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Open Poetry #2
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Second Best tell me what ya think
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Second Best tell me what ya think |
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AliceInWonderLand New Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 5Philadelphia |
*SECOND BEST* You said that girl you kissed last night met nothing,and you'll never see her again, so I take you back on your word, and I take all your new promises and place them with the empty ones I already heard. And still, I take you back, even with all this pain and worry lied upon my chest, but I guess its something I have to settle for when I settle for second best. And maybe you don't know how much you hurt me or maybe that is what you like, but I always seem to let you..... And I don't know why I let this go so far, maybe I'm just afraid to be alone, or maybe pain is the only real thing I ever knew.... I feel like I'm going backwards up a slide and its all my fault that my life is such a mess, but I guess its something that I want, but I don't want to settle for, but I don't think i deserve more than second best |
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| © Copyright 1999 AliceInWonderLand - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
I enjoyed reading this. To critique... remove where you can the "I's"; and I would change only real thing I ever knew to real thing I know; you can afford to remove the word all in front of fault. Be sure not to lose your meaning when editing. *Be sure YOU know (if this is now) that he is getting 1st class. I hope I am the first to say... WELCOME TO PASSIONS! ------------------ Julie ------------------------- ..."to thine own self be true." >William Shakespeare |
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anonymousposter New Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 3 |
I agree with the above comment. The word "I" is overutilized. But other than that, it reminds me of something I went through when I was a young lad. Keep writing!! |
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