varying attitudes about friendship

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kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2003-02-04 01:27 PM

Nurtured in an environment where I studied, played, gossiped and ate together with my peers almost daily, I guess I never thought much about friendship. The trials of my adolescence revolved around securing the best marks for the next examination, trying to prove my manhood to the bigger boys when I was confused about my sexuality myself and trying to look suitably pleasant so that girls won't condemn me on that first glance. Of course, I did think that friends are important, for they are the ones who stand by you, even (and especially) when your own family fails to offer you moral support. But friendship wasn't a top priority in my life, not when I had other urgent matters to deal with. And certainly not when these friends were a staple in my life and I was under the illusion that friendships won't grow stale.

In addition, those civil and moral lessons must have drilled something in me because I consciously wanted to be a good person, someone that epitomises all praiseworthy qualities of being a good friend. I was a decent conversationalist and a better listener. I attended outings faithfully, regardless of whether I was on close terms with the group of people inviting me. I prided myself on being loyal. I hadn't embraced myself on many fronts but I knew that I would go all out to help a friend in need and that I would be reliable and responsible in helping him all the way.

These days, I think I fully appreciate the importance of friendship. The friends that I grew up with are busily making their marks in their respective fields. And I feel pangs of guilt and shock when I realise that all I now possess of once-flourishing friendships are fading memories of their faces and glaringly pathetic updates on their recent happenings. I suspect that my relationships with my recent circles of aquaintances will come to naught. My financial independence means that the material possessions I once craved for and now own do little to fill the expanding hollowness in my being.

Enlightened that friendship is an indisposable asset, I made a New Year Resolution that I would treat my remaining friends better and that I would not be blind to the violators of Time and Distance and let them snatch them away.

Here comes the tough part. I am now blessed with the knowledge that friendships, especially those built on a common ground, enrich our lives tremendously.

I am also cursed because I find myself unable to invest time and energy in everyone. (note that I use the word "invest" as an accurate reflection of my actions). I have adopted the modern person's mentality. I demand results for the input I devote to a cause. I advocate efficiency, for I feel compelled that time is a scarce commodity and should be channelled to worthwhile resources.

I treasure friendships more than ever. Yet I judge and subject people to a grading system before I am willing to secure their companionship. It would be a pretty tragic thing to deal with but I am finding this morbidly hilarious.

[This message has been edited by kaile (02-05-2003 02:22 AM).]

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

1 posted 2003-02-04 01:48 PM

I don't want to you a disservice but I don't feel like pulling this apart. I got it! I enjoyed it! I liked it! I read it twice and everything still holds true.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

2 posted 2003-02-04 10:13 PM

kaile,

Yup, I do. I like the way you think. And I like the way you write.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

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