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Filled-in Vacancies
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Filled-in Vacancies |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas 
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Filled-in Vacancies Digging has been around ever since man discovered that terra firma, the solid part of the earth's surface, could be punctured, moved from one spot to another, displaced, opened-up. In other words, he learned that holes are created from filled-in vacancies. And filled-in vacancies are nothing more than holes when empty. He also learned that holes have a habit of catching things and that to keep a hole, any hole, empty, requires a certain amount of diligence. So tools were created to help him dig and maintain his holes. Shovels were the first really efficient implements he made. Next came powered shovels, then massive earth movers that can push, pull, lift and throw tons of dirt and rocks, and whatever else gets in the way, at a time. Then came explosives – with one “boom” man could now move calculated (or not) quantities of material at a time. He could create massive holes of almost any shape and size he desired. He was a digger and could create or clean out any hole in record time. Except for his nose. Man has never gotten efficient at keeping those two little holes in the middle of his face clean. It’s always filling up. He blows, sprays, wipes and digs yet it continues to itch, run and impede his breathing. He has created all kinds of swabs, spoons, picks and suction devices, but the most commonly used one is his finger, of which he has ten – not a single one of which fits the nose properly. They are always too big, or too little. They let stuff leak around them, slip off of things, are totally inefficient at grabbing anything that’s going to make any difference what-so-ever, and are very embarrassing when others catch them in a compromising position – like up your nose. Besides, have you ever used your finger to clean your nose when you had something to wipe it on, or wash it with. Of course not! Instead if you’re lucky enough to actually remove some of the obstructing debris , you sneak it over the side of whatever you’re sitting on and wipe it underneath. Maybe you wipe it on your pants then rub and rub to make it blend, or, if not too gooey, you just rub it between two fingers until you can launch it off in space. No hole, or holes, in all the known universe has so frustrated man. He wants it to remain clean, empty. But his nose thwarts every attempt, every innovation. It runs, it itches, it clogs with all kinds of flotsam,changes his voice and embarrasses him every chance it gets. As holes go, it is God, and brings the strongest man to his knees. The nose. The ultimate filled-in vacancy. w. james beard, jr. © december 28, 2004 |
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| © Copyright 2004 Wesley James Beard, Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Hm. An interesting little essay. I'm rather intrigued by the rather paradoxical term you use -- the filled in vacancy. You identify this with a hole. The essay is quite comical and perhaps the paradox adds to this humour. In any case, a fun read. It reminds me a little of Patric F. McMannus(sp) with his humourous stories about man and his inventions and social gatherings. The tone of the essay is distinctly masculine and so it seems that you are implicitly making social commentary and observations on contemporary male behaviour with your discussion of man in the early ages. I think I'll add this one to my library. Any idiot can see that the result is true. |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
What a fun read! And so well written! Enjoyed...Hope to see you post more regularly down here! miscellanea |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Thanks for the read and comments folks...have another few shorties to put here as I find time... been reading in here quite awhile...gonna try my hand at commenting here also - jwesley |
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