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Sanctuary....Chris's prose challenge
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Sanctuary....Chris's prose challenge |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I know I'm lagging in late with this, it took me awhile to gather the memories.*smile* I grew up in a house of dysfunction. Trust me when I tell you that is an understatement. We were the poster family for dysfunction. Our family portrait should have been next to dysfunction in the dictionary, as it defined us. You name it, we had it. Abuse, alcoholism, manic depression, infidelity, intolerance, obsessive compulsive behavior. It was all there under one roof with 4 people. Most of these traits were found in one person, dear old dad. But mother dear had her share of problems, most of which stemmed from 14 years with him. Still she made her choices and stayed for reasons still known only to her. As she did have choices and options. She had a support system. Many women in her position don't. So while they played house my sister and I grew up and tried to find where we fit in amongst all the yelling, and screaming. When your little and its just always been this way, you don't really know its bad. You know it scares you and you learn real fast what to do and not to do, but you just kinda get use to it in a numb sort of way. It wasn't until you went to somewhere different, some where quiet and patient and sane, that you realized something just might be wrong within those four walls that you call home. For us that sanctuary was called Grandma and Grandpa's house. What a magical place. No one yelled and there was always cartoons on the TV and a special meal cooked. There were always clean clothes and clean sheets on the beds and always a new toy or book. And that magic closet full of games and books and toys. There was the fish tank set up just for us. And the puppy to play with. It was heaven. As were the trips to the park, the zoo, church on Sunday. Just riding in that big, green, Cadillac with the cloth upholstered seats was the coolest thing. And always, without ever missing a time, there was ice cream cones at Velvet Freeze. But most of all, most of all -- their was calm. Quiet. There was a routine, order. It was the most comforting feeling there was, with the exception of sitting on one of their laps while watching TV or being read a story. Even doing school work was a time to share. Not like at home when one of us couldn't understand. That always resulted in being told how stupid you were and ending up with someone in their room crying. But not when you were in Sanctuary. Grandma would patiently sit for hours with those flash cards, multiplication tables. She never raised her voice or gave up. To this day I cant see a flash card and not hear her voice running thru those with me. And it is only due to her that we ever learned those damn state capitols. She had flash cards for them too. And then there was grandpa who just knew everything. And always had a stick of gum for you in his shirt pocket, always. He would let us in his workshop and play with his tools. We simply could not believe it. At home that was sin. Home was like a museum of don't touch. Dad might have just as well shrined the whole place off with those red velvet ropes. At least then two small curious girls wouldn't have gotten slapped silly for touching something sacred. But none of that existed in Sanctuary. The weekends never were long enough. Sunday night and back home always came too soon. Summers were to die for, as they sometimes kept us while Mom worked. Those memories are the strongest and still so viivid in my mind. But what two scared and confused little girls couldn't realize for years to come was, while we were there playing and growing in sanctuary, we were learning lessons of love and patience that would stay with us all our lives. The examples set there by them instilled things in us that would never leave us. Any character, grace, or resolve I have came from them and their loving touch. They even lived long enough to touch my own children and bestow their grace on them as well. Grandpa died of cancer 6 years ago and we lost grandma 3 years ago to Alzheimers. Even at her weakest and most lost time, she taught us about love. At the end she did not know who her own children were, but as soon as my sister or I or my kids walked in the door of the nursing home she lit up like a Christmas tree and knew our names. It was like sweet payback to see the look on mom's face. "You only get out of it what you put in to." Grandpa always use to say. He was so wise and so kind. They were queen and king of Sanctuary. I am who I am due to their love and patience. Their picture should be next to sanctuary in the dictionary. [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 05-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Oh Janet, this is wonderful! It really touched me. It's wonderful to have such a place to go to. Your sanctuary was really your home... great writing. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Janet, As always, I am behind schedule, hence you will see my actual words tomorrow, presently I am under a haze of sleep, juts wanted to check my e-mail tonite before I slept and meandered along here, saw your post, and said hmm better tell her that my eyes will have a look tomorrow.... regards, sudhir Hey you, out there in the cold, Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisle, With itchy feet and fading smile, can you feel me? Hey you, don't help them to bury the light. Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own, Sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me? Hey you, with your ear against the wall, Waiting for someone to call out, would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home.... by Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) - The Wall |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
J.M. You have me crying a boat load of tears!! Thank goodness for your grandparent's and their saving grace. We all need a sanctuary...I'm glad you found yours amidst the storms. **angel wing hugs** S.S. I know this must have brought back more than just the happy memories...my hope is that this helps to heal the pains of the past...it's hard to open them and allow them to heal but as you and I know....it's the only way. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Janet, first of all I must praise you on your strength and courage. I am so glad that you survived. it is true that we are all need our sanctuary's our havens from a world that at times be so cruel and uncaring. Wonderfully written, powerful. well done. ------------------------ "Here chewing your tail is joy" Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "Will you accuse me as I hide Behind these layers of disguise And the mirrors of my own happiness.I've loved the freedom of being inside Need a new start and a different time Something grows in the space between me And it's twisting and changing this fragile body" -Nicky Wire |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Janet~ This was beautiful. We do all need a sanctuary, I'm so glad you found yours  . I loved it.~Susie "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood" |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~JM as always your words touch somewhere deep inside of me. i can in a way relate to what you have wrote here. your writing is always full of such honesty and forwardness..suppose that is why i love it so much. love ya, amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
I wish all children had a sanctuary to go to like the one you've shared with us. I take it that these were maternal grandparents(?). It makes me wonder at what your mother lost in the transfer from a life shared with her parents, to a life shared with your dad. I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thanks to all who read and replied. I know MANY of us can relate to some form of this in their past. I have tried VERY hard to break the cycle and not follow the example set by my parents, I believe I am able to do that because of the examples given by my grandparents. Jana...I had to smile and shake my head in knowing agreement when I read your question.. you dont know HOW many times I wondered the same thing... so much was lost along the way... thanks all, take care jm There are places inside our souls ... that have never been touched. There are places inside our hearts ... that need to be loved this much. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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lorilockheart Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 206Alabama |
J. Marie, This is a different side of you, one that I'm seeing in your prose work, which by the way I am enjoying too. I love your honesty, and am so glad that your grandparents gave you so much - and a part of them will always live on in you, and your kids... And those special qualities have also been spread to us - because you share yourself. Thank you, Lori ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance. song by LeeAnn Womack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Janet, I have enjoyed this story tremendously -- touched my heart. Yes, thank the world for Grandmas. Sigh. My grandma had such bad cataracts when I brought her my first born all wrapped in yellow baby blankets. I put the bundle on her couch - and was holding my son. Grandma - looked at that bundle of yellow on the couch, and said, Oh, Teresa I can barely see him, but I bet he is the most beautiful babe in the world. I never told her baby was not in that bundle of blankets. OH, how I wished my children could have enjoyed her as I did. Got me all going back into time Janet, LOL shame on you. Warmly ~netswan |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet Marie--you write with such touching honesty and elegance...and the story touches so much truth and shows such wisdom...I'm so glad to have found you here as vibrant and wonderful as you are with poetry. Hugs! |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Janet Marie, I'm glad you found a sanctuary during the years you needed it most, which helped you become the beautiful person you are today. |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
amiable surroundings which we seek sometimes away from our troublesome homes...pleasant read.....its a blessing for people when they're young... Sincerely A_L |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Ah JM did this hit home. I "hid" at my Grandparents (the good ones), and know all too well the sanctuary there. It is so darn sad that every child needs to feel they need such a thing, but it is also good that there is one isn't it? Girl, this was darn good! ~* Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people ." *~ |
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rosepetals25
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076PA |
Janet, First I have to say I enjoyed this Your memories make me respect you even more for the strong woman you have become. Thank you for sharing.Hugs, Tara "My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read" |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
My thanks to Mysteria for bringing up! This is how I saw my mother and father take care of my children when they visited...they were too busy dealing with life to give us this much, but they had it in them to give to the grandkids, and for that I will always remain appreciative... Janet Marie, I truly enjoyed how this played out before my eyes...you have a gift to bring reality to the page. Write on, so that it will never be lost... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sharon, Tara and K, thank you so much for reading this...forgive me for taking so long to reply...we've had high winds here and power outages. |
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