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aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2001-12-30 09:54 PM

hi, I'm new to here, so bear with me, if my story seems to be juvenile. I was trying to use flashback. The storyline you probably have heard over over again though.

Scent of Her Cup

A rose petal danced along the wind, touching the smooth face of the tea. I stirred the tea as I watched the petal slowly moved toward the centre of joy of the past.

I was a scholar; she was my peer- her name is Jane. The last time I saw her was in autumn, when a leave sllghtly touched her face. I was overjoyed seeing her for I had just passed the examination for my doctor liscence. Something about her face told me that she did not share my happiness.

"What's the matter, Jane?" I asked.

She said she would go to Flordia and would never come back.

"Why?" I asked.

She let a tear drop and told me her grandmother was involved in an accident and was in a coma. The doctor said it could last forever and Jane was going to look after her.

"How tragic it was!" I said.

"I have to go," she said as she shook her hand away from mine.

Our first date was in an evening of autumn. We were just chatting and drinking soda pop at a cafe. She loved poetry and shown me some of her work; I liked history and told about myths and legends of the world. When the silence came in, we totally felt comfortable with each other.

Our first kiss was under autumn moon. We watched a video at my place and when we enjoyed our moonlight at the sunroom, I bent my face slightly against her mouth.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be..." muttered I.

"It's okay..." she blushed and took a step back from me.

"No really. I didn't mean to be rude or disrespectful," I paused. "Actually, I wanted to tell you a long time ago. Would you be my girlfriend? I've admired you for some time."

That's how we became a couple.

The first dance we went together was in autumn Halloween. We both had dressed up: she was a tiger; I was a garfield. She walked in the room holding her tail, slowly moved to my crowd. She greeted me with her paws and I returned by sticking out my tongue. We danced the first and the last dance and before she left for home, she gave me a good-bye kiss.

The first time I talked to her was under an autumn tree. I was passing through a path in the university garden, when she tapped my shoulder on my back and said hi. She was lost in the garden and informed me she was new to the school. I recognized her at once and gave her a tour. At the end before we aparted, we exchanged our numbers.

The first time we met was in autumn breeze. It was windy out as I walked to the library. As the door opened, I got a glimpse of a girl carring books out of the library looking my way. Her eyes were so beautiful that I paused my walk for a moment. The meeting was brief and I wondered whether we would met again.

We did meet again and developed a memorable past. As I sat on the table, I drank my tea smellng her perfume being passed by here today.

~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.
~Just when I thought it is too far away, opportunity knocks the door

[This message has been edited by aries_luv_ppl (12-30-2001 09:58 PM).]

merlynh
Member

since 1999-09-26

Posts 411
deer park, wa

1 posted 2002-01-01 01:37 PM

Take it from an old writer. You have a gift for writing. Never give it up.

jenni
Member

since 1999-09-11

Posts 478
Washington D.C.

2 posted 2002-01-04 02:36 AM

eliza--

i really enjoyed this, i think you've done an excellent job here, it isn't juvenile at all, really. you handled the inversion of the time line very well, and the story overall had a very touching, tender quality.

well done! thanks for a good read,

jenni

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2002-01-05 01:55 AM

Eliza, what a delightfully fragrant cup of tea you have shared! I enjoyed it very much. I hope you continue to write, and to work on the flow of the words in English. Your natural story telling talent shines through in this.

poetry_kills
Senior Member

since 1999-12-04

Posts 549
new orleans

4 posted 2002-01-22 05:01 PM

dear aries,

excellent work... a few words were incorrectly spelled, but the writing itself was wonderful and tinged with a slight poetic edge... keep up the good writing and i hope to read more of your work in the future here...

sincerely,
jerome

Do not be deaf to me, for if you are silent I shall go down to the pit like the rest. (Psalm 28)

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