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Edge of nowhere
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Edge of nowhere |
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Tyke Junior Member
since 1999-08-22
Posts 26Calgary, Alberta, Canada |
EDGE OF NOWHERE Standing on the edge of nowhere, Lord, I'm on the edge of nowhere hoping to belong to somewhere tired of hiding amongst the shadows of the memories of my yesterdays watching rainbows through the rain as the nights push out the days leaving me lonely with my misery waiting on a second chance to try and start over again I need to break through to her Let her know what she is to me just can't stand this pain of being alone every day without her here beside me. I'm back to drinking whiskey Lord I'm back to drinking whiskey can't face what stands in my way now that she's gone from here I can still smell her beauty as it tears the fabric of my soul leaving me lost in a different time and place from a long long time ago Been so lonely I've cried at night Lord I've cried at night now that she's not around I've wandered through the streets at night trying hard not to be alone and in the arms of a stranger I have found some comfort there but the emptiness that's left behind just keeps working on my mind and I'm hurting deep inside now there's nowhere left to hide these feelings I have for her praying she'll come back to me. I just can't stop missing her Lord, I can't stop missing her I see her everywhere I go down by the water fall I hear her voice so sweet and low up on the mountain top I see her hair flowing in the wind down in the valley low I feel her touch so soft and gentle I'm so cold and lonely now Lord, I'm so lonely now standing on the edge of nowhere wanting to belong to her now that she's gone from here. tych 9/2/99 |
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| © Copyright 1999 Tyke - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Absolutely beautiful and sad at the same time. Wonderful use of imagery. I can't help but to wonder if this was written as a song though. Nice job and welcome to the group!! ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Angel Rand Member
since 1999-09-04
Posts 134London UK, and Zurich Switzerland |
 Made me want to cry! It was soo beautiful and soo sad! I liked the way it flowed. Hoot is right, it is almost like a song. Angel |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Tyke, More like an epic in fabric. But I enjoyed the read |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
I really enjoyed this one, and my first thought, too, was that it reads like a song. It is well written. Welcome Tyke. I'll look forward to more of your work.  ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Hello Tyke. Oh, the heartache of love gone cold... you have clearly expressed it here! You have employed some excellent lines such as "wathing rainbows through the rain/as the nights push out the days" and "I'm back to drinking whiskey" (twice, though?) and "standing on the edge of nowhere" (which echoes your title). I think this is longer than necessary to get across the message, though, IMHO. Even one edit by removing repeated thoughts and phrases could do it. Oh, btw, I liked the line "I've found some comfort there" but I think you may have inadvertantly picked that out of a Paul Simon song.... maybe?? Sometimes I use a line from a song, too, by accident because I have so many of them floating around in my head. All in all, a very nice effort here and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!  dp |
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Sue Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 383France |
Actually, I liked the repeats - it's the way the mind works when something really bad happens. |
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Tyke Junior Member
since 1999-08-22
Posts 26Calgary, Alberta, Canada |
Hoot - A song!! what a wonderful thought Thank you Angle - I'd love to to come over and wipe away the tears, as I'm sure the rest of the guys would like to do to. Seymore - An epic! a very interesting thought, but it could only be the first stanza. what do you think? Caroline - Your words are to kind. If a man never brought tears to the eyes of the women he loved he could never have told the truth. Doreen - Your thoughts are appreciated, but when you go back to whiskey after many years of absence I seem to repeat alot more things than just my thoughts and phrases, but I think I'll follow Hoot's advise and turn it into a song. As far as stealing a line from Paul Simon I think you are right. if memory serves me right (whiskey seems to cloud it a lot) I believe it was 'the boxer' or something like that. I wonder if Paul will forgive me? Again thank you for your thoughts. Sue - You are just to kind and beautiful - thank you Thank you all. |
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