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AnonomousHippie
Junior Member

since 2003-02-21

Posts 10

0 posted 2003-04-20 01:36 PM

Why I am so tired.  Why am I so tired?  I am so tired, but why?

You.

You harass me in the hallway, when I question why you haven’t said more than five words to me  whenever I attempt to talk to you.  You lie to me at first and say that you are “sick and tired” of everyone, but later I realize that is not true; you are just “sick and tired” of me.  Okay, I don’t understand how you could be sick of me and the “way I am” when you haven’t even spent more than five minutes in the same room with me since January.  But I guess you’re going to tell me, aren’t you?

“You only talk about him all the time.  You never talk about anything else.  I just got sick of hearing about him all of the time,” You proclaim, glaring at me while I sit on the floor in the hallway of the high school we are forced to share.  Right.  If I only talked about him, as you say I do, you would know a lot more about him, like the ****  he says behind your back, the stuff I shutdown.  Besides, he’s forbidden me to say one word about him to you, and I respect him, so why would I go against that?

“You ditch me for him all the time.  Or, at least in the beginning of the year you did.”  What, did you think that from the moment I met you we were automatic best friends or something? Did you think that I would drop all other ties to the real world and spend every waking minute of my life with you, next to you, worrying about you?  I had friends before you, I have friends now and I will continue to have friends, you cannot change that.  Did you think that I was going to drop one of my best friends for someone I had just met, simply because you did not like him?  I had a life before you, you know, or did you think that I was some dormant virus, waiting for the conditions to be right and for you to appear before I came out and spoke more than two words to the world?

I’m the one who ditches you for him all the time?  Like you never ditch me for other people.  Or, do you not remember the first night we hung out, me and you and the guys.  You were supposed to spend the night, but instead you decided you would rather hang out with my boys, smoking and riding around all night and you asked if it was alright and I said yes.  But while I was pretending that it didn’t hurt, it really did because you chose my friends over me.

And really, who do you ditch to hang out with your ninth grade lover all the time? I thought so.  “Well, I can’t hang out with you because I’m getting ready to leave.  Besides, you need to leave so I can make out with my lover.”  Like I said, I’m sorry I’m not a guy and that I won’t make out with you all the time.  Oh, that was uncalled for, was it?  How much have you said that was uncalled for? How many times have you made “sarcastic remarks” towards me that were uncalled for and I let it slide when you simply said “hey, I was being sarcastic.”  You are not the exception to every rule, if you can get away with being sarcastic, so can I.

“You constantly feel the need to compete with me,” You continue and I wonder, where the hell are these accusations coming from? Am I mistaken or were you the one who told me that you had to be in competition with me?  You were the one who told me that because I write, because I draw, you are in competition with me.  You are the one who asked me for the picture on my wall and when I gave it to you, you copied it and hung it on the wall, opposite the one I drew.  You always feel the need to one up me.  And I believe it was you who said that if I ever began to paint, there would be some “serious” competition.

“You degrade me and say derogatory things about me.” Oh really.  Name a time.  I took this comment to mean that I give you crap about whatever is your current “problem” and I apologize if I interpret this wrongly.  If this is what I do all the time, how come I do not remember doing that?  I am the sympathetic listener, the one who sits there while you cry about whatever has gone wrong and comforts you.  Who dropped everything to come to your house, get you out of your bathtub and bandage your bleeding legs?  Who’s willing to drop everything to listen to you and your problems when there are plenty of things that I could be getting done?  Who, whenever they are at your house, hides your razorblades so you cannot cut yourself and waits by the phone for you to call so I can help you?

Right, I said that you are a terrible person to cry to.  And I was telling the truth.  You sure as hell can cry those tears better than you can absorb them when others need a shoulder to cry on.  I won’t lie about that.  You might be happy being fed lies now, but later on you’ll realize that everything they say about you when they tell you the truth that you don’t want to hear is true.  Every word of it.  You think that if you can pretend to be living in the perfect little world where everyone does exactly as you say that maybe things will actually turn out like that.  It doesn’t happen that way.  It never happens that way.

You live in an imaginary little world, smoking, drinking, taking your pills.  In a city filled with stereotypes, you want to be the only one who breaks the mold, but in reality, you’re falling out of one cast and into another.  You try to be the only one to be different, to be the only one who doesn’t fit into any of their categories, thinking you can create your own category.  You think that because you and I are so alike, that I am trying to copy your style and become you?  If you honestly think that, and it’s clear that you do, I should let you in on a little secret.  I will never be like you again.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia