»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #2
»
Clouds - Challenge from Hawkwing
| Open Poetry #2 |
|
Clouds - Challenge from Hawkwing |
|
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland 
|
I lay on my back and watch the clouds in the Summer blue sky They transform their visual being constantly They can be studded like pebbles along a seashore Or they can seem to explode like a nuclear mushroom. Whispy and mystical, constantly altering You could almost call them emotional Their meanderings seeming to climax Up in the heavens, their realm. Unpredictable like the sea Never two visions of sky shall be the same. Their rhythm is peaceful like trees gently asway Almost hypnotic these changelings With little imagination to the naked eye They form shapes, realities we know. As I watch there is a commotion Struggling, changing something is going to blow Boiling, tumultous, billowy expanses Climax is imminent. Then suddenly this motion finally ceases The turmoil has blown away And once again the skies are clear. PLEASE BE KIND IN YOUR CRITISM ME FIRST ATTEMPT AT FREE VERSE AND I DON'T LIKE IT!! ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Isis - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I do! Very lovely, Isis! ------------------ Denise |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Well thanks Denise, I have no confidence in it, being my first time!!...:.. ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
Isis- This is a challenge well done.... now you can celebrate what you have done, a breakthrough of trying "free-verse".... I am pretty surprised that you have never tried free-verse before because free-verse is done with free thinking... and formatted (rhyming) poetry, which you have done, seems (to me) to take some thinking because you have to get the lines rhyming.. and if you didn't rhyme, then it'd turn out into free verse. I am impressed! The last person I would agree with is you (of course!). I think this is a work of high quality and endeavor.  Congratulations! |
||
|
WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Isis this was really a deep thought! I like how it has a twist to the end. Very well done! ------------------ Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Valiant effort, Isis. It is always good to expand one's knowledge of forms. I don't prefer free verse for my own poetry but, each time I attempt it, I realize how difficult it really is. You did well. |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
You did a great job with this form. The thoughts were clear and easy to follow. easy also to relate to....my children and myself enjoy watching the clouds as they roll by and change. |
||
|
Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Good poem...free verse in my opinion is the easiest and most expressive form of poetry....I liked how you made a simple thing in anture seem so active and alive, even human. ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Why thank you all, now I feel a bit better about it... ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Thanks Hawkwing again, and dare I say I may be ready for another challenge? ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
Soleil Member
since 1999-06-12
Posts 113 |
Very, Very nice. I enjoyed reading this. |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Thanks Soleil, I enjoyed doing it, even though it fazed me at first.. ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Isis: I thoroughly enjoyed it...so only compliments from here, no criticism... HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Thanks RainbowGirl I feel my horizons slowly broadening.. ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
dreamy Isis..... ------------------ May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Thanks Pepper my friend!! ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
||
|
Pufalove Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 119Houston, Tx. USA |
Very expressive, very nice. It took me right to the clouds.....very much like life. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||