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Critical Analysis #1
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Poet's Prayer (Please Respond to This...)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Poet's Prayer (Please Respond to This...) |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Just a couplet remains, And I feel strange--insane. If I finish, my magic may be gone; But I know if I don't I'll be up past dawn Waiting for inspiration Or a complication To enter my mind. Will I find something else Interesting to do in the meantime? Well, that's fine... Just please help me rhyme... It's four a.m., And I don't know who I am. [This message has been edited by Wordshaman (edited 01-21-2000).] |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
Another insomniac, I see. I too agonize over my poetry in the middle of the night. It seems that "meaning of life" issues seem so important in the middle of the night. My best ideas come to me when I'm not really trying. I've been trying not to try for a couple years now. Writer's block. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
lol--I saw another person posting, and I was absolutely amazed. Don't read this poem. It's not indicative of the work I generally do. I was experimenting with something, and I want to see the reaction to it. Read one of the others that are floating around here. They're a little better. |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
Can some of you fine people out there tell me what's wrong with this thing? I ached over it for five minutes after I wrote it last night, and I don't know. It thought you could help... Wordshaman |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WS: "Just a couplet remains, And I feel strange, and insane." I certainly have been there (especially while trying to finish my sestina for Nan's workshop here in the Forum). I can understand feeling "strange" but feeling "insane" doesn't seem to fit in here as well as feeling "disoriented" or "bewildered" or "unfocused". If I am reading this right, I think you are describing that numb feeling that you get when you've been concentrating on writing something for a long time and every idea seems to slip through your fingers. "If I finish, my magic may be gone, But if I don't, I know I'll be up past dawn Waiting for inspiration Or a complication To enter my mind." I like this line (the contrast of inspiration and complication is spoken true). "Will I find something else Interesting to do in the meantime?" You know the answer to this question already!  "Well, that's fine..." Resignation? "Just please help me rhyme..." Nope, you just can't let it go. "It's four a.m., And I don't know who I am." Is this your "one couplet" you mentioned in the first lines of the poem? If so you pulled off something interesting. Is your concluding couplet intended to juxtapose with the poem we don't see (the one you are struggling over all night)? I may be way off on this but I thought I would give it a shot. Later (late for class). Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
I thought this was really funny. The last line, made me laugh out loud. Its great. I totally relate to that indecision of what to do when inspiration hits. I used to tell myself when i would be just lying down to sleep, and all these ideas would be swirling in my head, that i would force myself to write down what was in my head until it wasn't any longer. The problem was that it started a waterfall of new ideas, so i literally would be up at 4am, tired as hell, but hanging on desperately to my pen, to write, to get it out. There have been many mornings when i've woken up face to the page, and drool as my poem. I should say i've since cultivated restraint, and a bit of reason, to not see things as so immediate. Great work. |
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Willem Member
since 1999-11-18
Posts 139Inverness, FL, USA |
Until now I thought I was the only one on this forum crazy enough to stay up that late trying to find just the right words for a poem or essay... But here I find a fellow victim of this addictive preoccupation... I can't find anything wrong, line after line describes exact my own feelings under such circumstances, simply and honestly. However, I find the line, "interesting to do in the mean time" somewhat less smooth, rhythmically, then the rest of the poem. Why not say, "Could I, meanwhile, find something else worth doing?" I wouldn't tinker with the rhyme in a poem that's good already. IMHO, rhyme should be a friend, not a dictator. Meter is a poem's heart beat, without which it's dead...  Willem |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Words, I don't think there's anything wrong with this, but if it doesn't feel right to you, then you should work on it till it does. I find that putting something away for a week or two, and then working on it again brings a new perspective. Again, I think it's good. |
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Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
Here are my thoughts: Just a couplet remains, And I feel strange, and insane. (I'd leave out the second "and" in order to intensify the line.) If I finish, my magic may be gone, But if I don't, I know I'll be up past dawn (I'd word it more concisely, "But if I don't, I may be up past dawn.") Waiting for inspiration Or a complication To enter my mind. (These last three lines have a novel turn to them.) Will I find something else Interesting to do in the meantime? Well, that's fine... Just please help me rhyme... It's four a.m., And I don't know who I am. (I'm always happiest when night is over. Darkness has an inexplicable effect on my mind. So I can identify with the last two lines.) |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
WordS, If that was a real request, I think Warmhrt gave the best advice, I you're not satisfied, take a break the work on it later until you are. This is the second poem I have seen here today relating to difficulty in finding the words. I hope this is not an indication that we are all about to "dry up." Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
My suggestions are a bit different than Vincents...although he and I chose the same lines as ones we had difficulty with Just a couplet remains, I feel strange, and insane. (leave out the initial and) If I finish, my magic may be gone, If not, I'll be up past dawn(much too long of a sentance, it threw the rhythm way off...it reads better this way) Waiting here for inspiration Or perhaps a complication To enter my mind. Will I find something else (I wonder if the direct variance from the rhyme here was intentional?) Interesting to do in the meantime? Well, that's fine... Just please help me rhyme... It's four a.m., And I don't know who I am. < !signature--> At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ~Plato [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 01-21-2000).] |
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
It's four a.m., And I don't know who I am. ... should, of course read... It's four a.m., And I don't know who I em. Kevin "Poetry is, at once, what you get... and how you got there." |
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Wordshaman Member
since 2000-01-17
Posts 110Illinois, USA |
I found my words...see how that edit strikes you... Wordshaman |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Poet’s Prayer Why must I write at this hour? While other mortals sleep? When all is quiet I will arise and to my computer will creep. So full is my soul of words unspoken of feelings I must share. I rise again, in the dead of night and begin my poet’s prayer. Deliver me from pedantry, from silly limerick ways. Give me depth and heart and love and sometimes, give me praise. |
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