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750 mL left in my life
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750 mL left in my life |
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Ethan Halo Senior Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 793on the roof again 
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*we had to write a bit about...well you'll see. this is short, but i wanted to write something. blegh. enjoy* A receptacle of vitality stranded alone in the wasteland between Barstow and Baker. It's an ugly contradiction; rain gone modular to accomodate the stupid and brave that traverse these arid dunes and sandy fissures. There's seven-hundred fifty milliliters left in my life. The sun continues to patiently burn, eagerly waiting for my small alpine spring to run dry. The wind continues to chap my lips, coercing my mouth to dive into the last of the filtered, melted, mountain snow. I ease the sports top open, teeth gripping lightly, lips gently touching the viscous life. It's like the kiss on a first date; lips slightly parted, warm and inviting but unsure of how much to take, hands gripped firmly to prevent the escape of my passion. The bottled clarity reflects back the sun's devlish grin, like a defiant child stealing a cookie while his mother watches him from outside through the window. Both parties seem to know it's only a matter of time. Seven-hundred twenty-five milliliters left in my life... it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown [This message has been edited by Ethan Halo (12-01-2002 03:54 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Ethan Halo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
this is one of those pieces that, when in a larger body of work, makes the author memorable. not to suggest that it isn't well-done here (pardon the pun) but rather that it feels incomplete... like a vignette rather than a whole. well-worded, i liked this. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
I like this a great deal; actually I think it would make a marvelous poem...I am very unfamiliar with guidelines of prose and haven't a clue where one turns into the other. In any case, this is quite descriptive and very enjoyable as is. Thank you, warm regards, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Angel101¢¾! Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48Lost in pain |
Its a very good poem i think u should change it only if thats what u want dont let anyone tell u what 2 do |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...James |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well, Ethan, I'm very glad to see this pop up from the back boards. I missed it the first time around... and I have to agree with Christopher on this, in part. I enjoy vignettes. Being as I grew up in your neck of the woods, I could imagine this scene very easily, and even added in some oak trees with the Spanish moss slowing waving in the wind. Vignettes are supposed to be pictorial in nature...you paint your words to an edge; and in allowing the viewer/reader to see beyond them is the true art... Well done, Sir. |
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