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amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

0 posted 2002-03-07 11:32 PM

In gentle repose she lifted the hem of her white garment, while the gentle breeze lifted tendrals of her long, silky, strawberry blond hair.  Beautifully copper polished toenails shone in the morning sunlight, complimenting the slender pointed toes she pointed downwards.  Gracefully, she poised herself upon the shore of the lake, preparing to test the waters of change.

Keeping her balance steady she touched the tip of her big toe into the water and felt the icy chill of spring run-off, a remnant of frozen times, the metaphor for her.  In the distance, along the opposite shore, spruce trees interrupted the sanctity of a newly awakened Aspen grove, while loons crooned a lilting song as they began instructions for their young.

For a moment she closed her eyes and floated to a time, long before.  A time of naked breasts, and hidden scars upon her body, trembling under the weight of screams that would not escape or ever recede.  They were bleak times, times of grey haze, seen only in drooping eyes ringed in smudged dispair.

But, laughter of children behind her, broke her gentle nightmare.  Blond and brown heads bobbed inside the shadow of the trunk lid, anxiously retrieving swimming flippers, goggles and snorkel gear.  A mad dash for the tent soon ensued, to donn bathing suits.

'This is how days should be,' she thought in silence.  There had not been many.  In the cool morning light of forest serenity, the days of therapists, attorneys and 911 calls seemed decades behind.  The aloneness of it all.

Releasing a pregnant sigh, she slid the white skirt to the ground.  In confident stride she penetrated the water up to her waist and then set out for the other shore.

Just believe...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-03-09 08:23 AM

I would like to see you build your thoughts on this...a great start, and much too brief...

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2002-03-09 07:51 PM

This feels like part of a much larger story..it begs for more. Your descriptive passages take us to place and thought in a very smooth way. Enjoyed the read.

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

3 posted 2002-03-11 11:48 PM

I agree. Much more is expected... Or at the very least, hoped for. I really enjoyed it, it was beautifully written, but the use of the word pointed twice in one sentence in the first paragraph threw me off. But I'm just picky. Other than that it was beautiful. I really hope there is more to this.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

4 posted 2002-03-12 01:56 AM

amusemi,
Wow! You know how to leave me hanging...

Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy

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