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Of Foolish Human Pursuit: Nothing
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Of Foolish Human Pursuit: Nothing |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dusk "It's nothing." I looked down at him. He was listening intently to the reports as they streamed in through my PDTD. They held a bittersweet optimism, reporting that several enemy positions had been captured, but that losses on both sides had been extreme. We knew the feeling. The sky around our tent lit up with fiery passion. "You're bleeding." He looked up at me with a funny look. "Aren't we all?" I had nothing to say in response to that. This guy was always so darned deep in his speech. It was a wonder he had any social life at all, with all that deep thought and reflection. How does a man like that get thrown into a place like this? "You should get some sleep," I said. "It's late and we've a lot to do in the morning." "We're winning, aren't we?" Dawn It fell on us like some horrible affliction. We were cut off from the world in a blur of grey and black. "Mortar!" I arched my back and well backward, into some old demented hole left behind some time earlier. Shreads of flesh and dirt flew past above me, and I could almost hear their vultured squealing through the air. It's always been a rule of thumb. Nobody ever escapes a mortar unharmed. Period. For me, it was an emotional hole, just like the one in which I hid. There was a familiar muffled voice coming from beyond the confines of my tiny sanctuary. I crawled cautiously out, to find my friend, lying there bleeding. The blood flowed into the mud and he was slated to go with Earth now. He was leaving hell and going home. "You're bleeding." The guy stared at me blankly, and then glared at me like some teacher frustrated with his student. "Won't you ever learn?" I shook my head. For me this wasn't a lesson. This was reality. "We all lose our life to this. We all bleed away ourselves." I stared into his eyes, as the dirt on my face was washed away. It was time for me to leave. The war was ours, that was certain. "Just remember one thing when you sing about the way I and all my companions died. Lest you forget." I listened. "All this..This is nothing." "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
fractal - i've read quite a few of your prose pieces by now, and i see the same thing over and over: a good idea, with little to no exploration. you kind of just plop a few sentences down, then hit with a big line and leave it there. i think on e of the biggest strengths of prose vs. poetry is the ability to go into more detailed depth of a subject without losing the attention of your audience (if done right, of course). poetry is very good for condensing images and ideas before the punch line, but you have more leeway here... consider using that leeway to expand/explore some of your subject matter a little - you might be happy with what you come up with. Chris |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Christopher: Hm... I'll try and take you up on your advice. Sounds like, for me, some experiments are in order...   "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
I liked this piece greatly, Kevin, I had an almost Shakespearean moment with Macbeth coming to mind. I found myself stumbling a few moments though.. I don't know what a PDTD is, for one. What really threw me off was this statement: "The blood flowed into the mud and he was slated to go with Earth now." Go with Earth? Is Earth a person? Other than that, I really enjoyed this story, and as Chris said, I would greatly enjoy seeing a longer piece from you. "A hard, cold wisom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil" - Robert Heinlein |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dusk Trader: Glad someone picked up on that little symbol I threw in for good measure "Go with Earth? Is Earth a person?" Sorta. I put that in there as a bit of a mix between some of the personification of Earth found in "All Quiet on the Western Front" and the religious imagery of "Going with God" when we die, that is sometimes found in funeral eulegies. So, I decided to use Earth as the "God-figure" since it was one of the only major things that was a definite reality. I included the PDTD for cultural ambience, I guess. It means "Personal Data Transfer Device." Anyhow, thanks for the reply. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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