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JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

0 posted 1999-09-25 04:12 PM

I died today.
Not in body, no,
That would have been far better.
I killed my soul,
I pulled out my heart,
and obliterated it, completely.

My fear killed me.
Fear of happiness,
fear of love,
fear of being a whole man.

I looked on the face of joy,
and it scared the hell out of me.
For so long, I have been a fortress.
Superman's fortress of solitude,
was a castle of sand
compared to the walls within my soul.

I touched happiness by chance,
not looking for what I found.
I drank from its limpid pool,
quenching a raging thirst,
I did not realize that I had.

I am a coward.
A coward afraid of his own heart.
Running from the love she gave,
like those in search of the grail,
when faced with the cave rabbit.
"Run away! Run away!"

Am I bitter? Yes.
Not at her, but at myself.
She did nothing, but offer.
Offer me the love I needed,
offered to erase the pain of nothingness,
which I had grown accustomed to.

Her energy enlivened me,
her intelligence intrigued me,
her beauty aroused me,
her perfection enthralled me,
her love fulfilled me,
and I ran like a frightened child.

Safe now, in my comfortable gloom.
No one to elicit joy in my heart,
no one coaxing my soul to feel,
no one upsetting my solitude.
No one to quiet the cacophony
of tormented screams in my mind.

Once again my heart languishes,
in the dormancy of winter's grasp.
Once again in my wretched void,
safe from the threat of happiness,
protected from the horror of love.

In my self imposed agony,
I hold tightly to spirit's extinction.
Acid tears cleansing me of love.
In my sorrow, I embrace the death,
I have visited upon my soul.

------------------
Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

Star Fairy 2
Member

since 1999-09-06

Posts 260
cerritos, california, usa

1 posted 1999-09-25 04:46 PM

very nice piece. i loved it.

------------------
"If to rectify your demeanor,
You must imitate another,
Your philosiphy on morality
Is a burden on your mentality,
Your actions based on popularity,
Will never fulfill you internally,
Cuz the world was not blessed with equality,
But rather with fake geniality.
--823--

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

2 posted 1999-09-25 04:56 PM

This is very well done, JP. Very sad, full of emotion and pain.

------------------
Denise

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

3 posted 1999-09-25 05:22 PM

I could feel all the emotions in this JP..the fear, the anger, the lonliness and the security in the KNOWN......very well written Sir.......

------------------

May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

4 posted 1999-09-25 06:55 PM

Very nice, the raging frustration of the piece is loud and clear.

------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 1999-09-25 07:57 PM

You certainly are intense, my dear...

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

6 posted 1999-09-25 08:10 PM

Wonderfully done, you described those tumultous feelings beautifully..

------------------
A hero is a man who does what he can.
~Isis~
(The Fragile Rose)

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