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The Big Bang!
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The Big Bang! |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050
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The Big Bang! I’ll never forget when I was around ten years old or so. I know it was around Springtime because it was during Sunnyvale Little League. I was a catcher on the Pirates. One time I tagged out this poor slob running home! (sorry, different story...). Any who, I had recently informed our gang of four, (Brothers: Tom, Ron, Bob and myself) that a friend of a friend of mine, knew another friend of a friend, that could possibly, maybe, hopefully, get us some REAL LIVE, high explosives. Now were talking real, GUN POWDER here! And not just any ordinary garden variety either. No, were talking... Black Cat Firecrackers!!! The most lethal kind of die-no-might that any ten year old could ever possibly hope to acquire! Well, at least back in the late 60’s. OK, so they weren’t exactly sticks of dynamite, more like toothpicks. But if you don’t think they packed a punch, then just ask Mr. Soda Can how he felt when we stuck one inside him and let it off. Ka-Boo-Eee!!! He was now Mr. Cream Soda! Yeah, just think of the explaining he had to do to Mrs. Mountain Dew? Or they’re poor kids, little Nehi Grape and Sister Nehi Orange (she was absolutely Crushed!). They rushed him to Dr. Pepper but it was too late! Mr. Soda’s MUG, was all but gone. But it all turned out OK in the end. Mrs. Dew married Mr. Pibb, and she bore him several little Squirts! (sorry ’bout that, I need to switch back to decaffeinated Coke!). Well any who, back to the story, So we brothers pool our monies together, and off I go on this oh-so-dangerous mission. Was I jittery? Let me put it this way, I could make coffee nervous! I met some seedy looking older feller (12 year old!) behind the backstop of a double header at Washington Park that sunny Saturday afternoon. He went by the name of Harley, yeah, Harley Daniels was his name! He smoked a cigar. Or maybe it was a small snake? No, it was a switchblade. He spoke out of the side of his mouth, and had a tattoo of a skull and crossbones on his right arm. I could see it because he had a pack of camel smokes rolled up in the sleeve of his tattered Josie and The Pussycats T-Shirt? OK... so the smokes were bubble gum and I had the same tattoo on my arm to, that I just gotten out of a piece of gum earlier in the day. But unfortunately, it was hardly noticeable because of the shower I had taken later in the day. Dang showers! He gives me the once over... and says to me, “So kid, I here’s yooz bin lookin for sum F I R E C R A C K - E R S”... reeeaaalll sloooow like dat. And I sez, “yeah, and wuts it to ya baloney breath?” (Did I ever tell you guys about that one Summer I spent in Bologna? Oh, sorry ’bout that!) And he sez, “Oh so your a hard guy eh?” And I sez, “Hey don’t crack wise, four eyes, or else I might has to break yooz off a piece of my knuckle samitch.” “You know, open up a big can of woop woop butt!” (we couldn’t say A$$, back then, can now, WoooHooo!). He looks at me, kinda strange like, and I steer my eyeballs right back at him, both at the same time, if you know what I mean? And he says, “you look like your on the up and up Jake, in fact your aces with me Slim,” “That’ll be 25 large a pack.” And I’m thinking that’s pretty steep (four packs for a buck!) for these parts? But hey, your only young once (dumb can last a lifetime but that’s a whole different story now isn‘t it?). Well I pulled out $3.17 and ended up with a cool baker’s dozen. He threw in the 13th pack for 17 cents. The deal of the century! I crammed them in my pocket and rode my bike home, like a kid possessed... I remember “flying” down this overpass on Mathilda Avenue, when just then, a cop drives past me! The light at the bottom of the overpass was red, so the cop starts to slow down. So I start slowing down too. I’m think to myself I had better double check these “crackers” in my jacket pocket, just to make sure they are “Safe and Sane?” When all of a sudden, I ran over an old shoe, or a cat, (I can’t decide?). And a bunch of the packs started falling out of my pocket. And they we’re now being strewn all over the darn place, with cars running all over them, the wind blowing them around, seagulls picking them up and flying away! (OK, I made up the seagull part!). Now I’m like right next to this Cop, and I’m thinking, Oh crap this is it! I’ll probably get out of Juvy in when I’m 43! (would have been this year!). With good behavior. If I‘m lucky! Well just then, a cop turns on his lights and siren. I figure he wants to halt traffic and quadrant off the perimeter. Call in the bomb squad. Maybe a SWAT team? The FBI? He’s gonna need to seize and defuse this highly explosive and lethal situation. And you know, save the city from destruction! Save it from the carnage! And the pillaging! But no! He takes off down the street. What? He didn’t even notice me and my forty gross of M-80 Plutonium Cherry Bombs!!! Oh Well. Any who, you should have seen me scurrying about, dodging traffic, grabbing all these full packs. And all the loose ones too, blowing around. I looked busier then a three legged cat, burying S#!% on a marble floor! Any who, so I finally get home and I walk into the front living room of our house. Whew! And everyone and his brother was already there. Including my Dad, and his brother, Dale! All of the guys were there to. Brothers, Ron, Bob and Tom. Me, I’m as cool as the Midget Gherkins in our refrigerator. But no, not the Three Stooge's. Oh Grief! you should have seem them! They’re all giving me the “Stink Eye.” You know what I mean? Their eyebrows looked like a bunch of caterpillars on a hot skillet, in the middle of August! They looked like they we’re playing Charades with three blind guys and a mute! They were like a pack of St. Bernard puppies all falling all over each other for the last pork chop of Sunday dinner! Me, I’m trying my best to ignore these retards, ‘cause I’m the one with the goods, you know. I’m the one with the most to lose, as far as getting punished is concerned. So I am the epitome of nonchalance. The Rock Hudson of Gibraltar? (if you will?). Well any who, Our old man is like a Doberman Pinscher when it comes to deceit. He could smell a lie a mile away, with his nose plugged!. He’s like, “Someone had best give me the 4-1-1 on what incarnation is going down here!!” We said, “Carnations, we‘re not aware of any flowers going down, or up for that matter?“ And he said, “NEGATIVE!!! My Dad always liked to say Negative a lot. Which I never thought was a very positive thing to be yelling at a kid. Especially if they weren’t currently serving in the Navy, or any other armed forces? Any who, we were busted! Well to tell you the truth I don’t even remember the details of what happened next? All I do remember is that we had to spill the beans (and the rice!), and our treasured firecrackers... were gone! (gasp!), gone forever. I’m willing to bet that we got lectured on the pitfalls and dangers of messing with such dangerous things. And we probably received just punishments, to be sure. The one thing I do remember that day, ever so clearly. As I’m sure the rest of the family remembers as well. Is my father chasing my mother around their bedroom soon thereafter. Lighting and throwing our precious firecrackers at her, as she screamed in a real funny way, “Ahhh!” “Ahhh!” And my Dad acting and laughing, like a little kid. Who just got a hold of, some firecrackers. Now those, as they say, were the days... [This message has been edited by Richy (05-16-2003 05:18 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Richy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Thanks for a cool laugh, I had fun with this one  Luv, Liz xxx PS I also think it's very clever but I'll leave the critique to those with the know-how.... "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Hi Liz, nice to meet you! Hey thanks much. I was starting to regret posting this one...lol... I thought it maybe it was just too silly... It’s just an old family memory, from my youth... Hey, well at least you liked it, right? lol Thanks again Liz, You really made my day! Heck, maybe I’ll have to post some more of my tired old stories ...lol See what you went and did... lol Take Great Care, Richy |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I have to say, the zero replies drew me to it, cos I was wondering how come it hadn't got any....still wondering.... I loved the bit about the soda cans, and Dr Pepper n all that and the bit about dad being like a doberman pinscher and like the "dang showers"....it was all really random but I think that's what made it work. Well for me anywayz. Hopefully another spell at the top will give it a bit of zizz in the replies section! I think you should post some more like this, I like the style. Ok I'm shutting up and getting outta here now  Laterz, Liz xx "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
The zero replies huh? lol that is so great! Bless you! And still wondering huh??? Liz, maybe your not trying to be funny, but you are cracking me up...lol... It’s that innocent kind of humor...lol Well I’m glad you liked all the quirky little things I used to think about as a young lad...lol Hey, and thanks for the bump... between yours and my replies, people just might give it a read huh? I think they already did, and either fell asleep, or tried to erase it from their memory...lol Hey, you take good care Liz When I get some time later tonight, I’m gonna look up some of your posts, OK? I’ll talk to you soon, Oh yeah... “Laterz” lol Richy |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Doesn't seem to be working somehow...it sinks sans etre lu par les autres... Praps they are a little slow and will wake up evennnnnnntuallllllllllllllly... I still think its good though!  Laterz, Liz "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Ahhh Liz, don’t worry about it, I’m not. Hey you replied. That’s more then enough! Hey, I didn’t comprendo the lingo, “sans etre lu par les autres.” Maybe you could break it on down for me, in inglese... lol Hey Liz, thanks for taking the time to read and reply this silly story. That was very thoughtful of you. Your a good buddy! Take care, all right? Talk soon... “Laterz,” Richy |
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