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Littleton, 1999 [In the spirit of "modern" poetry]
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Littleton, 1999 [In the spirit of "modern" poetry] |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
Littleton, 1999 (through the eyes of Eric Harris) Speak of the devil -- and here he comes toting rifles, handguns, pipebombs and knives Wrath of the jaded rains down on the arrogant -- the malicious hypocrite and the bigoted ignorant One has a Magnum -- one has a bomb -- the fuse burning swiftly -- the assault has begun The two move forward with glee in their eyes -- and with fatal accuracy let the bullets fly Someone screams -- people dive to the ground -- the White Caps dance, then collapse all around Pools of blood flow from ever-stilled hearts -- that once knew only hatred and spite A dozen corpses of All-American youth -- who knew how to be "christian" but knew nothing of truth They claimed to be holy but didn't they know that Jesus himself warned "you reap what you sow?" The misguided passion of the bitter enraged led these two antisocials on their Anti Crusade With passion-filled eyes and revenge on their tongues they giggled like schoolgirls and levelled their guns -- Then with peace in their hearts and hate in their eyes and with one final glance upon the world they despised, In the library side-by-side they knelt -- pulled back the triggers and sent themselves straight to Hell. < !signature--> A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge [This message has been edited by poetry_kills (edited 01-26-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jerome Solomon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
[The below comments are my personal opinion, offered with respect to the poet, himself] I don't care for the rhyme in this but, you have created a graphic portrait of pain and affliction in society, a strong subject with the rhyme itself seeming a mockery...Is it intended to be satirical statement? I don't think it works (honestly) and I'm not sure what I would do with a subject like this so I don't have any "fine critique" or advice. I commend you for taking it on, I might suggest taking your tongue out of your cheek. Til Again, Haze [This message has been edited by haze (edited 01-26-2000).] |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Ok Pk,  I have to disagree with haze on this one. I really think that the subject matter is appropriate. I think that this is a view which noone has taken in view of this brand of tragedy. Yet everyone asks why, noone bothers to look at who. The social argument aside I think poetically this idea really works. I don't really think it is satirical in the sense that you are poking fun at the people who orchestrated this massacre; rather it is just another point of view. I do agree that the rhyme should be more continuotous and some of the words could be changed such as "ever-stilled" and "All-American". Not for nuttin' I really liked the concept. Just needs a little polish. By the way I think it takes a lot of courage to write about something like this; especially when you take on the point of view of the villian. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i like it. most people would stick to the "there's-only-one-set-of-victims/we're-all-victims" mentality. you show the truth. they were both wrong. and just as the people who taunted those two boys "reaped what they had sown", you mention also that the two blew themselves to hell. i really like it. i don't think the rhyme really adds to it, but i don't think that it takes away from it either. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
I like the content...that's all well and good. It took me a second to realize what was wrong with the poem, though. You're writing about a tragedy in the style of a Dr. Suess poem. The semi-rhythm and constant rhyme make every line of the poem carry less weight in my mind. I don't know what to say about the poem or how to fix it. That's just a reaction. Wordshaman |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Unfortunately, I think you can get arrested for posting this now. |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I liked this...thanks. |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
Well... it read like rap to me so I can't argue with the form. It got me to read all the way through. In the way of social commentary it's just missing one thing.. these guys (and every other guy that's done this or similar things in the US in the past decade has been on psych drugs just prior. You could say... Of course... cuz they were nuts! but what about the so-called-millions who are not in psych hands? Surely they have had the means motive and opportunity to blow away school children. But they haven't. Psychs don't fix the problem. They make it or make it worse. Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I like the rhythm (although some of it, particularly the last line, seems a bit forced) and I do think it's intent is to be satirical -- perhaps a comment on the portrayal of the event in the news media. What I saw anyway was an immediate polarity between disaffected and 'normal' children. My guess is that a lot of people who write poetry would fall into that disaffected group (I think that was the word they used but I'm not completely sure I know what it means.) When this happened, a lot of people posted poems similar to this on the internet and a lot of people thought it was inappropriate. I can think of several that actually glorified the gunmen which upset a lot of people. Certainly, it's important to respect those who have lost family but I myself have wondered what these youths were thinking when this happened. No doubt self-righteousness will create a reaction (Christian or not)of anger and protest but . . . to such extremes? Gothic music was blamed as well but that seems to be more a response to the same 'thing' than the cause. What is this 'thing'? Any ideas? Brad |
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merely_a_jester Member
since 2000-01-14
Posts 67Arkansas... that's all you get |
first let me just say that i am impressed that you posted this, it's quite a ballzy act... second, i liked your take on this, from the point of view that you decided to look at it, and the way that you did not glorify or take away from the situation i agree that the rhyming could use a tad more work... but other then that there are not complaints from me keep up the good work just another twice invisible boy Are scarecrows just like men, and do you hold That a false coin is just as good as gold? Moliere, "Tartuffe" |
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poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
subject: this poem is partially satiric, partially serious... what part is what? i leave that to the reader to interpret... i was very distraught by the events that occurred (both by the shootings and the events that spurred the shootings) -- this was one of my ways of "dealing with it"... rhyme: this poem was not supposed to rhyme initially... the first line (which is actually the first two lines as posted here) had an internal rhyme and a few other lines did also, so i went back and created internal rhyme with all the lines... i had to break up each "line" into two for posting here due to the length... i'll revamp the poem without the rhyme and see what i come up with... thank you for all your comments (positive or negative)... sincerely, jerome the boy with the frozen hands A savage place! as holy and enchanted As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted By woman wailing for her demon-lover! ~Coleridge |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
A powerful poem, Jerome. I'm happy to see that you've grown a brain and now only lack "kool-aid" and mittens for your hands (a reference to your old signature, "Jerome, the boy with no brain"--lest anyone think I'm ridiculing you.) Good work as always. |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
Jerome, I thought you might get a kick out of my own Littleton poem. It isn't good enough to start a new topic, so I'll post it here. Littleton Had the school assigned each child a gun, they'd sooner have spoiled those murderers' fun. What tragedy, tragedy, tragedy comes-- all for the lack of guns! |
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