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The Kingdom Beyond the Eye
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The Kingdom Beyond the Eye |
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J. K. Mitchell Member
since 2002-01-12
Posts 311GA |
OK, first off my two favorite things to read are romance novels and sci fi. These themes show up in my stories. Let me know what you think. And please, be honest. & The Kingdom beyond the Eye PROLOUGE: Her mind was clouded in darkness. She had no future; neither did she have a past. She simply existed. She knew not where she came. Her mind held secrets that she didn’t wish to know. It hurt whenever she recalled bits and pieces of her once life. So she stopped trying to remember. She embraced the darkness with open arms. That is, until someone tried to kill her. He followed her wherever she went. There was nowhere she could run; nowhere she could hide. Why would someone want her dead? The answer lay hidden the darkness where she sought refuge. There was no doubt in her mind that she had to uncover her secrets before they brought about her death. She stood alone on a deserted beach. Night had fallen and the moon was high in the sky. She often gazed upon it. The moon was for some reason important to her but she didn’t know why. The breeze flowed through her ebony tresses. She closed her eyes at its soothing caress. The lady bent down and slipped off her sandals. She walked on loving the feel of the sand between her toes. The nightmare had been more vivid that night. The screams of agony still echoed in her ears. Blood, so much blood. So many had been lost. A voice from behind startled her. She paused momentarily. “You are alone.” That single statement went straight to her heart. He had no idea how true that statement was for her. She didn’t reply to the voice. Instead she walked away down the isolated beach. The waves washed over her feet filling the silence that had surrounded her. He followed behind her. Never before had he seen a creature as exquisite. She could be no more than 5’ 1” she stood as if she were six feet tall. Grace could be seen in her every move. The sorrow in her heart was almost tangible yet he still yearned for her. This woman, this stranger had past but no past at all. She called to him and there was no way he could refuse to answer. She knew he was behind her but was puzzled when she turned and saw nothing. She shrugged it off as paranoia. Summer lowered herself to the sand. The dream was already fading. She had to admit she was grateful. She knew she needed to remember but then wails of the dead would haunt her when she was awake. Once more she felt a presence beside her. This time she turned before he could move away. What she saw horrified and enchanted her all at once. She wanted to move away but was frozen to her spot. “What are you?” Her eyes took him in starting from his gold and silver eyes. His form was mainly that of a man with subtle differences. For starters his skin was the midnight blue of the nighttime sky. His nails looked long and sharp enough to draw blood. He wore a long black trench coat, which was unusual on such a warm night. By his side, on the sand, lay a scimitar. She recognized it because she was slightly interested in swords. Summer eyed it nervously thinking he would use it to kill her. “I will not harm you.” He said reassuringly. “Then let me go.” He shook his head. “Then I would only be hurting myself.” He felt her fear but did nothing more the allay it. He reached out and lightly touched her cheek. “You are powerful but untrained as to how to use your power.” Her eyes round with curiosity she asked, “Am I like you?” He smiled then chuckled. “No, my love, you are so much more.” He was calming her but she had no idea how. “Let me go.” She said once more but not as serious as before. “Do you really want that?” She didn’t reply. “You don’t. You want what I can give you. Now you have nothing but I can give you your dreams.” He stood up and held out his hand to her. “The choice is yours.” Summer thought of the life she had been living. Alone, afraid and ignorant. She had sought escape and he was giving her a way out. But at what price? She looked into his gold and silver eyes. There was no danger there but there was an intensity that intrigued her. What was he? The silence between them stretched into eternity. He stood with his hand outstretched. Summer knew one thing. He would be the key to unlock her past. How could she not open the door? “What’s your name?” Summer asked suddenly. “Skesis.” Summer held out her hand to him. He grabbed it and pulled her close. “You have me now Skesis. Let’s see if you live to regret your decision.” He looked down at the woman who stood before him. Courage sparkled in her eyes. “Somehow I doubt I’ll see the day.” |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jacqueline Mitchell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
J.K. This has potential but it seemed to me there were a lot of loose threads that didn't really go anywhere. Now I am not a professional writer but I like a story to grab me from the start, which yours did and I like a character I can empathise with, which yours did initially but you lost me in the fragments. Keep trying because all you need is some structure. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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