Cap'n Obvious and Reiteration Boy

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Passions in Prose

Cap'n Obvious and Reiteration Boy

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

0 posted 2003-11-16 01:51 AM

      It was the summer of 1988.  Richard Drainage and his friend Barry Obvious were sitting on the blue shag carpet of Richard's room playing with their "Buzzsaw Billy" action figures.  Barry got a little upset when Richard revealed his plot to try to decapitate his Buzzsaw Billy that he pulled Richard's action figure away from him by the head.  As Barry  pulled, Buzzsaw Billy's head came off with a one-of-a-kind popping sound.  Realizing the hurt that was soon to engulf Richard, he hung his head in shame.
       "Richard, I pulled off the head of your Buzzsaw Billy."
       "Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious," Richard replied with an obvious distaste for Barry's actions.
       "I'm very sorry.  From now on, I will forever strive to better this world, and not to do dastardly deeds."
       "That's not good enough.  I will get you back, Barry.  I will get you back."  On that note, Barry exited from Richard's house.  The two didn't speak with each other for fifteen years.
       The year is now 2003, and Barry Obvious has taken on the alter-ego of "Captain Obvious" and has become a notorious superhero.  He also has a sidekick named "Reiteration Boy".  The two men travel around doing heroic things such as helping mall cops, stopping shoplifters, and holding the hands of elderly women and small children as they cross the street.  Occasionally they solve big crimes, but usually they're only involved with the small crimes and misdemeanors.
      Captain Obvious recently received a pet dolphin from Miss Walker as a reward for her safe travel across a busy intersection, and he cares a lot about his dolphin, Fluffy. Fluffy lives a nice comfortable life in Wenas Lake, where he's free to swim around and do the things that dolphins like to do. Captain Obvious visited Fluffy every day, and he'd always make sure that Fluffy was living well
       But something was different about today, he could smell it in the air.  It was a sharp, pungent aroma that filled the air alerted his senses to an impending danger.
       "Excuse me," said Reiteration Boy, obviously embarrassed by his flatulence.
       "No problem.  But that isn't what I'm sensing," replied Captain Obvious.
       "Oh, well in that case, it wasn't me."
       "Yes it was; you apologized for doing it."
       "Oh.  Right. I did didn’t I?"
       "Anyhow, on to business.  We must figure out what is wrong, Reiteration Boy, there is evil that we must fight!"
       Captain Obvious made his typical "Fluffy Call" which would normally make Fluffy jump into the air, but this time he didn’t jump,  all that he did was come to the surface and blow air out of his blowhole.  Captain Obvious realized that this was abnormal and wondered what was wrong…
       "This is abnormal, I wonder what is wrong!"  The Captain stated.
"You know what, Captain Obvious?  This isn't normal, do you know what is wrong?"
       "I know, this doesn't seem normal does it?  Perhaps there isn't enough water?"
       Upon their investigation of the water levels in the lake, they noticed that the water level was drastically dropping by the minute.  This wasn't like the lake at all, which usually gets drained slowly for irrigation.  That could only mean that somebody was doing something to lower the water more quickly than usual.  The two men wandered the premises but couldn't find anything that could be the source of the disturbance.  It was right then that they heard an evil laugh.
       "Mwahahahaha" came a voice from somewhere on the other side of the dam.
       "Hey, Reiteration Boy, I hear an evil laugh on the other side of the dam!"  Captain Obvious remarked.
       "Shhhh, Be quiet, Captain.  I hear something.  It sounds like an evil laugh on the other side of the dam!"
       "I think you're right!  Let's go check it out!"
       "Captain, I think we better go over there and check it out," reiterated Reiteration Boy.
       So the two men wandered (or stumbled rather, seeing as how the men were getting on in years) to the dam and looked down.  It was there that they saw a tall, scrawny man cloaked in darkness.  They looked at each other and each had a look of understanding, knowing that this was the quintessential image of evil…minus the scrawny part.
        It was at least a 50 foot drop to the bottom of the dam where the evil villain was standing, so Captain Obvious and Reiteration Boy decided to see what their capes were made of.  They leapt from the ledge into thin air, and immediately plunged all the way to the bottom of the dam.  Although the villain didn't approve of their trying to stop him, he made sure that the two men were okay before he went back to laughing.
       "Mwahahahaha!  I am Professor Pain, the prolific diabolical super villain known all over this absurdly small city"
       "This is Professor Pain!  The prolific super villain, and our arch enemy!"  Responded Captain Obvious.
       "Professor Pain! I've heard of him!  Isn't he a prolific super villain?  AND our arch enemy?!" asked Reiteration Boy.
       "YES!"
       "Excuse me. My self introduction didn't require any response."  Professor Pain snapped.
       "Sorry," the two super heroes replied in unison.
       Now it was critical that they figure out if it was Professor Pain who was behind the draining of the lake.  If so, how would they stop him?  What could his motive possibly be for trying to kill Captain Obvious' dolphin?
       There was a big metal lever near the Professor's right hand.  As the water poured through the gaping hole in the dam, the lever worked its way further and further down, letting more water out then the second before.  That must be the lever that controls the flow of the water through the dam, thought Reiteration Boy.  Although he knew that he had figured something out, he wasn't sure how to go about telling Captain Obvious without it first being stated by somebody else.  He felt compelled to let his observation be expressed, but didn't quite have the courage to say it.
       Captain Obvious noticed the intense anxiety building in Reiteration Boy, so he asked, "Do you have something that you want to say?"
       Finally mustering up the courage to speak on his own behalf, he replied, "Yes, I do have something that I want to say.  Hey!  I didn't repeat what you said word for word!  I can speak on my own!  Oh yes, Captain Obvious, I believe that big metal lever is controlling the flow of the water from the lake through the dam!"
       "Boy, I think that big metal lever is controlling the flow of the water from the lake!" reiterated Captain Obvious.
       Reiteration Boy pleaded, "No!  Captain!  Fight the urge, don't let Professor Pain's powers get to you, don't let him make our roles reversed!"
       "Boy, I have studied Professor Pain's super hero playing card, I know that roll reversal isn't one of his powers.  I simply wasn't paying attention to what you said."
       Captain Obvious felt a tap on his shoulder and looked to see that it was Professor Pain.  "Uh, sir, the word 'roll' in the form that you used it is spelt 'role.'"  The professor then leapt across the reservoir to where the super heroes couldn't reach him.
       "Oh no, he's gotten away!"  excaimed Captain Obvious.
       "Let's go after him, Captain!"
       "Onward, great superheroes!"  And with that, Captain Obvious leapt across the reservoir.
       Before crossing, Reiteration Boy pushed the lever most of the way up, cutting off a large portion of the excess water.  He then waded across to the other side, once again being reunited with Captain Obvious and Professor Pain.
       By the time Reiteration Boy arrived on the other side, Proffessor Pain had been pinned down by Captain Obvious.  He had finally been brought down, a mighty empire of evilness had been demolished.  Still, Professor Pain was too full of self pride to tell the men what his motives had been.  Reiteration Boy tilted his head slightly to the left, then back away to the right, then angled it down toward Professor Pain's mask.  The mask began to melt away.
       "Boy!  Melt his mask away with your Brilliant Bifocals of B…  .B…  What was the word?” Captain Obvious stumbled on his words as they came from his mouth.
       "Yes, I intend to melt away his mask with my Brilliant Bifocals of Burnination!" exclaimed Reiteration Boy.
       With that, the rest of the Professor's mask melted away.  Professor Pain tried to cover his face with his hands to hide his true identity, but it was of no use, the men had already seen him.
       "Richard Drainage!  I never thought I would see you again.  I thought that my inconsideration of your feelings I displayed when I pulled the head off of your Buzzsaw Billy action figure would keep you away from me forever.  I guess I was wrong.  You weren't kidding when you said you would turn to a life of crime," Captain Obvious responded in disgust.
       "Yes!  And I would have succeeded forever if you hadn't stopped me."
       "That was a statement of the obvious.  How lame." said Captain Obvious
       "You do it all the time, Captain Obvious!"
       "I would never stoop so low.  Hey! You are Richard Drainage!  Richard Drainage is Professor Pain!  I think I’ve solved the mystery!"
       "Yes, yes you did, I thought we had already established that?"
       "Oh!  Why, of course we did!"  Still pondering all the newly acquired knowledge that he had, Captain Obvious asked, "You thought that by killing my dolphin, you would finally feel that you had avenged the beheading of Buzzsaw Billy?"
       "Precisely." said Professor Pain.
       "That's pure evil!"
       "That's kind of the point; I am, after all, a super villain."

- C.K. Natland -

Nobody Is Perfect Until You Fall In Love With Them.

[This message has been edited by CwboyAtHeart (11-16-2003 02:49 AM).]

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

1 posted 2003-11-16 02:14 AM

Cody-
it was amazing. Lol i almost wet myself! Write more!

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

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