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miku (minimalist + haiku) - a disrelated series
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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miku (minimalist + haiku) - a disrelated series |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada 
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A series of miku (minimalist + haiku) after-dawn cirrus-grey sky __________________ clatter fades quiet afternoon air __________________ feathers leaves dusk flutter __________________ glit.rup. glit.rup. glit.rup. (What's this? you ask. Well, listen to your kitchen sink... it knows and loves to tell) __________________ origami unfolding hokku __________________ sea-bleached beach-wood sky __________________ green dapple splash! ripple-laugh __________________ sidewalk high school a-di-das __________________ wedgwood crystal watermelon sea __________________ bullet hole cherry blossom second thought __________________ echo pause empty __________________ whistle tin wind devil leaf gin dance __________________ love-in-idleness -lies-bleeding -in-a-mist __________________ sparrow snow angel __________________ Look Mom! No hands/feet/head/no-bo-dy Mm hmmm __________________ petal lips parted __________________ hymen (hiatus) optera __________________ chianti lips oasis hips __________________ party of one party of one party of one __________________ Stygian sock tea __________________ When is not a poem Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kevin Taylor - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kevin, You have blown me away. I absolutly love this style. Each of these paints an image. The reader writes the poem and takes away whatever (s)he puts in to it. My favorite: "echo pause empty" Bravo! J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Yeah I'm kinda impressed too. Some real nice grouping of ideas....a couple I didn't like but nonetheless pretty interesting stuff. The ones that stood out were: "glit.rup. glit.rup. glit.rup. (What's this? you ask. Well, listen to your kitchen sink... it knows and loves to tell)" "echo pause empty" "When is not a poem" Thought that was a good way to end the minkus, intentional last order I'm guessing. One thought on a minku (great description of it BTW) of yours, "petal lips parted" I would have liked more if changed to: "parted lips parted" Thought it would have stood out more if changed too, yada-yada-yada...I know it really doesn't make a difference but that is what it made me think of. Anyways, interesting, original grouping of thoughts that I really enjoyed, thanks, Trevor |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
Yeah, I agree with everyone else. Very good job. Just simple thoughts put in words. Nothing flowery and overdone to get in the way. You're doing exactly what a haiku should do: describe a single moment, frozen in time. I really liked these. Ryan I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac |
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