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Is it possible to love this much?
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Is it possible to love this much? |
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Sweetest Sorrow X Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146From a cradle to a casket 
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All I see is him..all I want is him. I am afraid to close my eyes...because all I see is him. Then my eyes swell up with Tears because me and him will never be. He is so sweet so geniune..When we talk I act as i IM floating on air when IM really saying..all i want is to wake up to your eyes...I don't want to pretend IM happy..I just want you to hold me and say "I love you" that would make me so happy I would die. But maybe I would finally be happy. I wouldn't be in my normal state telling everyone IM happy..Because IM not. Overtime I tell everyone IM fine..Its all lies. IM dying. All i need is him... Yet he doesn't know..he has no clue. I am scared of this broken heart of mine coming back to haunt my every step...How can I feel this strong..this much...when IM only 16..How can I feel like IM dying when I cant even drive. I have felt nearly nothing yet if i died tomorrow and you said you loved me. I would feel like everything I need to experience in life would be over. Everytime you say her name.. I feel my stomach twisting over an I lock my knees so i wont fall over on my side and throw up and cry and i start to bleed dying. But I say "Awww IM happy for you" I really feel like saying..Shes not right for you..I am! I am! She doesnt know how you feel inside..She has no idea what you are really like. I have become so good pretending to be happy..It is a great skill of mine. I have learned to cry quietly so no one will know..I don't want the attention. I just want to be alone in my misery. I wish to be alone in my thoughts where I control everyone and everything...It is all my way...No one else's. I don't end with a broken heart...I want to control my own destiny I am not depressed..I have said in the past "What is Pain..when thats all you ever felt".....This is normal for me..To be sad and dead is normal.. I hate normal..I want to feel different. I want that pick me up...But I havent had one in such a long time. Yet I still pretend IM happy enough... does it mean that the love is true when it comes with such a burden of pain? IM tired of it..I try so hard to hate everyone..But is it really hate. I want to love everyone I really do..But I just get let down..and I become a cold person who doesnt care for anyone else....Because all humans are the same..Even me. Yes call me A Psychotic Bitch..I wish i had your life.. I was I was like you..Which is to dumb to relize the truth of everyone....You only see whats on the surface not inside.. Please don't let this wonderful thing called a life...End so short. |
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loner187 Member
since 2004-03-21
Posts 106Upstate New York |
Wow, I can relate completly. There's this guy that I love so much, but can't seem to get the words out and tell him. I try to act like I'm happy when really all I want his him...just to hold me, love me... And yet I can not tell him. I tell my friends, I imagine how it could be, I write poems about being in love... But I can't tell the most important person. Help! "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." |
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Sweetest Sorrow X Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146From a cradle to a casket |
I figured many people can. |
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