»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Replies welcome!
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Replies welcome! |
|
|
Stargazer Junior Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 16Alvordton, OH USA |
I love the way the wind tousled your hair like a frozen dream slow motion sleep you haunt me and then the way you laughed at me when I fell in the snow it pales against your skin and it melts for me you seduce me with your breath upon my lips hidden there behind your teeth the pearly gates leading to bliss Stargazer "I wish they would only take me as I am." -Vincent Van Gogh |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Crystal Dawn Suydam - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
poetry_kills Senior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 549new orleans |
stargazer: this is a good poem all-in-all... there is only one thing i see that you might consider changing... in the first two stanzas you have references to ice or to cold wintery times... but in the third you pass up the opportunity for another wonderful ice simile by using the old "pearly teeth" cliche... i'd suggest you change the next to last line to something more like "the icy pillars/ leading into bliss"... that's just a suggestion from an uncultured and untalented poet, however *heh*... do what you will... it'll be a wonderful poem either way  sincerely, jerome the boy with no brain |
||
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Stargazer, This is a great poem the only thing is it seems unfinished. You paint the picture wonderfully, but it seems the intro to something. Of course no idea is ever really finished. It really is a wonderful read anyway. Hope to see more. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
||
|
Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Stargazer, I love the way you paint this picture. I really like the similies in the first stanza...keep up the good work!  Hawk |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
