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Open Poetry #2
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Showdown at the Forbidden Fruit (I'm gunin' for ya Toe!)
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Showdown at the Forbidden Fruit (I'm gunin' for ya Toe!) |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
The town's main street stood empty, deserted and silent Except for a dust devil the only excitement The old clock on the wall chimed eleven forty-five When the hour struck noon someone was slated to die At one end of the street t'was a house of ill repute Named by Madam Suthern "Ladies of Forbidden Fruit." Its foremost customer was the outlaw Toerag Not that this fine southern belle was Toerag's real bag Toe's reason for staying was planted out back The best pumpkins and orchards, that was a fact While other patrons sought a lady's fine favor Toe sought peaches of a different fruit flavor Now an outlaw by trade that much was true His last rustling job was Balladeer's ewe So a bounty was place on Toerag's head "Toerag: Dead or Alive!" Was what it read. The old clock on the wall stated eleven fifty-five When at the bar's end sat Andrew with a colt forty-five Andrew came looking for Toe's bounty to collect But first he had to save all the ladies from Toe's neglect Now through out all of the town the truth had been spread Of Andrew's superb prowess in a lady's bed One and all, women offered him a slice of cream pie And he ate every piece served by the side of their thigh With the ladies all satisfied, Andrew sat at the bar While Suthern and others pleaded that he not go too far Much as Andrew would like, the hour would chime too soon And he had a meeting with Toe at exactly high noon Stepping boldly out into the dust strewn street Andrew searched for Toe his nemesis to meet When he could not be found, the building Andrew went round Where Toe was schtumping something orange upon the ground "Stand and deliver Toe! Your time has come due! For molesting that fruit and rustling Deer's ewe." Toe got up and with a slavish smile said: "Andrew, you'll nay collect upon this here head!" Andrew and Toe viewed each other with dark intent Squinty eyes - tobacco spit, with their head slightly bent Hands towards holsters with itchy trigger fingers Beads of sweat to show where the fear lingers Andrew knew that Toe was the quicker draw But no one else could see what Andrew saw In a flash of lightning Toe went for his gun While Andrew just stood there awaiting the fun For as his side arm Toerag did happen to pull A slightly bruised banana, looking so much the fool Laughing hysterically at this pitiful sight Andrew then attempted to finish the fight Andrew sent lead flying for fortune and fame Still laughing so hard it was useless to aim He emptied his gun of all six deadly shots But not a one did claim their intended spots Three errant shots did Andrew score on Balladeer's ewe The others took poor spectator Suthern through and through And when the dust settled Toe was also found dead "Toe died of embarrassment." Is what they had said With his job complete Andrew soon left the town The bounty collected and Toe six feet down But before he left this bit of wisdom he gave Inscribed upon the head stone of dead Toerag's grave The moral of this story if you're looking for one… While in public never pull your banana for fun You just may end up shooting your best friend And so embarrassed you'll die in the end. [This message has been edited by Andrew Scott (edited 09-24-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrew Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Oh Gawd Andrew!!! This is just toooooo funny!! ------------------ What you hid from your parents as kids, you will hide from your kids as parents. ~Cletus T Judd~ |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Laughing...you guys are just too much!!- ------------------ Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints in our heart and we are never ever the same. Thank you all for leaving footprints!! |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
BRAVO commander Andrew.. thought we lost you there for a bit..heheh |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Took the weekend off It seems so did Toe Still aiming for him So back to the top I go Lt. Lucie: I forced him out of forum into another… had to switch gears… and now he's back here. One slippery character that Toe is, but I'll nay give up the fight. Lady Hoot: Much gratitude to you for your response. Just me having fun. Wild Child: Glad to have been of service, for humor is my true aim. Toe just happens to be the target.  Here Toe... Here Toeeee... come and read the nice little poem... That's a good boy Toe... come on... |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
this is so much fun Andrew......terrific humour here....terrific writng too..... ------------------ May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Andrew's mistaken, and his aim sucks too, When he shot at Toerag, his aim wasn't true. He shot at my crotch, it bounced right off, Cuz I'd just gotten outta bed, with the woman he'd lost. Being this kind and gentle type guy, I just pulled the banana, and you may ask why? Toe feels sorry, for poor Andrew Scott, The women all laugh at, what "little" he's got. The Cantina women, all talk about him, How his preference isn't for sexy women, The one gal that loved him, did all that she can, But she still lost Andrew, to another man. [This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).] |
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JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
Oh my !!! ... ROFLMAO ... Andrew, in this kind of poetry, it is one of the best I've read ... Toe, Great answer ... and now it's your time to shoot ! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, Andrew, I see you have performed magnificently! Wonderful job. Yep, Toe and his banana are well-known in these parts. Ever since that silly gal Suthern from Madam Ramitin's House of No Repute told Toe he needed more appeal, he's been carrying around that banana. Juanita's been after him ever since! It died and turned mushy months ago but he don't even know the difference. Thank you for a wonderful saga! |
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JTF Member
since 1999-08-09
Posts 319France |
ROFL @ It died and turned mushy months ago but he don't even know the difference .. Watch out Toe's revenge Deer ! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Wonderful saga, my left hind foot! LOL. He killed me off, 'Deer one... and you applaud his efforts AFTER you've called me silly??? See if I'm ever nice to you again!!! *G* Hmmmmm... On second thought, see if I'm ever nice to you! LOL Toe: How kind you are to feel sorry for such riffraff. *G* How Andrew would love to have your appeal! LOL. Andrew: Well done... except for that fantasy part where you ate all that cream pie... but Sally Sheep was smiling when you left? *G* |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Andrew This was a fine ballad, and most likely a true story. Did you notice how Toe's hiding behind Suthern's skirts? A real tenderfoot, he is. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
LJA....I wasn't hiding....and it wasn't behind Suthern's skirt...it was under it....and my foot is the "Only" thing tender about me fella!.........Andrew's just jealous cuz I got the woman,,,,he got your sheepdog..... [This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).] |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Oh yes… most definitely every word of this saga is true!… See, it's right here is black and white… ya, ok so its black and blue… but its still true! Especially the part about Andrew and the ladies! Toe doesn't know squat, just squash! Sir Balladeer… sorry about killing that silly ewe, but as it turned out she was a willing hostage of Toe's and at the last second she jumped in the way. Honestly I think she was going for the banana. As for Lady Suthern… well like you said Long John, Toe was hiding behind that skirt of her's and what's a bounty hunter to do? To everyone else thanks for looking in… glad I could make you smile. [This message has been edited by Andrew Scott (edited 09-27-1999).] |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Andrew: Tears of laughter here...ROFL HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yassee? Andrew admits it's true...especially the parts about the women! How is old Lady Spot...Mr Scott?....Does she cum when ya hold up your tiny milkbone? Does she fetch? Does she roll over and play dead like the other gals used to do with you? Your poem was well written.......Superbly done....I guess you think, this is how the West was won...but remember ya old fruit...there's a rag for each Toe....you're flirtin with a hurtin'...just so ya know...I've been patient and kind, turning the other cheek...but you continue to beg, for me to use both feet....Ten Toes-ten rags....all gathered together.....keep messin' with Toerag...you'll wish that you'd never, started this amateur endeavor! [This message has been edited by Toerag (edited 09-27-1999).] |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Toerag: ROFL @ tiny milkbone! *G* Andrew may end up regretting his amateur endeavors... but after his attempts to tarnish my sterling reputation, I'll enjoy the slaughter! LOL. (And feel free to dive under those skirts anytime, sweetie... Andrew's just jealous cuz he's never made a woman yell OH, GOD except in disgust! LOL) |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
But Lady Spot sits up and begs? Now if he could just get her to stop pissin' on his leg? Wonder how them little "Scotty" Terriers are doing? |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
ROFLMAO...you guys are too much! Great work Sarg. Andrew! lol |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
The day will come When I shall run But not from Toerag's verbal snap The battle I'll not shun The humor to much fun My sprint will be a victory lap As for the K-9s Better than bovines Which Toe does seem to like For just last night In pale moon light He gave a Gateway box the spike Still not thinking! (That "milkbone" comment was very good ) |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Tears rolling down my cheeks from the laughter. Thankyou you both of brightening my day. I will be looking forward to reading more of this duel. Marilyn |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Marilyn: Thanks for stopping by. Don't listen to that scalawag Toerag… It's just his ghost bemoaning his untimely demise. |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Marilyn....don't listen to that Andrew Scott, he really does love me....I know he does...he loves nature too.....(despite what it's done to him)....... |
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Gansta of Love Junior Member
since 1999-09-28
Posts 20NLR,AR,USA |
Yes, but I love you all. Thats how I got my name. |
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