»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
My Experience
| Passions in Prose |
|
My Experience |
|
|
~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
To all that it may concern: DreamEvil has asked me to help him inspire a family-oriented atmosphere here in this new forum. He suggested that to do so, I might author an essay on parenting. I have spent all day going through the books I have, thinking of experiences and came up with next to nothing that would inspire this theme the way that I want to. It leaves me with one tale of my own experience that I will share with you all, though private, you all have become like family to me. Now, sit back, relax, and let me tell you a story... Once Upon a Time, though not so long ago, I fell in love with *James at the innocent age of 14. He was so quiet and mysterious, gentle, yet masculine. And for such a time, he was sweet and generous. He courted me throughout our freshman, sophomore and most of our junior years. It was when I learned that I was pregnant that he left me. I was only 16. No one ever thinks it will happen to them, but it does. Most might call it a mistake, but I think of it as the greatest learning experience that I have and will have ever gone through. Teen Pregnancy is a national issue, yes, but the nation never seems to focus on the emotional upheaval that these young girls go through each and every day. Those of you that are parents, you understand the strength it takes to raise a child. Imagine how it would be if you were not only raising a child, but also learning adulthood, struggling to maintain your childhood, and those you thought loved you most left your side. Add to that high school, college, a job... How I managed through all of that, I still don’t know. There were a lot of tears along the way, there are still more to come. I take pride in the fact that I know I have the strength to make it through. Teen Parenting is not easy. I enrolled in a program called Young Families the second semester of my junior year. This program was for pregnant or parenting teens, granting government-funded daycare for the parents to still be able to attend high school. As a requirement, each parent was expected to take 2 parenting classes: the first, a hands-on “lab” in the daycare with your own child, the second, an in-class discussion, etc... I learned so much in those classes that not only help me to understand my children, but also to relate with other adults as well. (It’s a fabulous program! If any one would like more information on the Young Families Program, please contact me, and I would be more than happy to give it to you.) I will never forget the way people looked at me. I will never be able to forget their whispers at the lockers as I walked down the hallway. I will never forget how quickly my popularity took a dive from high status, to no-status. I will never forget that this was the loneliest time for me. I don’t imagine myself ever going through something more painful. I felt entirely self-conscious. I felt like I was an outcast, and in a sense, I was. And this was just at school... At home, there was a somewhat similar story... though also different. I lived alone with my mother, and my dad lived across town with my step-mother and my half-brother. My mom was the best for me that she possibly could be, never trying to interfere or lay her unwanted opinions on me. But at the same time, never once did she express any kind of emotion toward me or my unborn baby. I had no one to share in the joy of feeling my baby kick, or hiccup. All those fantastic experiences were mine alone. And unfortunately, I didn’t know how to ask my mom to share it with me. I guess I thought she just didn’t want to. Though, now, I understand that she was only trying to stay neutral, as I was contemplating adoption vs. parenting. She told me she didn’t want me to feel like I had to keep the baby because she loved it. And I now can hardly fathom how hard that must have been for her. My father was understandably upset with me. He was also very pushy with the adoption issue. He only wanted the best for me. He went so far as to tell me that if I kept this baby, I was not to depend on him for anything; I was not to ask for his help in anything. I understood that as him disowning me, and he mostly did, while I was pregnant. I did explore the adoption issue with an open mind. I even met a very promising couple, but I wanted to do it on my own. I wanted to keep my baby. And on August 11th, 1994, at 4:45am, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Destiny Tempest. I knew she was my destiny, no matter how stormy my future seemed. She was born two weeks before I began my senior year. Both of my parents came around for me- making sure that I had the chance to enjoy my last year of high school. I regained some status, but not with the people I used to associate with. I made sure that I was with people who really cared for me. I remember that I was so afraid that I would miss my senior prom, but I didn’t. I was lucky that I got to go to that as well. Things seemed as normal as they possibly could be. Destiny and I moved into our own apartment a month after I graduated. It was the first and only time that I had lived alone with her in this first year of her life. I was so scared. There wasn’t any help around for the first time, but I wasn’t going home. No way... After a month or so, I got the gist of things. I began working at Young Families, and I could take Destiny with me. And for the next couple of years, I would grow to become a strong, independent, single mother. When James found out that I had given birth to Destiny, he immediately petitioned for full custody. I was forced to cash in my college savings to pay for a lawyer. And for 4 years, I battled him, over and over again... How could he do this to me when he was never there through the pregnancy? And even when we established visitation, he only came when it was convenient for him. Each time that he showed up had been so long from the time before that my daughter didn’t ever know who he was. The battle became so great that James and I grew to hate each other, more and more, though we never showed it. We tried so hard to get along...he’d take both Destiny and I out for dinner... it always appeared to Destiny that he respected me. But I know, inside, we were both hating each other. That hate he held for me must have been stronger than that I held for him. It was when Destiny was 2 years old that we were on our way to the store, had just gotten in the car and were backing into the street, when a truck came from out of nowhere and smashed in to us. Thank God for car seats- Destiny didn’t have a scratch. I, however, had the ligaments torn from my spine. As I lay there in the hospital, I learned that this may have been an attempt on our lives, and I became the most paranoid person I know. I believed that it was. However, through further investigation, no evidence turned up, even though the driver that crashed in to me said he was told to do so. I had never lived in so much fear in my entire life. Not only for myself, but for my daughter as well. It was when I met Jay that I felt safe again. He was so good with Destiny, and I could tell that he loved her. James even backed away from visitation. It was clear that Destiny preferred Jay over him. As time went on, Jay and I were married. Destiny was our flower girl. That year, everything seemed to go right for us. James lost his parenting rights, and Jay adopted Destiny, and then a month later, our son, Nicholas, was born. This story has very few details than what there really are. There are some things that need to be refrained from being told. I want to assure you, though, that I am one of the lucky ones. Not every girl who ends up a teen parent is as blessed as I am. Some are forced to drop out of high school and get a job, or live on AFDC. Others end up homeless. Some are forced by their parents to give their children up for adoption. No matter what the case, it’s hard, it’s emotional. This experience has given me a new insight to the value of life. Things are always going to be hard for me, but as far as I’m concerned, it builds my character. It makes me strong. It molds me in to who I am. If you know a young mother out there who is struggling, you don’t need to buy her gifts to help her out... (though, it does help once in awhile!) Go to her, tell her that you are proud of her for trying so hard. Tell her that she is beautiful. And just give her your attention and love. She needs it right now, I’m sure. Well, DreamEvil, I hope this story grasps the sort of orientation that you were looking for. I would like to think that my story might be read by someone who needs to know what I have to say. And might my words be heeded... I will never know. But I would like to think I offer some sort of hope for those that need it most. ©1999 ~one voice~ *name has been changed ------------------ ~onevoice~ "I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart." |
||
| © Copyright 1999 ~one voice~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
wow.. *hugs* I dont know what exactly to say.. but it touched me.. and I wanted to reply.. ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Love, it works quite well. Not what I expected, but then again, you surprise me constantly. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.  ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
||
|
~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Thank You, Gentle Soul, and Dream... I don't know exactly why I chose this story to start out with, but I'm glad that I did. ------------------ ~onevoice~ "I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart." |
||
|
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
And I'm glad, too, that you did. It's a wonderful story with powerful lessons, about difficult times, difficult decisions, and a positive attitude that turns all wrong to right and all harm to good. Your children are lucky to have such a strong role model, and we at Passions are blessed to have such an honest writer. |
||
|
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
wow...*hugs*.. I really don't know what to say, other than I thank you for sharing this and for being strong..it takes an incredible person to survive what you have lived through. ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "I will sail my vessel 'till the river runs dry, like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky..." Garth Brooks |
||
|
azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
This is beautiful and so enlightening...I am truly glad you shared this one voice. Your strength is more evident with every passing day, and your message one that should reach every young person in the world. ------------------ For sometimes when the Darkness falls, we must surrender, take what is ours, and give what we can, and always remember love is somewhere waiting... |
||
|
~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
Thank you Ron, Alwye, and azblond! I appreciate your sentiments! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart." |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
A very good story...thanks for sharing ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
||
|
leelew Member
since 1999-07-10
Posts 89highmount,ny,usa |
So touching and heartfelt! Thank-You for sharing. |
||
|
Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You give hope and enlightenment to everyone who is lucky enough to read it. |
||
|
sasanka7 Junior Member
since 2010-11-17
Posts 30 |
Onevoice, I honor you for your struggle. thank you for sharing. sasanka7 |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Fine writing...interesting...James |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I don't know how I ever missed this but am thankful for the one who brought it back~~ wonderfully told and I applaud your honesty and strength...and wonder how everyone is doing now~~ M |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
