, never flitting, Still is sitting, drooling, spitting, Mumbling fragments of half-sentences and no one knows what for For it was made so very clear by Poetwheel and Balladeer That no one ever need to fear The poet Toerag was before…. Nameless here….forevermore. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Delores Hall Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 342USA |
Very innovated.Got a good laugh. |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Balladeer, I am actually laughing out loud at work about this one. It may have something to do with seeing someone referred to as a "useless gonad." Great Job....soon he shall be undone. PW |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yo Balladeer and Poetwheel...It's me, numbnuts....the useless gonad....LOL...Great poem my friend....as usual, it's taking you and Poetwheel to hurt me so....and I'm such a nice guy too?..I just don't understand?....And then that "thithy thailor" LongJohn has to join in....Geesch! Oh well, I guess I should just crawl back under my rock, get another few drinks....and just continue to write the kinder poems, about love, and feelings and romance and LongJohn's affairs with sheep..etc. etc. etc....... |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Toerag, I think it would sadden us all should you choose to abandon comedy. Besides, you have inspired me to try out for the: Canadian Annual National Flatulence and Regurgitation Try-outs. (CAN-FART) PW |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
LOL.....Yanno?....You really are a "gas" man!..............Honestly...I do enjoy yall's humor and come-backs..... |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer I've often wanted to take on Poe's style - nice job. It is truly nice that I may sit on the sidelines and watch masters at work. The best part of this is that all of you have enough class to take a good-natured poke at each other, and to laugh when the tables are turned. Somewhere along the way I realized that women define friendship as supportive cooperation, men define friendship as competitive interraction. Miles apart in approach, with the same ends achieved either way. Is life great, or what? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Can a female butt in? Good job, Balladeer, what a male cheering section you've all made for yourselves! OK Toe, let's see what you've got as a comeback... ------------------ © KRJ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
In fact I have absolutely nothing to say, but I had to respond to this one. You idiots make life much brighter. |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Love the retorts don't stop. Nice one Balladeer. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Good one, I enjoy your guys humor! Taken all in good pun, I'm glad to see you guys taking it so well! hehe |
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ac Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 129Cayey, PR - USA |
score for Balladeer...another well-written chapter in this never-ending saga......Toerag, your turn to prove you're much more than a "useless gonad"... |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Geesh...... Should Toerag stuff a sock in it? Or LngJhn loom in underwear? Should Poetwheel turn out a quip? Another Ballad from Poe-Deer? That's it!...I'm pulling out my WHIP  [This message has been edited by Nan (edited 08-11-99).] |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
A whip?..A paddle?...Over your knee?..Can I go first?..Can I? Can I?....LOL |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Toerag...you're better than a Timex watch. I admire your class (remind me I said this and I'll deny everything!) Wheel....looks like another one for our side Long John...Yes, indeed. Life is great. Thanks for the kind words and watch your back. I'm gunning for you after the toupee crack....made me flip my lid! Nan... I'd love to be the beatee As long as you're the beater 'Cause you're a real sweetie Pain couldn't get much sweeter. |
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blueloon Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 161NY |
Have to add another females point of view...you guys make me laugh the whole day through! blueloon |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
'Deer: Tsk, tsk.... *G* And great job! LOL. But next time you find sweet Toe outside your door... will you please send him back to me where he'll be appreciated? LOL. OK, OK... perhaps I appreciate him TOO much... (I think you misunderstood what he was pleading for mercy from! LOL) |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
hah, I love reading parodies like this... you seem to be quite good at them, too...  This is beautiful, and you did a good job of keeping the ominous tone of The Raven alive in the spirit of this poem, even if it was about a useless gonad on your front step...  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Pure poetry comes out from each and every single pore. You said it, not me! But I sure do agree, great job on this for a rookie  |
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