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Larry C
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since 2001-09-10
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0 posted 2004-09-25 07:24 AM



Incomplete Articles
By Larry Chadwick
It went without saying, but I said it anyway.


There it was. On my computer screen in the middle of the night. “Is one child enough for you?” No amount of discipline could keep me away. It was like a light at night on the porch to a moth. It drew me against my will. Though I closed the web page with the title I returned to the address and read as if masochism needed rewarding. I have a friend who has an only child. Before her marriage there was an abortion because of a night of “passion”. Childbirth, she determined, was going to be a one time event. Not all mothers forget. And when she found herself pregnant again there was another abortion.

Part of the answer to the leading  question was: “studies show that only children tend to do better in school, especially in science, math, and literature, have more friends, and are more flexible about gender roles than kids in larger families.” It turns out selective breeding gives us better scientists, mathematicians and writers. I am pretty content with the ones we have. And I think society has already blurred gender roles too much.

I also learned, not surpisingly, that  people who intentionally have one child are defensive about the issue of selfishness. They quote a single mom who says: “I've just never had the urge for another one. And Nick is such a great kid. He's a good sleeper, he has a great disposition, and he's smart. My attitude is quit while you're ahead. Plus, we like our lifestyle now. It's manageable. That's a difficult thing to say because there aren't many people who feel the same way. Outsiders think we're being selfish.” Imagine that. When my wife was a charge nurse in a nursing home she had a married couple as patients. Both were single children who had lived a lifestyle that they liked without any children at all. But in the end they were utterly alone. And then their was one. Both frequently expressed their feelings about the bitter outcome of their choices. It seems quite like the smoker who enjoys their habit and in the end it kills them.

The mom quoted in the article, and the author, defends the position. “As for the playmate issue, Sylvia says Nick has plenty of interaction with friends, cousins, and classmates. And for those who think Sylvia doesn't know the joys of siblings, consider that she's one of five and they're all still very close.” I would like to talk to her child, in the middle of the night, when he is eightysomething. I know a woman who just turned forty. We have spent hours discussing the fact that they have no children. It is a classified secret that they have spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to have a child. And I am sure that many with only one child would like to have another and cannot. Yet to make the choice, even intentionally, is to condemn someone to be alone eventually.

But still the article did not address my need. One child is not enough when you used to have two.

September 25, 2004



If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.>

[This message has been edited by Larry C (09-26-2004 05:06 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2004-09-25 11:24 AM


Larry

"One child is not enough when you used to have two."

This last line just aches...and you know how much I understand.  Two children just aren't enough when there used to be three, either.

Very thought filled, my friend.  


miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
2 posted 2004-09-25 07:12 PM


Though I closed the web page with the title I returned to the address and read as if masochism needed rewarding

Powerful statement, Larry! You floor me--your are either a card or serious!  Such a range!  The last item of yours that I read was a really funny poem!  

After reading this, I this I'm glad I have a brother, and two sisters; one is that silly, iliana.  For example, yesterday she knew my husband was away and I never can sleep when he's gone.  Knowing something was bothering me, we talked about every philosophy and spiritual belief I could imagine for 5 1/2 hours on the  phone so I wouldn't have to be alone!   Ya just gotta love the insanity of doing that once in your lifetime.  There's nothing like a brother or sister.

             cathy


Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
3 posted 2004-09-26 02:32 AM


Martie,
Thank you for taking the time to stop by. And it is a painful truth. But it felt good to write it.  

Cathy,
I had no idea, cool! It's fun to connect the dots. And siblings are a necessity and now my son has none. That hurts me more than anything else. And thank you so much for your sharing and caring.


If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

[This message has been edited by Larry C (09-26-2004 05:08 PM).]

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
4 posted 2004-09-26 07:01 PM


and then He created the horse...

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
5 posted 2004-09-27 01:01 AM


Rhonda,
Thank you very much.


If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

wllz.on.ice
Junior Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 35
the united kingdom.
6 posted 2004-09-28 10:33 AM


Larry there is too much love in you... i think the reason it hurts so much is because you lost the ability to expend some of your caring potential! It's a build up of loving. These forums are your release
miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
7 posted 2004-09-28 01:23 PM


Larry,
   Brothers and sisters don't always communitcate either!  It's not always sunshine, so I wouldn't feel so bad if I were you.  It has taken Jo and I 30 years to become close-knit again (Piptalk was the key!)  I don't foresee them becoming involved with piptalk, if you know what I mean...

  There are so many people who fill the pieces in our lives, even when growing older.
And if there isn't anyone around at the particular moment, the memories are.

   I enjoy reading your thoughts.  

          cathy

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
8 posted 2004-09-29 12:17 PM


wllz.on.ice,
Thank you. Actually it is simply the loss...
Ginger was 28 and teaching high school when she dropped dead of aneurysm. I miss my girl. You are a kind young man that blesses ma so much. Thanks.

Cathy,
Life is about choices. But only children have no choices. You can see I never lack for an opinion! Bless you freind.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

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