The Trilogy of Bal (repost because dsnyder asked for it)

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Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

0 posted 1999-09-03 08:25 PM

(Don't know if I should do this, but it was a request to repost. So here it is in its entirety. Sorry for the length. God I hope it fits.)

Satan's Snows

Lord Satan was sick
With a kink in his tail
So he called for Bal
Best apothecary in Hell

Bal took one look
At that bent old tail
Produced to white pills
And a bill of sale

"Here, take two of these,
And call me in the morn.
Now, no torturing sinners
And go watch some bad porn."

So down the pills went
With the greatest of ease
And in half an hour
Came Satan's first sneeze

It was the first of many
That just wouldn't stop
And the more he sneezed
The worse they got

With each great blast
Satan's anger grew
A madness so hot
That his horns turned blue

Sneeze after sneeze
He was now in full rage
That the Devil couldn't stop
Put his mind in a haze

Then the final fit came
With one last blow
Making Satan's mind so befuddled
That he caused it to snow

As the white flakes fell
Promises came to mind
And Satan made one more
That he'd pay Bal in kind

But how was Bal to know
What would make the Devil sneeze
That taking penicillin
Would trigger sever allergies

Poor Bal now stands in a vat
With monkey vomit to his chin
While imps in speedboats go round
Making waves that never thin

So if you find yourself
Traveling heated lands below
Reserve some pity for the demon
Who had a hand in Satan's Snow

Part II

Bal's Accession

You've all read the story
Of apothecary Bal
Who was indirectly responsible
For Hells first snow fall

Now with Hell frozen over
In a bank of white flakes
Satan was busy making good
On oaths one shouldn't take

The Eagles were touring again
And U S Woman's Soccer won
While the Pope had decreed
It was "OK" to have protected fun

When God caught wind of it all
He just had to know
Was it true what he'd heard?
Had Satan made it snow!

So down God did go
To that fiery pit of woes
Where upon his arrival
He took a snowball to the nose

The land of fire and brimstone
Was truly covered in white
With demons and sinners
In the midst of a snowball fight

Well, God not being one
To partake in such hostilities
Asked one of the playful
For Satan's hospitality

His Holiness was directed
To Hell's seventh plane
Where monkey vomit vats
Were kept for the criminally insane

"Well, hello there Stan"
Greeted God as they met
"How the Hell ya doin' Joe?
What brings you to this Pit?"

"I've heard rumors Stan
That things have gone south;
And you're havin' to make good
Now what's this all about?"

"It's all because of him!"
The Devil spat
As he pointed a claw
Toward Bal in his vat

"He gave me a lethal dose
Of penicillin you see,
And when I stopped sneezin'
Hell was in this deep freeze."

"You know all those times
I swore on a snowball's chance?
Well they're flyin' around…
Just take a glance."

"I've seen your problem Stan
You should know, it too is mine.
The balance of good and evil we keep
Can't have them thinkin' Hell's a fun time."

"Tell ya what I'm goin' to do Stan
You've done your fair share of good
You're absolved of all remaining oaths.
Now melt this snow! Understood?"

"Oh, and one last thing Stan.
At the hands of a good deed
Bal has suffered plenty
So, He's coming with me"

To Heaven the two flew
Where God bestowed upon Bal
In gratitude for his actions
The post of Surgeon General

It was then that God sneezed
For while in Hell he caught cold
Bal fulfilled his new appointed task
Proscribing two white pills of mold

But how was Bal to know
God and Satan shared the same gene
The one from mom
That caused a penicillin allergy

So when God sneezes
What does one say?
I guess we'll never know
With Armageddon on its way

Part III

Bal's Fall

Our story comes to an end
In this final chapter three
Of dangerous prescriptions
By Bal, Demon Apothecary

He plied his medical trade
Both on-high and down below
Resulting in near flames above
And hellish lands of snow

Now of God's little cold
He kept the last sneeze himself
Managing to put fabled Armageddon
Back on the top shelf

But God was very close
To blowing it all
And with lordly vengeance
He turned to the cowering Bal

"YOU ARE A MENACE!"
God did decree
"And I'll not have your pills
Anywhere near me!"

"Yet, I can't send you back."
("For mistakes I do not make.
And Stan would rub my nose in it
Of that I'll stake.")

"Bal, Heaven and Hell
Just aren't for you
But I know of a place
That I think will do."

"See that blue speck
Right down there
They call it Earth
That should be fair."

So to Earth Bal did go
With medical degree in hand
A black bag filled with mold
And a job in Maryland

Working for the Navy
Gave Bal's life true measure
Everyone wanted his moldy pills
The cure for foreign pleasure

Till one day Bal got the call
To help a man named Bill
Bal took one look
And prescribed him two moldy pills

But how was Bal to know
Bill had an odd gene
The one that caused
A penicillin allergy

And yet, Bill's was different
His brand of allergies
They made Bill feel quite at ease
Not even a sneeze

Bill soon got back
To his big white house
Where he was pretty loose
So he called his favorite blouse

"Say baby, I'm feelin' fine
Why don't you come over
And show the Pres
A real good time."

So with cigar in hand
And a little tush
Bill was makin' it
When the Red Button he accidentally pushed

Well, the birds were sent flyin'
In a nuclear rush
Mushrooms on the horizon
Were full and lush

And in the end
The earth went bust
For nothing could live
In that radiated dust

But there is still one
Who walks alone
And calls this wasted
Meteor his only home

For when God and Satan came to sort them out
Souls to their respective place
Bal, Demon Apothecary they found and said
"Looks like we've all run out of space."

(Aside)

So if you're traveling in this part of space
And come across this wasted rock so cold
Pass it on by with the quickest of haste
Because Bal's got a black bag full of mold

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite

since 1999-06-20

Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

1 posted 1999-09-03 08:40 PM

Andrew, Glad you re-posted, I loved it the first time, and enjoyed it even more this time, Thanks.

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Sometimes we have to follow a stronger voice, even if it's silent.

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

2 posted 1999-09-03 10:35 PM

This is a five smiley face poem! Thanks for reposting it Andrew, I love it. It's witty, clever, funny and very entertaining!!!

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Denise

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

3 posted 1999-09-06 01:04 PM

Thanks Dreamer and dsnyder for looking in and taking the time to read. Its far from perfect but it sure was fun to write. Glad you enjoyed.

moonmoon
Member

since 1999-08-13

Posts 277
TX , USA

4 posted 1999-09-06 05:10 PM

Thanks for posting it Andrew..I am new here & had missed it the last time...

Well written..

(Oops, my eyes are still hurting..hehe)

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"No one was ever ruined from without;
The final ruin comes from within.".....Amelia E. Barr

[This message has been edited by moonmoon (edited 09-06-99).]

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

5 posted 1999-09-06 05:36 PM

really enjoyed this Andrew

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

Pepper
Member Elite

since 1999-08-19

Posts 3079
Southern Florida

6 posted 1999-09-06 05:37 PM

really enjoyed this Andrew

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams

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