novel (please tell me what you think)

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Lorelei
Junior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 23
Philadelphia, PA

0 posted 1999-09-22 06:27 PM

UPDATED!!!
(I posted this a month ago on a
different bb and got only one
response... Please tell me what
you think!)

My novel --

This life, it bears little
more than a wisp of meaning.
This empty crude life.
Nothing can prepare us
for the coming of the dawn.

(Perhaps that is why we
sleep through the night.)
As if we couldn't deal
with the silence.
Because it is quiet,
DEAD quiet.

This vain, unforgiving memory.
It is a shame it will never pass.
Like the shadows of a curtain,
being draped upon my life,
it is there, only forgotten.

My mind doesn't seem to want
to remember. My life...
Didn't I go through this before?
Everything stays the same.
The only thing that has
changed over all these
years has been me.

The solemnity of my life.
I feel pity perhaps too often.
I question what can't be answered.

I sit now and watch a child
sitting alone on this bus.
Kind of reminds me of myself.
I know what he must be feeling.

The harshness and cruelty of
others, reaped upon me because
they can't bear themselves.
Their meaningless lives.

They sit in silence, grasping
onto whatever defenses they have,
to forget why they were
put on this earth.
They laugh at those who are
different, threatened by them.

They drown their thoughts in
music, never realizing that the
words touch their souls, a
feat which I hope to accomplish.
Never comprehending the true
meaning of this life.

The meaning of life is in my soul.
If I could only see inside,
open up my heart and see
how it beats. My soul,
but what is a soul?
Where is it?

It pleads to be set free.
Not to linger until I am about
to pass, to be realized,
to be put to use throughout my
life.
To help me through even the
toughest of times...

Never hidden...
Never forgotten...
Never disregarded.

It lifts the burden of a thousand
years.
Nothing is so desperate as
the plea of the soul.

To be seen, to be recognized as
being part of you, as being
something that, once lost,
can never be replaced.
Something so vital, that it
should never be toyed with.
Something that should burn within.

The light of the body.
The fuel of the mind.
The beating of the heart.
The soul within.
Life itself.

To stimulate the mind is
wonderful,
but to touch the soul is
something so glorious,
mere words can not contain
the feeling within.

But this is not what I
intend to explain.
I have not the time,
nor the patience,
for that would take many years...

[This message has been edited by Lorelei (edited 09-23-1999).]

Julie
Senior Member

since 1999-08-20

Posts 739
Houston, TX

1 posted 1999-09-22 06:31 PM

I like this. I just think it may be
read easier with a poetic format.
Nice work.

------------------
Julie
-------------------------
..."to thine own self be true."
>William Shakespeare

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

2 posted 1999-09-22 07:30 PM

I liked this! Very deep thought. And you really hit the nail on the head in that next to last paragraph. (about the soul) Very well done!!!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

3 posted 1999-09-22 07:44 PM

As I was reading this work - before I read Julie's response - I was thinking that it was full of some nice imagery and it was good material for a free verse poem - Maybe that's your forte??? Could be...

Lorelei
Junior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 23
Philadelphia, PA

4 posted 1999-09-23 12:48 PM

Thank you all for replying and saying nice things about my work. I was expecting to get shot down, but this is one of my favorite works, i wrote it on a SEPTA bus, so i didn't know where I was going with it. I do think it reads better in this format though, so I might have to start my novel again. Well, at least I got some good work out of it!!

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

5 posted 1999-09-23 11:01 AM

Deserves another go around. Back to the top!

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

6 posted 1999-09-23 11:07 AM

Not being an expert by any means.....I think the thoughts were wonderful gal...and, I agree with some of the above replies....great material for poetic format......

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

7 posted 1999-09-23 11:11 AM

Some powerful images there, Lor... keep writing!

ninashore
New Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 2
NJ

8 posted 1999-09-23 01:59 PM

great poem! can't wait to read more, keep up the good work!

Lorelei54
Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 458

9 posted 1999-09-23 02:31 PM

Hey! another Lorelei and she writes too! Welcome to Passions, and good luck keeping from being confused who they are talking to!
Lorelei54

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