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Open Poetry #1
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Crap
| Open Poetry #1 |
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Crap |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA 
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I take it back, everything I've writ, tho' well intentioned, it's only shit. His rhyme is forced, his metaphor sucks. his pull on pathos barely plucks. My own device pales by compare I cannot write the poetic fare. Artists be warned when exposed as I hide thy work or willingly die. |
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| © Copyright 1999 JP Burns - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Hehe. Have you ever heard of Sturgeon's Law, JP? I think there would be a lot less crap, poetic and otherwise, if we could all look at our work with a more critical eye. We should all be our own worst critic, and avoid the deadly trap of falling in love with our own words. Only then can we learn... Great job! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I liked this although it's not your usual style. Sounds angry. I'm not sure I understand your meaning in the last stanza. Maybe you could enlighten me? Thanks. |
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Poetwheel Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 208Canada |
Opinion: I don't like this one... (edit by Ron) PW A guy writes a poem titled "Crap" and you call it sarcasm for saying its aptly named? I said this with not one ounce of sarcasm... and I meant it. PW ------------------ Poetic Wheelbarrow http://www.stormloader.com/poetwheel/den.html This is Ron: it's fine to not like a poem. It's fine to say so (and even fine to give no indication why). Sarcasm, however, is not fine. [This message has been edited by rcarnell (edited 07-20-99).] [This message has been edited by Poetwheel (edited 07-20-99).] |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
agree with mr wheel i do |
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Red Letter Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 85Allentown, PA |
Now, now, JP... Anger does not suit you well. As for your poem... hmmm... well... LOL... It's just not all that good - I know you can do better then that when you give it 5 minutes of thought! Have a little faith, Sweetheart... |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Overall, I thought the comments on this piece were well said (except for PW - didn't quite understand what was going on there.) I knew the minute I posted that thing (actually during the hangover the next morning) that is was poor.... pretty good rhyme in spots though.... Thanks for the honest critiques everyone. |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Well, considering you had a hang-over when you wrote this, I'd say it's pretty good! I liked it! It made me laugh! Haven't read too many poems that rhyme and use the word "shit" so well!! It's fun to write one occasionally that's a bit far-fetched from what we usually see!! Keep on writing when you're hung. (over) LOL ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
If ever I was to write when I was hung, I would write nary a verse or song to be sung. I would pen, in submissive pose, words of rhyme and sensual prose. |
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r. baker33 Member
since 1999-07-03
Posts 55glen easton wv |
I liked it. I laughed my A** off. I can say it was different. |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Jeeze Louise! I thought this thing was great!! It's not often you find a poem to make you laugh that rhymes good too - and not too many that have the word "shit" in them! That's talent man! This made me laugh...believe you me, I've felt the same way about my own writing!! Sometimes you just have to Force 'em to fit...mighty funny work to be written while you're hungover...  ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Funny how my crudiest work gets the most attention. ------------------ Dum spiro, spero JP |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Hey I've commented on this one twice, and my replys haven't shown on the screen !! I feel I'm being cheated! LOL I think this is a great poem - You used such "colorful" terms and made me laugh!! ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Okay, so I'm too old to be up this late !! I thought you weren't getting my comments on this one, but I simply hadn't "backed out" far enough for everything to "roll over." Now you have a grand total of 4 messages from me on this!! LOL ------------------ - poet FemmeFatale "The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet |
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