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Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

0 posted 2002-02-22 07:48 PM

First Impression

     I heard her before she came through the door, her oppressive cough echoing in the hallway. The frail, "thirty something," redhead came in trying to catch her breath and avoid all the stares from the full room of patients in waiting. It was hard to believe so huge a cough could come from someone so small. She looked out of place in the sterile decor of the waiting room. The mauve and teal accents of the upscale doctor's office clashed and then paled as a backdrop to her presence. Her worn, wrinkled clothes and unkempt hair set her apart from the other people who came and went. When she signed in, the girl behind the desk seemed immediately agitated and cold to her. I heard her say something about if the woman had a phone to reach her at, they could have saved her a trip. They argued quietly back and forth and finally the receptionist told her to take and seat and wait. I wondered why she was so obviously rude to this patient, as she had been so friendly to everyone else.

     The woman sat across from me and tried again to catch her breath. It was apparent she was struggling with just existing. We made brief eye contact as she wearily scanned the room. I was taken with how pretty her eyes were, a deep shade of hazel green, adorned with long feathery lashes. She wore no make-up or jewelry. She had a subtle, natural, beauty about her that seemed to be lost on most. They, being put off by her "first impression" appearance. Her hair was a beautiful shade of auburn with sun spiced highlights, her skin was a warm olive.  She was the wildflower that came up in the manicured rose garden, so then labeled a weed. The cell phone chatting, designer label women looked at her then dismissed her. They were too caught up in their "keeping up," to really take notice. She knew I was watching her, but didn't seem to mind, or I think it was perhaps a matter of she'd grown accustomed to the stares of strangers.

     After she sat down and settled in, our eyes met again. She managed a smile, realizing I was looking at her ... not thru her ... seeing her ... not judging her. Everything about her presence was a contradiction of the situation, including her chain smoking as she sat beneath the "smoke free" sign. Her hand trembled as it rose to her lips, keeping a constant rhythm of inhale and exhale. She took in each drag deeper than the last, as if they were life sustaining. It was clear life had been hard on her. I noticed her hands looked much older than she did, and her fingernails were cut (or bitten) down to the quick. She seemed fragile to me, but also had an edge of determination about her. She ignored the chastise about smoking from the rude receptionist behind the frosted glass, then smiled at me in a moment of payback victory when the petite blonde gave up in a display of disgust and slid the receptionist's window shut with a slam.

     Eventually the other patients had been called in, leaving her and I alone in the room. The sudden calm was welcome. Gone were the unruly toddlers trashing the toy shelf, while their mother's who seemed unaware or concerned with their children's behavior, continued gossiping about the usual inane things. I found such sad irony in the parallels I observed. The contrasts of the "haves" and the "have nots." Here she sat with nothing to lose while one woman whined about how stressful it was to take care of a two year old while preparing to go on a cruise. I was grateful they had all left the waiting room. I paged listlessly through a magazine, wishing I had brought a poetry book to read. My doctor was running late, as usual.
Suddenly her raspy voice broke the silence.
     "You want a piece of gum" she asked, while rooting in her worn purse.
     "No thanks" I replied, smiling, "I have some."
She shook her head and laughed.
     "I don't blame ya, I don't think I want any thing from this mess either."
Then she popped a red cough drop in her mouth and continued on, both coughing and smoking.

     We sat in silence as she returned to rummaging through the tattered black leather bag and I feigned reading, while watching her with fascination. All of her movements were so exaggerated and filled with drama, as if she was entertaining herself. I wondered what had brought her to this point in her life, what secrets did she keep? What lessons learned the hard way she could share? The receptionist called her to the window. Her name was Caitlin, as beautifully unique as she was. They were discussing the lack of her insurance when the billing clerk began arguing with her and being very impatient as she explained that Medicaid patients would no longer be seen at that office. I was taken back again at how easily they found it to be rude to her ever since she had come in the door. I wondered also, why they thought is was acceptable to be so rude to her in front of the other patients. They told her to wait and they would get her a referral to another office. She was obviously weak as she walked back to her chair, coughing and wheezing. The encounter seemed to have taken the fight out of her. She suddenly seemed very tired. I felt ashamed for how they were treating her. Just moments before they called me to the window and were polite and courteous as they informed me my doctor had arrived from surgery and I would be taken in soon. I promised myself that when I got inside for my appointment, I was going to tell them and my doctor how unacceptable I found the office staffs behavior towards her. I also decided I wouldn't be coming back here.

     She lit up another cigarette and drew on it till the embered end grew bright orange, then she had another coughing attack. When she caught her breath she looked and me and started laughing.
     "I know I should quit, but then what's the point" she said sarcastically.
     "Talk about your oxy-morons, and besides, it bugs the hell out of them, so ....." her voice trailed off. She laughed again at the inside joke and then grew quiet. I wanted to say something to her, but before I could speak she had another coughing spell. I went to the window and asked if I could have some water for her. They looked at me with a smirk, but humored my request. A tall nurse brought out a paper cup of water and handed it to her. As she drank, the lanky older woman lectured her about quitting smoking. Caitlin looked at me over the rim of the cup smiling sarcastically, in light of what she had just said to me about quitting. The nurse then handed her a slip of paper and explained to her about a Medicaid clinic downtown that would accept her. Caitlin asked her with exasperation how she suggested that she get to the city with no car? The nurse said something about taking the bus, but Caitlin waved her off and began picking up her things to leave.
     "They got rid of almost all the bus routes from out here. Rich people don't ride the buses ya know, and all of you know I walk here to this office."
The nurse just stared at her blankly and shrugged.
     "Can I at least get another inhaler so I can breathe? she pleaded.
The nurse agreed, just to be rid of her. For what ever reason the nurse didn't come back for what seemed a long time. Caitlin fell back into her chair and drew in a heavy sigh, she looked up at the ceiling, then let her head fall back against the wall. Tears were welling in her eyes. I felt so helpless for her. And yes, I got the big picture here, from the time she walked in and their reaction to her. I realize she was a high maintenance patient with a history and with no insurance. But compassion and respect shouldn't be only for those with an insurance card.  I was angry at a system set up to fail her.  She had another coughing spell, then fell back in her chair, in a trembling voice she said,
     "God, this is taking forever."
I tried to think of something useful to say, something, anything to deny the true meaning of her heartbreaking plea.
     "How long does it take to grab an inhaler from the sample's closet?" I offered in a lame attempt of support.
     "No" she said, shaking her head. "I meant dying."
     "Dying is taking forever."
I was at a complete loss as I felt my own tears coming on. The nurse came back out and gave her the inhaler and then told me to come in, my doctor was ready. As I stood up, Caitlin walked past and smiled at me, touching me lightly on my hand.
     "Thank you for the water and the company."
I tried to reply with the words "take care," but they came out in a tear hushed whisper. The nurse stared at me as I watched Caitlin walk out the door.
     "Do you know her? she asked me quizzically.
     "No." I answered, my voice breaking ...
     "But I wont ever forget her."

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (02-23-2002 01:02 PM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2002-02-22 08:07 PM

Wow!  Janet Marie...you had me so caught up in this character..I was in the room with her.  Your detailed "showing" of her, made her a sympathetic character from the start.  The story is one that happens all the time, in doctor's offices and hospitals all over..that in itself is sad.  You gave this such a human touch, at the end with the taking so long line...that I cried with you.

May I suggest that you don't need a few of your explanatory lines...the reader can see by the way you show your character..how things are.  For example:

"When she signed in, the girl behind the desk seemed immediately agitated and cold to her."

You do such a good job of showing the bad attitude of the receptionist, that you don't need to tell us she was cold..we see it.

Wonderful story, my friend!  I am so pleased to see you posting in the forum.  You write with heart and empathy.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2002-02-22 08:41 PM

If you had decided to write something just so you could make me tear up...you did. But the bold font was hard on my eyes...and that, my dear, is my only criticism...

more prose, please...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-02-23 12:55 PM

Martie & Karilea ....Thank you for coming and finding me in this lonely forum LOL
and so fast too

I laughed out loud at Martie's (very good) advice about my over using adjectives....you should have seen all the ones I DID take out ROFL ..
yes.... brevity and too much verbiage/wordage is one of my pens weak spots....
I know I try too hard in conveying my intend. And K..sorry about working those lovely green eyes of yours....we must be at the opposite end of the eye chart...
cuz the lighter print strains mine...near sighted moth?

Thank you both for taking the time to read this...I know it's long, but I felt compelled to share Caitlin's magic and plight with whomever I can. Maybe if enough of us get mad so many like her wont slip thru the cracks. But more so I just wanted to try and capture the intensity of her...she lit up the room in her unique way. I hope I did her justice. I hope to see you girlies name here again soon....I would love to see this forum busier and see more poets trying this form of expression...it really is a wonderful unrestricted way to stretch ones muse and work on other aspects of writing besides poetry.

Thanks

"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men."

MLK

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

4 posted 2002-02-23 01:02 AM

I have experienced this scenario in more ways than I will go into...suffice it to say, that while it was a painful read, it was affective (or is it, effective, I never know). Like I was sitting there, watching it all with you.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

5 posted 2002-02-23 01:39 AM

Janet, I don't have the words tonight....been on both sides of this picture, the one stared at, the one trying to find something comforting to say....you made me cry.....awesome writing Janet....

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2002-02-23 01:43 AM

AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN GONNA TELL ME?

tsk...to you! I thought this wonderful Janet, you held my interest,peaked my curiosity, and made me CARE.

(Isn't this FUN?)

I'll be looking for more from you, I thoroughly enjoyed this, a wonderful surprise and quite a treat!

snowpants
Member Elite

since 2000-09-16

Posts 2061
KS

7 posted 2002-02-23 02:43 AM

'We sat in silence as she returned to rummaging through the tattered black leather bag and I feigned reading, while watching her with fascination. All of her movements were so exaggerated and filled with drama, as if she was entertaining herself. I wondered what had brought her to this point in her life, what secrets did she keep? What lessons learned the hard way she could share?'

"Dying is taking forever."

Hey J...glad you posted it...too excellent of a piece not to share...great write...but, that's not a big surprise...

...love it, girlie...but you already knew that!

k

And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2002-02-23 07:19 AM

Well now I know! No more "golden" responses from me to you...plain blue shall do [but the fairy dust remains!]

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2002-02-23 07:32 AM

This is incredibly good!!! I think you need to write MORE missy!!!!! And maybe become a DM in here?

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

10 posted 2002-02-23 10:36 AM

Indeed, why do those driving older model cars get cited more often? How can the monied demand seats in the fronts of their churches each Sunday? The impoverished in this country are as invisible as we can get them but their ranks swell and the differences between the haves and have nots grows. Your compassion shine through here. Enjoyed

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

11 posted 2002-02-23 10:47 AM

Duncan .... thank you kind poet sir, am always grateful to be in good company *S*
thanks for taking the time to read this . One of these days Im gonna have to try to see if my muse can handle brevity

Susan ... sorry to you and Duncan, and anyone else who has experienced this.
I've been there too (but not to the degree Caitlin was.) I had my son with no insurance in a clinic, and they often treated us like cattle and we were the "learn as you go patients" for the med students. Some times there were 8-10 in the room "observing" You learn humilty real fast. *S* thank you for the high praise and compassion girlie.

KA ... you mean you CANT read my mind by now ... rofl ... I knew youd find me....
after all, youre me twin...youre never far behind

and Ok....I'll write more if you write more!! Cuz you know I love your prose. thanks me girlie

Kris....*looking at the posting time* ahem....too much coffee? LOL
thank you girlie...for stoping in..and for the "fresh pair of eyes" I looked at this till I went blind...thanks for the kind words. Now...think DECAF

Sun...dont you dare take away my golden fairy dust..the blue is the strain...not the sunshine

Poet D .... Thank you so much for you know how I enjoy your prose as well....
and I tell ya what....if i get these taxes done before April 15th or before Uncle Sam repos my life....I might just take you up on that!

thank you all for reading this
my love to poetry land

"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men."

MLK

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

12 posted 2002-02-23 11:09 AM

Richard....you were reading while I was typing...thank you kind poet sir for stoping by. Yes...when a problem becomes so large that it seems unfixable it does seem the masses wish to just look the other way. Those who would like to try and help feel overwhelmed and feel like one voice wont be heard or make a difference.

As a footnote to this....

My complaints that day fell on deaf ears, they tried to defend their behavior with the excuse she was a "problem patient"... I replied back with "but then dying and being poor is a problem, now isn't it?." I got the same condensending smirks as before, so I called a customer service number of my HMO and filed a complaint, if nothing else the staff will know I took it further. Its a money making office for the HMO...so..............
And to be fair....I have worked in a doctors office and have seen the other side of the Medicaid equation. The system in place is a joke of red tape, paperwork, legalities, and the doctors are nearly giving their services away...but yet left open to law suits.
The system makes it to where the often already overworked HMO doctors dont want to deal with the hassels or risk.
A young doctor still paying off student loans cant afford it the losses.
There are no easy answers to this, but my bottom line is...it doesnt cost a dime to be kind and considerate thru a receptionist window.

thanks for listening to my rant

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

13 posted 2002-02-23 12:32 PM

Jm,
You are rare indeed and this story just proves it. The ills of the world seem to be forever and since I am not, it makes for a bad plot. I can only say you delight me Tinkerbell and selfish me just wants a little attention. So I offer you a

and hope it is payment enough.
Winkiewinkie Randy Stinky.

amusemi
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1262
A State of Disarray

14 posted 2002-02-23 12:34 PM

You paint a character in Caitlin that I completely identify with and a social scenario that has changed my life forever.

Having been in similar shoes I have become distant from all and refuse to believe in people because I suspect that the "receptionist" is just lurking inside. Some are able to hide it better. I could love and be best friends with Caitlin, long before I would acknowledge any of the other charaters...I'd be smoking right alongside her.

You have an incredible talent for prose and I look forward to reading more.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

15 posted 2002-02-23 03:37 PM

Sy-babes....Im not rare...Im long winded *L* and there is plenty of me to go around so dont worry LOL ...but I will take a Randy smooch where and when ever I can get one...

thank you for coming by and reading this...
and I'd (we all would) LOVE to see you write us a prose..how about your life story *wink*
(hint hint--nudge nudge)

amusemi ... you humble me with such a kind reply and an honest sharing...Im sorry youve been hurt to the point of not trusting....but I understand....and hey? if I smoked...I'd join ya both

thank you for such a wonderful compliment....
I would love to see more here try this and see this forum come alive...I think sometimes we poets get too used to reading short poems in the forums and our attention spans need tweeking *S* and I think the too busy open leaves us little time to read and write on a more in depth scale. Im in the middle of tax season here...but am hoping when Im done to read more in this forum and see what treasures on back pages have been missed....and see what I can learn from them.

thank you all
jm

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (02-23-2002 03:39 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

16 posted 2002-03-03 11:35 AM

I dont know if anyone will come back and see this but I wanted to share a follow up...
Two things...first, at the suggestion of a very wise friend, I printed this out and left it at this office, in the hopes of them seeing Caitlin thru my eyes, that they might not be this way with anyone else.
Second, I saw Caitlin walking the other day, right by this office, I turned around and went back to offer her a ride, she declined it and my lunch invitation, but we did sit in my van and chat for a while. Shes very proud, and strong. But she said she found a office there in the area to take her.
Maybe next time she will let me give her a ride, or go to lunch.
thanks again,
jm

rosepetals25

Member Elite

since 2000-05-31

Posts 3076
PA

17 posted 2002-03-03 11:59 PM

Janet,

    You have to write more prose Miss Janet! Have you written others?  I would like to read them if I missed them...
    I'm glad you took this to the doctor's office.  I hope it makes a difference, or at least makes them think a moment.
    When I was little, manyyyyyy years ago lol, my mother was on welfare.  We had no other choice.  I remember the cold looks my mother, my sister, and I would get.  As if we wanted to be in the place we were.  People don't take the time, have the care and compassion in their heart that they should.  They would be amazed at one smile will do.
    Ok, I'm done going on and on... *chuckles* I really like this. I hope to see much more from you

Hugs,
Tara

"My heart is like an open book, for the whole world to read"
- Motley Crue, Home Sweet Home

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

18 posted 2002-03-04 06:03 AM

This is very powerful. Your descriptions were wonderful, as were your statements about these elaborate social/governmental systems in which we live. A great write.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

19 posted 2002-03-04 01:04 PM

Tara and fractal007, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I appreciate the feedback. Yes, we see these kinds of things all too often...I just saw a family paying for their groceries with foodstamps and the person in line behind them was being very rude. I just dont understand. He had more money invested in his clothes than they were spending to feed three kids.
Funny how "we" can spend billions of tax dollars building football stadiums but the budget cant ever be found to increase charity.
Tara, I have a couple early attempts at prose from about a year ago and one that Brian Madden and I did together. Thank you so much for your interest. If youve not tried it, I hope you will sometime. Its a great way to open up ones pen to new expressions.
thank you again
jm

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

20 posted 2002-03-06 12:16 PM

Miss JM,
You make me proud! I like that you took action. I'm not sure I could be so patient or so kind. But I know injustice when I see it and don't do well being silent.

What an awesome telling of a sad story.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

21 posted 2002-03-06 09:31 AM

Larry...thank you for coming by and reading this...yes, its sad but I wanted to share Caitlins inner magic and wisdom. Even as sick and sad as she was there was a spark about her. I wont ever forget the way she smiled at me over the rim of cup, the way she laughed digging in her messy purse or the way she leaned her head back against that wall and spoke those words.
TY poet sir.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

22 posted 2002-03-06 02:32 PM

JM this was awesome and of course on one of my favorite topics as you know. Can you send me the rest of your stories to read? I promise not to publish them

No hurry.

~* Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people ." *~

Einstein

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

23 posted 2002-03-06 09:32 PM

Sharon....thank you for reading this, yes I know its an important issue for you too

thank you for your interest in my previous work. I sent you an email

you spoil me *L* TY

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

24 posted 2002-04-27 06:51 AM

I dont know if anyone will get to see this update, but I wanted to share...
I saw Caitlin again yesterday...walking in the same part of town, she was carrying grocery bags. When she saw me pull up along side of her, she started smiling and shaking her head. THIS time she let me give her a ride!

She's thinner than when I saw her last, and the cough is constant...but her attittude and resolve are strong and enlightening. She told me she had found an agency that provides her with shuttle bus service to a the hospital and doctors and had also put her in touch with other agencies and charities to help her.
She also told me there has been a couple occasions where she went back to the doctors office mentioned in my prose, and they gave her the inhaler sample with out attitude.

I invited her to lunch but she declined, she said she had a doctors appt and needed to get home and get ready. Maybe next time.

my love to poetry land.
jm

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

25 posted 2002-04-27 07:36 AM

She accepted the ride this time...so "maybe next time" she will accept the luncheon. When we are abused in the way and form she has been, we become like a shy dog, and don't know exactly whether or not to trust the one good hand that has been extended...

you keep watching for her. Who knows. Miracles happen every day....

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

26 posted 2002-04-27 08:53 AM

Thank you K .... her letting me give her a ride was a "little victory" ... and she joked and was comforatble with me. Each time will be progress...I am just ever aware how fragile time is for her.....

As to those miracles...
yes... I know...

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

27 posted 2002-04-27 12:00 PM

Thanks for the update, JM. AHHH...an angel disquised as a moth, how clever!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

28 posted 2002-04-27 08:35 PM

Dunc...Im no angel...but thank you for coming back and checking on Caitlin...
ahhhh a sweet friend disquised as a porchpuppy.

... and I don't know why ...
Why should love come down and just sweep me away
I want to fly ... but there are so many things in my way.

J Browne

J. K. Mitchell
Member

since 2002-01-12

Posts 311
GA

29 posted 2002-04-27 08:42 PM

You know, I see things like that happy every day in the medical field. It's makes me so sad and so angry to see the way people get treated.

The woman was sick, you'd think she'd get a little sympathy from 'health care providers' but such isn't the case today.

I like your piece it shows sympathy and compassion. Good job!

"The only love there is, is the love we make."--Prince

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

30 posted 2002-04-28 12:52 PM

Thank you for reading JK and yes I agree, the system is failing the patients who need it the most. HMO's were supposed to make healthcare equal for all, but profit comes first.

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

31 posted 2002-11-08 01:37 PM

Well you did it, you brought the mist of tears to my eyes, the first time this has happened since I arrived at Passions,
What can I say to this.. firstly your prose writing has grown, your descriptions are so vivid, this is a strong written piece.

Now more importantly on a human level this is powerful, really powerful. This touches deep deep down.. You painted a very touching and poignant picture of this woman…. Reading this really puts how precious life and health are in perspective.
Thank you I needed that reminder, this will stay with me for quite a while. Thank you for sharing this.

I used to make phantoms I could later chase images of all that could be desired then I got tired of counting all of these blessings"h.devoto magazine

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

32 posted 2002-11-08 10:15 PM

thank you Bri-babers...I am pleased you saw this one, I havent seen her walking in quite a while now...I used to drive that way on purpose hoping to maybe be able to talk her into that lunch. The last time I saw her she mentioned she was considering moving to a center downtown that she had heard about, where she would have more resources available to her. I gave her my phone number but I know she wont ever use it..she was just too proud and strong willed. That was part of her charm.
So glad you got to meet her

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

33 posted 2002-11-10 11:26 PM

First Impression...no kidding how ironic seriously this is the first prose I read in this forum and yes it made a huge first impression and so real and vivid..I hope my comment doesn't lack sincerity but it gave me goosebumps and even makes me want to cry..I could feel your words...I did enjoy..I'm in awe..

Kristen

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

34 posted 2002-11-11 11:58 AM

I am glad someone brought this back into focus.
Much compassion and tenderness, dear JM. But no surprises here, as we all know you are a golden winged moth.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

35 posted 2002-11-11 02:55 PM

the peice was touching. the fact that it is a true story adds so much weight to it. and not matter how you deny, though you may not realize it, you are an angel, at least to caitlin i am sure.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

36 posted 2002-11-11 04:34 PM

Ceinwyn ... thank you very very much, trust me your reply was indeed received as sincere and was heart felt...thank you for allowing my words of Caitlin to touch you in this way. TY so much

Kacy...ahhh girlie..ya see me so much better than I am...thank you for all your enouragement and kindness.

Thanks for stopping in to meet Caitlin.

majnu ... Thank you for your generous reply and kind words...I think perhaps its Caitlin that is the angel... from the moment she walked in the room, there was something so magic about her. Thank you again for the email on this as well.

thanks again to all for these wonderful replies.
jm

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (11-11-2002 04:34 PM).]

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

37 posted 2002-11-11 05:56 PM

Very moving story. It's sad to say that there are a lot of people in her situation. You captured the heart of the story very well, and kept my attention to the end.

Deb

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

38 posted 2002-11-11 06:01 PM

I see your last update on her was last April. First I want to say I am so glad there are still people like you left in the world with such a big heart. I know God is smiling down on you.
I wonder how she is doing now?

Deb

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

39 posted 2002-11-15 03:55 PM

The write was wonderfull... brought tears to my eyes also...
The update was even better.....

her presence in your world has given you much... : )

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

40 posted 2002-11-15 09:52 PM

Deb....first of all, forgive me not replying to this...I've been fighting a flu bug all week and missed this in my absence.....thank you so much for you generous reply...and kind words...I believe she has moved to the place I mentioned in my replies, as I no longer see her walking. Thanks for coming by and meeting Caitlin

Connie.... thank you too for allowing me to share her with you...good to see your name back in the forums....

and you are so right...even though she had so much less...she gave me so much more ... thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm still playing catch up in here.

thank you all!!
thank you Caitlin....god bless you!!

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (11-15-2002 09:53 PM).]

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

41 posted 2002-11-17 09:55 AM

If I could say everything I wanted to in this paragraph, it would be longer than your prose. What really hit me was "Dying is taking forever" So powerfull.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

42 posted 2002-11-17 06:35 PM

Wind...your insightful words are more than enough...thank you for your encouragement...
you felt the heart of the piece.

thank you so much for reading and meeting Caitlin.
jm

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

43 posted 2002-12-11 10:55 AM

It looks like everyone and their sister replied to this already, but I'm going to add my two cents anyway.

quote:
"God, this is taking forever."
I tried to think of something useful to say, something, anything to deny the true meaning of her heartbreaking plea.
     "How long does it take to grab an inhaler from the sample's closet?" I offered in a lame attempt of support.
     "No" she said, shaking her head. "I meant dying."
     "Dying is taking forever."

I thought that this was amazing...

As a typically high maintenance patient either mentally or physically (usually mentally), I could feel her.. people begin to abandon you. People look at you different. (When you challenge them?)

Thanks for posting this.

Life is where you look for it.

[This message has been edited by Jaime (12-11-2002 11:01 AM).]

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

44 posted 2002-12-11 11:04 AM

Forgot to add to my lil' list.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

45 posted 2002-12-11 06:44 PM

You're a born writer.

Yawowhabaza....

Um...

Good.adsf

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

46 posted 2002-12-11 09:58 PM

Jamie ... thank you for coming by and meeting Caitin and for your kind reply. I'm sorry you can relate to her frustration...I can only hope others hearing of her plight will help generate compassion. thank you so much for sharing some of you with us as well.

Mikey... right back at ya groovy guy..thank ya my fave squirrel poet...Im so pleased you met Caitlin.

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

47 posted 2002-12-11 10:24 PM

Um. I am very glad this was bumped back up, because it appears that though I read it several times and loved it every one, I didn't reply. This actually reminds me of a play I read recently, called Hall Of Healing. I loved this, very much.

Kielo

I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

48 posted 2004-06-15 06:04 AM

you need to do this MORE, m'friend...

love you.

Jeffrey Carter

Member Elite

since 2000-04-08

Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!

49 posted 2004-06-16 10:52 PM

Thanks for bumping this back up Karen. I missed it the first two times around.

JM, This is absolutely breath-taking! The fact that it is a true story and you took action says TONS about you as a person. I applaud you! There should be more souls like you in this crazy world we live in. Thank you for sharing this and, Please, give us an update soon.

Later
Born Writer Gator

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

50 posted 2004-06-17 08:52 AM

Thank you Keilo, Im glad you got to meet Caitlin.

Sen, I keep telling me moody muse the same thing.

Thank you for the b-day bump.

Jeff-gator.. thank you for such a sweet reply...I dont have much of an update, I havent seen Caitlin since after the last time I posted about her. I drive that area often and have not seen her walking. Either the agency got her a car, or her health worsened to the point that she had to move somewhere to have assisted care. She told me she knew that would eventually happen.
Every time I drive there I think of her, she left such an impression on my heart..I'll never forget that contrary smile of hers in the office that day when she knew she had gotten her "payback" on those rude nurses..or the way she rooted thru her purse, smoked those cigs, and how she touched my hand (and heart) as she left that day. All this time later and I still cant re-read this piece and not cry.

Heres to Caitlin...I hope she knows how much she gave me, and I hope shes out there somewhere giving them all kinds of hell.

People come & go in our lives but the memories & poetry remain...
Of lessons learned, things held in respect, among them is engraved your name.

jm

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

51 posted 2004-06-24 01:15 PM

hi Janet,

actually read this a long time ago when you first posted it but somehow, never got down to replying.

I was haunted by Caitlin's remark, "Dying takes forever". and thanks to you, i didn't forget her either. as in, i think i have tried to accumulated as many life experiences as possible because it finally got to me that life itself isn't something to be taken for granted

thanks and hugs

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

52 posted 2004-06-24 11:04 PM

kaile .... hey you...welcome back to poetry land... thank you so much for allowing Caitlin to impact you in such a positive way... it gives meaning and reason for her plight. Thanks for stopping by.

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

53 posted 2004-06-26 07:49 PM

Janet Marie,

I enjoyed this compelling write and am glad to hear about the steps you took in defense of her treatment. Illness, povery, lack of respect could happen to anyone if the right circumstances came about... Very affective writing.
miscellanea

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

54 posted 2004-06-27 12:20 PM

I don't know why exactly but I had to come and read this again tonight. I was sitting thinking about my Mother, who could have been Caitlin you know that? She could have been but I paid her way and looked after her until she died, even though we had never gotten along my entire life. Some people lose everything, absolutely everthing, and if not for compassion and humanitarism in some small number of individuals, those that have no voice could never be heard.

You gave Caitlin and every other person just like Caitlin a little more chance by writing this story for perhaps a handful of people that will remember to make a difference in just one person's life. I am glad she got shuttle service, I was going to suggest that

good for her! If you see her again, you tell her for me to give 'em hell on her way so they remember her!

This was all too real - too real.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

55 posted 2004-06-28 08:28 AM

miscellanea ... thank you so much for stopping by... Welcome to poetry land...nice to meet you...I look forward to reading your work.

Sharon...

(thank you)

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

56 posted 2005-08-19 05:22 AM

Janet Marie, You are incredible. I wanted this to go on and on. I also loved that you came to give updates. I have been to places over the years and have seen this type of treatment, so freely handed out, that I too walked out in tears. Once to a heavey woman in a dress shop, the sales woman said, "we don't carry your size, you will have to go somewhere else". And just walked away, eyes rolling", how cold and uncaring.
Thank you for being JANET MARIE, martyjo

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