Aileen's Smile - Warning!: Don't read while listening to sappy, sad music...:o)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

0 posted 2001-03-25 11:10 PM

Aileen’s Smile
©2001 Christopher Ward

My first thought of course, is of Aileen: her flame-red hair, wind-whipped and shining like a radiant beacon. Light limbed, she always reminds me of the stereotypical sprite one reads of in fairy tales. She floats through my mind like an angel of mercy beckoning me to taste eternity. I picture her smile, then recollect the look of consternation she has whenever upset.

I’m fairly confident she’ll be more than upset this time.

An acrid wash of smoke spreads across the ground, lifting small arms of darkness like the muscular tendrils of a predatory octopus. They search around, flitting from person to person, in constant motion. It seems obvious to me that the spiraled smoke is evil, but no one else appears to notice. Standing here amidst the silent chaos, I feel the sun being erased by an insidious blot of depression.

Amazingly, it seems only attached to me. I can still see bright patches of radiance blotching the others’ faces with leprous delight. Granted, the people seem indifferent or unaware of its warmth, but being outside its influence, I am all too conscious of the lack.

I attempt to shake my head, but nothing is changed. I still stare at this surrealistic vision of a nightmare, borne from the depths of dark imaginations. The smoke waves at me with a sinister, mocking laughter, which no one else can hear.

But I do; I hear. I listen, listen to it shriek derisive mirth at my discomfort, watch as it flits around my ankles and slides behind my head where I cannot see it. But it never touches me – I am in a canyon of impenetrable solidarity from which I am sure no steps can carry me away. Despite this instinctual conclusion, I try, only to be proven right. I am incapable of movement. My legs are locked, my arms immobile… I cannot even feel the rise and fall of my chest, nor hear the beat of my rapid pulse ringing my eardrums.

Aileen!

I see her in my thoughts, smiling again. Always smiling. That is how she captured my heart. A smile from her and I would do anything. I think of her this morning, her tender lips against my cheek, waking me to the splendor of beautiful light. Light that caressed through the window of our room and lightly kissed our naked bodies with a welcome of warmth.

Her lips, the glint of happiness in her eyes, and yes, her smile. Aileen always smiles, but this morning it beamed more precious than most. Last night was magical. Aileen was magical. She held her breath as I asked her to marry me. And her smile, drifting across the distance of a question through crystalline tears, told me ‘yes’ before she even opened her lips to speak the word.

I try to speak now, to ask someone nearby of my Aileen. But my lips too are frozen. I am still, and it unnerves me. Internally, I wail and resist, but… nothing. I can do naught but watch the evil fog-like smoke as it taunts the auras of the people nearby.

The people.

There are many now, where at first there were few. They huddle together in small or large bands facing away from me, though occasionally various few look back in brief glances filled with dark anticipations. Some, wearing light clothing, group together with those wearing dark clothing. I can’t tell what the colors are, because of the mist, but my intuition tells me blue, a dark, dark blue.

I miss ‘blue’ already. Where did it go? Is it still there, only veiled by the haze? Or is it gone? Has the evil drained it away, leaving only shadows and disappointment?

Blue – I can still see it in my mind; in Aileen’s eyes. Glistening with a grin, her eyes consume me with caring and desire, and warmth similar to that of the sun’s light. Almost ocean one day… the next, a stormy sky. Each time, her smile blazes through with the clarity of love. I adore her eyes. I always smile in return when she graces me with her stare. And feel a smile now as I think of the passion they burned with last night, this morning, and even in the car a few moments ago as we were driving to her parents’ house to tell them of our engagement.

Unsteady laughter rises in my gut, recalling our conversation while driving. We both knew that it would come as little surprise to anyone we knew. From the moment I laid my eyes on Aileen’s smile, I knew. Yes, I knew.

But now, things are different.

Where is Aileen? She was with me a moment ago, blessing me with the beauty of her smile and the tenderness of her hand against my arm. The wind was whispering in our hair and the day shining through the sunroof. Four wheels on the road, yet our hearts flew with anticipation. Nothing could have broken that perfect spell, it was our destiny.

So where is she?

I try to look around. This time I use my eyes, my vision, instead of trying to move. And it works. With pictures of happiness in my head, and the urgency to return to that life, I don’t immediately realize what it is I see.

But as my search lays to rest on the blankets bunched side-by-side on the road, truth impales me with the force of finality. Two in number, the mounds peak slightly above the surface of the road. Unmoving, they scream out pain, loss, unfinished fear, and the denial of dreams.

It is the hair, painted bright red against a backdrop of black and white, that tells me the truth. The luster is gone now: the color that of carbonized blood. And blood, etching anger across the asphalt, trickles in glistening vines from beneath the bundles. A hand, ringed, reaches out toward the other as if death cannot stay her touch.

The other: myself, I assume.

But I don’t care, it is Aileen’s hand that grasps my stomach and clenches sobs inside my unmoving chest. It is the hand - small and pale - adorned with the single ring that tells me Aileen is not with the onlookers, but rather one of the subjects of morbid curiosity. The ring is simple, really, since I can’t afford much. But Aileen understands. Aileen understands everything. It is her smile that tells me this, proves it in a way no amount of words ever could. It is her smile that makes my life, makes me happy. Makes me smile.

No words escape my lips as I beg Aileen to smile for me.

Please Aileen, just one more smile.

I've edited the story somewhat - whether for the better or worse is up to you to decide!

[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 04-04-2001).]

Dusk Treader

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-06-18

Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN

1 posted 2001-03-25 11:33 PM

Definetly not what I was expecting from the title. Great piece though, loved the man's memories of her smile... I can relate to that... The smoke was interesting, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on.. I thought he was in his body, but he was discorporate. Really enjoyed this one Chris! Abe wants more!

"And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind - is, in the end, Hell" - C.S. Lewis

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 2001-03-25 11:40 PM

I am sitting here, trying to figure out what to say.

Chris, if you do not send this to a magazine, I'll be VERY upset. You made me smile..and cry....and the tears were not just for the story, but for the way in which you wrote it...you amaze me.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-03-26 05:07 AM

I loved the slow descriptions--loving details written lovingly. On a re-read it seemed to me you knew exactly where you were going, but clever author you, you let the reader walk through and DISCOVER. This is what I strive for in my prose. Not "telling" the story, but painting it. Nice use of foreshadow without giving too much away.

Oh. Am I "gushing" too much? Thought not.

The phrasing is gorgeous.

Will be sending applause in the next package!

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

4 posted 2001-03-26 12:53 PM

My, but you are good with surprises - aren't you? I like how distracting this was, I honestly didn't see it coming until just before you actually spelled it out. Totally didn't expect an ending like that when I read the title.

Thanks for ruining my day - I had makeup on this morning.

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

5 posted 2001-03-27 06:01 PM

Chris... forgive me if this reply isn't perfect, I'm, like, hysterical right now. This just totally broke my heart. The last time I cried this hard over a story was when I read "Romeo and Juliet" for the first time. Yes, I compare this to that masterpiece, for this is a masterpiece as well. Like Sharon said, please share it with others. I know that it would be published.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

6 posted 2001-03-27 06:04 PM

Just adding to the library!

SpitFire
Member Elite

since 2000-04-19

Posts 2396

7 posted 2001-03-28 01:19 AM

~C,...I'm glad to have had the opportunity to read this. I am. But what the heck are you trying to do? Ok so,...I read it once yesterday, then again today, and still can't seem to tell you just what it does to me. You and your talent just walked allll over my poor little heart. What a write! It clenches itself right around ya. *sigh*. Nice writing. Take care you. *Peace.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

8 posted 2001-03-28 04:25 PM

Very impressive. Erica pointed it out to me, just to accentuate for you all how much she loved it.

It's the first I've read in Passions in Prose.
Well I really did like this a lot. The way you created the scene really did make it seem unique in each sense of something happening. All the descriptions were delightfully creative.
I think I just might go and try some prose... I haven't done any in entirely too long.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

9 posted 2001-03-28 10:07 PM

Chris, you should have a disclaimer on this that says "don't read while listening to sappy, sad music." This is soooo powerful..your imagery is consise and exquisite and you definitely pulled at the heartstrings. Wonderful writing, as I always see from you my friend.

*Krista Knutson*

"We can all become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on Earth..." ~Tracy Chapman

Rosebud1229
Senior Member

since 2000-04-05

Posts 1813
North Carolina

10 posted 2001-04-03 11:18 AM

this story keeps you from beginning to end, so sad. I to was surprised at the ending.
I loved the magic of the words how they held you passive to the moment, the smoke, that was the evil demise holding him frozen there.

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

11 posted 2001-04-04 02:02 AM

From the top...

Abe - GREAT! I love to do the unexpecteed, and if I can take you by surprise after all this time, then maybe I have a bit 'o talent left in these fingers! Thank you m'friend - more posted, though not in this vein - rather that of the next installment of Inspiring the Lost!

Sharon - I love making you speechless!!! I will send this to a magazine. Would have already, had I not had such a difficult time classifying a genre for it! Thank you lady for your constant support!

Karen - Again, glad about the surprise - most of it, I admit was intentional, though I think the natural bent of the telling invoked some bit of suspense. Thank you for your comments, as always!

Nic - You look sooo much better without makeup anyway! You too, for the support: BOL! Hugs.

Juliet - Actually - your reply is one of the most touching I've ever recieved. Never, ever mistake sincerity as less than 'perfect!' The tone of your reply means more to me than anything! And thank you for adding me to your library!!! (With any luck, someday you can add me to the physical library at home, eh?)

A - My apologies to your poor little heart lady - and tender kisses 'pon your forehead for the kindness of your reply!

Allan - Thank you - and yes, do try some prose... I hear it's good with catsup, though I prefer mine plain.

Krista - Disclaimer added!

Thank you for your response as well - it's almost overwhelming!!!

Rosebud1229 - Interesting interpretation - and by no means wrong at that. The lack of definition (pardon the pun) of the smoke was intentional - I wanted everyone who read to draw their own conclusions as to its meaning/purpose! Thank you for sharing yours!

Peace all,

Chris

Pearls_Of_Wisdom
Member

since 2000-09-02

Posts 175

12 posted 2001-04-07 06:39 PM

Chris,

This was very well written, not that I'm just saying that because I can't withstand this enormous peer pressure. To be honest, I did expect something had happened. I thought maybe Aileen had died and he was depressed (the smoke) or something. The more you described her smile and how much he cared for her, the more I thought, "Uh-oh.... This is going to be bad..." Hopefully, that's a good thing because it adds the suspense you were looking for. If, on the other hand, you would rather your readers not have any idea that a devastating ending was on the way, you could take out some of the description of Aileen. Of course, it's totally up to you.

Anyway, this was enjoyable, heartfelt and well done. Neat how you easily slide from "real" to what I thought seemed surreal, only to find out that your main character's not deluded or having a nervous breakdown: what's happening is "real" after all. One small criticism (and I've probably done it a few times myself): it seemed a little melodramatic at times. Certainly, there is a fine line between emotional and over the top. That's just my opinion, and you can do what you want with it. Anyway, this only happened a few times, and otherwise I was totally caught up in the story. Hope I didn't detract in any way from all your well-deserved praise, because that was not my intent. =)

Ashley

Martini
Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

13 posted 2001-04-09 09:50 AM

wow
i really enjoyed this peice, the way you described everything allowed me to feel like I was there

beautifully written

"In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On"
~Robert Frost

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

14 posted 2004-08-04 01:31 PM

Now that sure packed a wallop! I have time on my hands so doing a walk down memory lane, and started with my favorite writers. Good thinking?

Incredible work Chris, did it go to a magazine and get published? Sure deserved a spotlight. Hope married life is treating you both incredibly well too.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.