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The ROK (Part 1)
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The ROK (Part 1) |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx 
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Some say it's a prison, others say it's an automatic divorce, as for me, it was a doorway into my soul. Almost a year ago, I walked onto the plane from SEA-TAC to Osan. Looking around at faces full of fear and resignation, eyes empty of joy, you begin to doubt your dreams and hopes. Aspirations and loved ones left behend seem to fade away. It's about the closest feeling to death you can get and not be in the casket. Perhaps the worst part about the plane trip was the length. 18 hours of fear, doubt, and resignation playing over like a skipping CD with the button just beyond your finger tip. No matter how much you want to move on and see the light at the end, it's always beyond your reach. Of course the full weight doesn't hit you until the plane lands. There you are in a strange place surrounded by people who can't speak English when you don't know anything but. The culture shock hits you so hard you can lose your mind. Some people become violent, others sexually driven. Still others become swallowed in work, spending hour after hour pounding away at the never ending pile that comes accross their sector of operations. As for me, my experience in the ROK was something of a tunnel. One day at a time never looking farther than the inch before my face. I lived and breathed my year on the chain. Working another mans hours, doing another man's chores, breathing another mans air, all because the concept of my reality was something I never wanted to face. Rather than face the demons of my past, I've spent the past three years hiding from them. Living in a world where no one came close to me simply because I didn't want to feel pain. So there I was, climbing down that stairway from the airplane. Traveling from one sort of tunnel to another, with the tiniest thread of hope remaining to keep what little dreams I had alive. With thoughts of what was, what will be and what is flying through my head, voices and people seemed to float through the fog shrouding my mind. Customs seemed like a puff of air, over and done with before I even realized it was there. As I boarded the bus I noticed just where I was. Inching down that highway staring out the left hand side to the farms all around me, I was on an isle, where I was alone and devoid of life. No life, no love, no emotions to feed on, just a blank form where there should be something. I had been erased by my own hands. It was at that moment I started smoking again. Call it a form of suicide in the shape of 7 seconds at a time. After all, the best way to kill someone is a little bit at a time right? I mean they never know it's comming until it happens and by then they can't stop it. I ended up averaging about half a pack a day for the majority of the time I was in Korea. But I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's turn back. Some people were laughing when we finally pulled in to the post and snapped me out of my silent revire. Out I stepped into the heart of Seoul, a sprawling metropolis that pulsatedlike a star in the night sky. Constant in it's glow and always growing and changing what it is. Yet the whole city was like a tiger crouched in the forest, unsure as to whether it was the predator or the prey. In no time I was working like nothing else was worth doing. Taking over for some one who'd a nervous breakdown two weeks before was a difficult challenge because somethings were done and somethings weren't. The only way to find out was to make the mistake and find out about it later on. So I began to work days that lasted somewhere between 12 and 15 hours long doing nothing but answering phones and typing orders. Days went by and melted into each other like a river flows into the sea. You know each one is seperate and different, but at some point, you can't identify which is which. It's this in-between state that I dwelled in for the first three months. About mid-August we had a field exercise out behind our buildings. There we were, a bunch of desk jockeys and paper pushers trying to play soldier and put up a tent. I don't think I've ever seen so many people fail to do something so easy in my life. It took us four hours to put up a simple 20 man tent. All that time we were standing around in the rain trying to make it look like we knew what we were doing. At the end of the day we'd adjourn to "The Hill", named after a hill in the Itaewon district of Seoul that had over a dozen bars on each side of the street on it. A few days after that, on the 20th to be exact, I met her. She's not your normal female. She's got spunk. Yet you can tell she's still feminine underneath. With a smile that brings both joy and laughter, she was infectuous to me and opened up my world like a sliding door. It burned to be around her and seared to be away, because I knew she would never be mine. So I choose that rather than let her drift away and lose all emotions again, I'd be her friend. Better to be her friend than to make her be a memmory. I then returned to the tunnel I had dug and hid from who I was and what I could be. By the time Thanksgiving came around I had become a zombie, half dead and without any emotions. I walked through the days never noticing what was going on around me and those 12 to 15 hour days grew to be 18 and 20. Yet I never had energy to breathe. There I was with so much to give and so much to receive and yet I was too tired to even attempt to reach. Shortly after that, my grandfather had a heart attack at the hospital. Once more I was plunged into a world I hated being forged in. I felt trapped in a sea as the storm raged around me tossing and turning and smashing into me. And the pressures were almost too much to bare. I'd been drunk before, but that was the first time I'd gone out and bought a large amount of liquer for my personnal use. As I curled up with that bottle of Jim Beam and Tequila, I gave up on all that I had done and will do while here on the ROK. Nothing made sense to me and all the achievements became like dust in the wind. I had been broken on the ROK. TO BE CONTINUED...... People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. --Soren Kierkegaard |
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| © Copyright 2001 James Webster - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ok...I love the story..and the concept. You've got a few misspelled words though - and I'm confused about the 'her'..I think that needs to be fleshed out a bit..is it a girl? And why can't she be more than a friend? And I do await the next chapter.... |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
 Des, This is beyond my feeble attempts at words. To say I was captivated is a serious understatement. This is the kind of reading that makes me want to come back for more and more. You put me there..in the whole thing, and I can feel and see. Trust me when I say I look forward to the continuation. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
James... You've certainly spent your year over there for a reason... You've learned much... You've matured greatly... You've metamorphosed from boy to man. It's a time in your life that you'll never forget... an experience only for some... Keep writing this, my friend... It's a wonderful accounting of your time away from home...  |
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Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
So I was thinking about bringing out the double barreled shotgun. But then I noticed that for the most part, the guns aren't needed to critique this beaut. I'm curious about the girl, too. Why don't you think you're good enough for her? I certainly know better, and I'm an expert on the subject. You'd better put out part two sometime soon, or I might have to come over there and, ehem, beat it out of you. HEHE You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. -- Navajo Proverb |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was awesome! I love the way your writing flows. I must admit, this kind of subject matter is usually boring to me, but the way you described things and your descriptions placed me right inside of this experience. I think you're well on your way to becoming one dang good writer! "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
I like this..I also like the way you introduced "her" keeps an air of mystery to who she is and where you are going with her. Looking forward to reading more of your"world"..on the ROK... |
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monique Member
since 2000-02-03
Posts 369Louisiana |
i am all eyes waiting for the next chapter sorry you had to go through all the zombinest moniqie |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Dude, I'm on the edge of my seat! This is good stuff! I can't believe I didn't see it till now. I want to know more! I want to know more about your life there, how you feel what you think, I'm eatin it up. And what about "her" tell me more! Come on come on, get crackin lol. Who needs to work, right?  Wonderful."Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone |
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
thanks for the comments every one. I appreciate it. looks like I do have something to finish. hehehe People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. --Soren Kierkegaard |
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