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Open Poetry #1
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New Guy, New Poem, comments welcome
| Open Poetry #1 |
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New Guy, New Poem, comments welcome |
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JohnDoe82 Junior Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 42MO, USA |
The Core You speak softly, but listen not, You're a drug, a narcotic of the worst form, Infinite pleasure bringing infinite pain, Who are you to entice me with suffering? You scream and silence all but yourself, You blind me to the truth, Lies laced with fact, Who are you to dictate reality? Your singing fills the air, You hypnotize with melody, The careless leading the ignorant, Who are you to run my life? You stop speaking when I listen most, You're a coward without loyalty, A coup at the precise moment, Who are you to lead and abandon? A drug, a lie, a careless being, a traitor? My closest ally? I've found you, but cannot uproot you. I'm helpless. Lead on, friend. I'm just curious as to what you think of it. To whom or what is the poem referring? |
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| © Copyright 1999 JohnDoe82 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
As you are the author, It's pretty hard to say to whom or what you are referring! I like it though. I actually think it may work a little better without the four line verse format, in fact some of the questions at the end of the verses are quite powerful and would have more impact if they stood alone, between long verses. I really like the first 4 lines and the last verse also. Good work. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I like the poem. My first thought about who/what the poem is about - my computer!  |
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JohnDoe82 Junior Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 42MO, USA |
Poet DeVine, You must be a P.C. user, am I right? I don't have that trouble on my Mac. |
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Princess Lily Member
since 1999-07-13
Posts 149USA |
I may be very off on this so correct me if I'm wrong... A friend perhaps who is close to you yet they will not let you see the real person that they are... as if you may not like them. ------------------ We see only what we want to see~unless perhaps~we believe *A rose is a rose it withers and dies...so long as you keep it the memories stay alive* |
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JohnDoe82 Junior Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 42MO, USA |
Perhaps I'll just let the cat out of the bag for those who care, but this is about human emotions in general. Thanks for the thought. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
This was great, you gave up to soon, the cat wasn't suffocating yet. I was gonna say it was your inner self.  |
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PrincessDoo Junior Member
since 1999-07-30
Posts 41Cerritos, CA, USA |
i could be wrong also.. but it could be about a significant other that you cant figure out too well becuase they are so mysterious but that is why u like them in the first place.... but it seriously feels like it could be someone you are attached to at the heart... ------------------ 823 |
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redwriter1 Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 480Franklin, TN |
sounds like the agony and ectasy of love to me.. but.. then.. again.. could be just a great beer.. (sorry.. had to say that).. really nice writing though... and I don't believe the "in general" thing for one minute... (smile) So fess up... ------------------ Kay-lynn |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Whomever or whatever this poem is referring, I sense some talent here! Fabulous work JohnDoe! And welcome to our happy home! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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