Bal's Accession (Part 2 of Satan's Snow - which it helps if you read first)

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Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

0 posted 1999-08-06 06:04 PM

You've all read the story
Of apothecary Bal
Who was indirectly responsible
For Hells first snow fall

Now with Hell frozen over
In a bank of white flakes
Satan was busy making good
On oaths one shouldn't take

The Eagles were touring again
And U S Woman's Soccer won
While the Pope had decreed
It was "OK" to have protected fun

When God caught wind of it all
He just had to know
Was it true what he'd heard?
Had Satan made it snow!

So down God did go
To that fiery pit of woes
Where upon his arrival
He took a snowball to the nose

The land of fire and brimstone
Was truly covered in white
With demons and sinners
In the midst of a snowball fight

Well, God not being one
To partake in such hostilities
Asked one of the playful
For Satan's hospitality

His Holiness was directed
To Hell's seventh plane
Where monkey vomit vats
Were kept for the criminally insane

"Well, hello there Stan"
Greeted God as they met
"How the Hell ya doin' Joe?
What brings you to this Pit?"

"I've heard rumors Stan
That things have gone south;
And you're havin' to make good
Now what's this all about?"

"It's all because of him!"
The Devil spat
As he pointed a claw
Toward Bal in his vat

"He gave me a lethal dose
Of penicillin you see,
And when I stopped sneezin'
Hell was in this deep freeze."

"You know all those times
I swore on a snowball's chance?
Well they're flyin' around…
Just take a glance."

"I've seen your problem Stan
You should know, it too is mine.
The balance of good and evil we keep
Can't have them thinkin' Hell's a fun time."

"Tell ya what I'm goin' to do Stan
You've done your fair share of good
You're absolved of all remaining oaths.
Now melt this snow! Understood?"

"Oh, and one last thing Stan.
At the hands of a good deed
Bal has suffered plenty
So, He's coming with me"

To Heaven the two flew
Where God bestowed upon Bal
In gratitude for his actions
The post of Surgeon General

It was then that God sneezed
For while in Hell he caught cold
Bal fulfilled his new appointed task
Proscribing two white pills of mold

But how was Bal to know
God and Satan shared the same gene
The one from mom
That caused a penicillin allergy

So when God sneezes
What does one say?
I guess we'll never know
With Armageddon on its way

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

1 posted 1999-08-09 11:51 AM

I'm crushed! Not one response over the weeked. What is it? Too Long? Did the title throw ya? Or do you just not like it? I can handle criticism, good and bad... just not silence.

Ain' Miss Behavin'
Junior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 25

2 posted 1999-08-09 12:38 PM

Bless Yourself?

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

3 posted 1999-08-09 05:44 PM

Thank you AMB for readin' through and leaving your mark. Very much appreciated.

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 1999-08-09 08:14 PM

Well, I'm just guilty of simply missing it. I've been on and off so quickly this weekend I just didn't take the time to hunt it down....and the darned things move so quickly! I enjoyed part 1 and like part 2 even more. Poems like this show true imagination.....rumor has it that God threatened to sue Satan over this whole situation but Satan just laughed and said "Where you gonna find a lawyer up there?". Thank you, Andrew.

Artur Hawkwing
Member

since 1999-06-30

Posts 444
USA

5 posted 1999-08-09 10:17 PM

the computer ruined it, darnit...

[This message has been edited by Artur Hawkwing (edited 08-09-99).]

Artur Hawkwing
Member

since 1999-06-30

Posts 444
USA

6 posted 1999-08-09 10:20 PM

Bless you, I thought God created everything even genes so ... actually he has a gene? I'd be stunned if he had any at all! Very thought-provoking, well taken care of - thank you for the opportunity for me to read this. I missed the first part. I have missed every single poem in 5 days, and another 10 days before that. I am sorry for my lack of responses. Summer's just not uh... my online season.

Poetwheel
Member

since 1999-07-07

Posts 208
Canada

7 posted 1999-08-09 10:59 PM

Fantastic! Well done as a charred T-bone. Bravo.

PW

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http://www.stormloader.com/poetwheel/den.html
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Dragoness
Senior Member

since 1999-08-07

Posts 513

8 posted 1999-08-10 05:46 AM

Sorry Andrew,spent the weekend looking for the first one! This was great!!!

------------------
Set you heart free and your mind will follow.

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

9 posted 1999-08-10 06:32 AM

This was just as great as the first one, your imagination flowed with these. Sorry I did not catch them sooner, this place just seems to busy lately.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

10 posted 1999-08-10 02:13 PM

Thank you, one and all for taking the time to read and share your comments. You've all made my day! I definitely understand how easy it is to miss something given all the postings that materialize in a 24 hour period, so no apologies necessary. Part Three? It's a possibility… depends on whether God can cease sneezing before that final blast.

If you will indulge me, I would like to acknowledge my inspirational sources for these two pieces. First of all, thanks to Harlan Ellison who wrote something titled the "Chocolate Alphabet from A to Z." Where the letter "Q" stood for a demon who did just what was described in "Satan's Snow." I read it all of some 20 years ago and it has always stuck with me as a very funny situation. If you ever come across this selection of short stories I highly recommend them. Secondly, I give thanks to the humor of George Carlen with a routine that stated: "The guy we think of as God is only third in command." Thus, the whole notion of God and Satan being less than supreme, having a mom, and being brothers. Sort of a Cain and Able thing.

I would also like to thank all of you who reside within these poetic halls for have provided the inspiration to create and the courage to present those creations. I bow to you and yours in humble gratitude.

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