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Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

0 posted 1999-09-28 06:51 PM



I lay on my back and watch the clouds in the Summer blue sky
They transform their visual being constantly
They can be studded like pebbles along a seashore
Or they can seem to explode like a nuclear mushroom.
Whispy and mystical, constantly altering
You could almost call them emotional
Their meanderings seeming to climax
Up in the heavens, their realm.
Unpredictable like the sea
Never two visions of sky shall be the same.
Their rhythm is peaceful like trees gently asway
Almost hypnotic these changelings
With little imagination to the naked eye
They form shapes, realities we know.
As I watch there is a commotion
Struggling, changing something is going to blow
Boiling, tumultous, billowy expanses
Climax is imminent.
Then suddenly this motion finally ceases
The turmoil has blown away
And once again the skies are clear.


PLEASE BE KIND IN YOUR CRITISM ME FIRST ATTEMPT AT FREE VERSE AND I DON'T LIKE IT!!

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A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



© Copyright 1999 Isis - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 1999-09-28 08:40 PM


I do! Very lovely, Isis!

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Denise

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
2 posted 1999-09-28 09:22 PM


Well thanks Denise, I have no confidence in it, being my first time!!...:..

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A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



Artur Hawkwing
Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444
USA
3 posted 1999-09-28 10:17 PM


Isis- This is a challenge well done.... now you can celebrate what you have done, a breakthrough of trying "free-verse".... I am pretty surprised that you have never tried free-verse before because free-verse is done with free thinking... and formatted (rhyming) poetry, which you have done, seems (to me) to take some thinking because you have to get the lines rhyming.. and if you didn't rhyme, then it'd turn out into free verse. I am impressed!

The last person I would agree with is you (of course!). I think this is a work of high quality and endeavor.

Congratulations!

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
4 posted 1999-09-28 10:36 PM


Isis this was really a deep thought! I like how it has a twist to the end. Very well done!

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Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
5 posted 1999-09-28 10:36 PM


Valiant effort, Isis. It is always good to expand one's knowledge of forms. I don't prefer free verse for my own poetry but, each time I attempt it, I realize how difficult it really is. You did well.
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
6 posted 1999-09-28 10:51 PM


You did a great job with this form. The thoughts were clear and easy to follow. easy also to relate to....my children and myself enjoy watching the clouds as they roll by and change.
Systematic Decay
Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........
7 posted 1999-09-28 10:54 PM


Good poem...free verse in my opinion is the easiest and most expressive form of poetry....I liked how you made a simple thing in anture seem so active and alive, even human.

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"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
8 posted 1999-09-29 12:42 PM


Why thank you all, now I feel a bit better about it...

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
9 posted 1999-09-29 12:44 PM


Thanks Hawkwing again, and dare I say I may be ready for another challenge?

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



Soleil
Member
since 1999-06-12
Posts 113

10 posted 1999-09-29 08:39 PM


Very, Very nice. I enjoyed reading this.
Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
11 posted 1999-09-29 08:49 PM


Thanks Soleil, I enjoyed doing it, even though it fazed me at first..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023
United Kingdom
12 posted 1999-09-30 12:34 PM


Isis: I thoroughly enjoyed it...so only compliments from here, no criticism...

HUGS

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You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.


Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
13 posted 1999-09-30 12:45 PM


Thanks RainbowGirl I feel my horizons slowly broadening..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
14 posted 1999-09-30 01:40 AM


dreamy Isis.....

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
15 posted 1999-09-30 03:25 AM


Thanks Pepper my friend!!

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)



Pufalove
Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 119
Houston, Tx. USA
16 posted 1999-09-30 03:31 AM


Very expressive, very nice. It took me right to the clouds.....very much like life.
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